May 31, 2011

Am I Happy or Sad?

For those of you who don't like to "wear your heart on your sleeve" or have it "written all over your face," you will be none too interested in the latest product to come of Japan.

Introducing animatronic cat ears. "Japanese company Neurowear has come up with a wearable device that scans your brainwaves and responds by controlling a pair of fuzzy cat ears to get droopy, get perky, and vibrate with feline moodiness."

You know, because interpreting people's natural emotions on their faces is hard?

Please check out the company's website here to see demos of the ears in action. Silly Asians.

The Hotness Fatness

Due to some recent fatness and travels my husband and I have "let ourselves go", as they say.

I decided to try the South Beach Diet, starting today. My husband said he'd do it with me because he wants to lose weight also.

We had our weigh-in yesterday and each figured out how much weight we want to lose.

Everything was going great until about an hour later when he called me to ask what exactly he could eat (he is already living in Wilmington so he's on his own for groceries).

Upon learning that he couldn't eat fruit or bread or drink alcohol for 2 weeks, he immediately proclaimed that it was the stupidest diet ever and he wasn't going to do it.

Now I'm no expert dieter, as my thighs can attest, but I have never quit a diet the day before I've even started it.

Now you just know he is going to exercise and eat healthy for like a day and lose 20 lbs, while I go carb-free/alcohol-free/fun-free for 2 weeks and lose a half a pound. Nonetheless, boys are redonkulous and make no sense.

But they sure do make me laugh!

Keep Austin Wierd

I went to a wedding in Austin, TX this past weekend.

During a nice schweaty walk around town I witnessed my first triple handhold. If 2 is better than 1, than 3 must be just fabulous.

May 27, 2011

And the winner is...

The winner of the book giveaway for The Time-Traveling Fashionista is Kelly Star.

Kelly please email me your address at and I will send the book your way! I will also include a donation for the Susan G. Komen race that you tweeted me about.


Stupid Lyrics to Stupider Songs

Please take a minute and read the lyrics, found here, to Bruno Mars's latest hit, "The Lazy Song."

This song is so stupid that it actually hurts my feelings.

A focus on some of the most absurd lyrics:

*Then Stare At The Fan/Turn The TV On/Throw My Hand In My Pants/Nobody's Gon' Tell Me I Can't

Let me stop you right there BrunDog. First of all, you just got turned on by a fan. Second of all, why would someone tell you to stop? Clearly this has been an issue in the past. Nothing's worse than a public masterbater with a fan fetish.

Tomorrow I'll Wake Up Do Some P90X/Meet A Really Nice Girl Have Some Really Nice Sex/She's Gonna Scream Out "This Is Great!" (Oh My God! This Is Great!)

1) TMI, don't want to know about your sex. 2) Regarding the P90X - Wasn't it the great Thomas Jefferson who said, "Never put off tomorrow what you can do today." Do it today Bruno!

* I Might Mess Around, and Get My College Degree/I Bet My Old Man Would Be So Prouda Me

It's pretty clear that whatever online college you're "messing around" with is not acredited. And regarding your old man, see lyric #1 above. Chances are he's not that proud of you. You sing about getting aroused by fans.

While I do have to give some kudos to Bruno for truly pulling this song out of his ass, this lyrical debauchery cannot get off of the radio fast enough.

May 25, 2011

Raise a Glass

Today is National Wine Day! The only random, pointless holiday I can think of that trumps National Peanut Butter Lovers Day, which is apparently a real thing and happens to fall on my Birthday.

Raise a glass and celebrate tonight...or at lunch if you're a real diva.

Well, That was fast!

Kim Kardashian is engaged!! Read more here.

I can't tell you why I care, but I can tell you that I'm happy for her.

I always found it a bit wierd/sad that she was the most rich and famous of the brunette mafia that is the Kardashian Klan, yet she was always breaking up with her boyfriends and going through heartache as her sisters got married and started having kids.

That's gotta hurt a girl's feelings...I don't care how big ya ass is.

Mazel Tov Kimmy K. I hope your engagement is happy and that this marriage sticks!

Most Hilarious Loser

Who watched the season finale of the Biggest Loser last night?

First of all, I was in absolute hysterics when they revealed that Anna Kournikova was going to be a trainer next season. Who knew that being a skinny, formerly mediocre tennis player/sex symbol qualified you to train people in the gym??

Jillian has her scare tactics, Bob is the nice guy, and Brett and Cara are boxing ninjas. I can't wait to see what Anna's schtick is. I hope it involves shimmying in the contestants' faces to encourage them to keep running. Sex sells people.

Second of all, the two final contestants are soooo thin now! They looked like hot babes for sure. But I can't say it doesn't make me a ton little depressed when the contestants on a show about morbid obesity end up weighing significantly less than me.

I still say they should start a show called the Most Average Loser. Give me a personal chef and a trainer and I will win the hell out of that.


I have been waiting for months for "Blue Valentine" to come out on DVD. I had visions of me watching the world's greatest love bloom, and then sobbing when it inevitably fell to pieces.


This movie was awful. It's sad, but not in a way that will afford you a good cry with a bottle glass of wine. It's more like watching intraveinous drug use or a gangbang on "The Wire". It just made me feel dirty.

The most frustrating part of this movie to me was that there was absolutely no point to it. I didn't learn a lesson about love or making a relationship work.

I pretty much just learned that if your dad is verbally abusive and you yourself are a monster slutbag, than life isn't going to be that grand. So in case you didn't already know that, save 2 hours of your life watching Blue Valentine and just trust me. It's true.

eHotels and Lies

On my recent trip to Greece, I stayed in 3 different hotels. Once I arrived, I felt a little disappointment at all 3 hotels compared to the pictures that I had seen on their websites.

As I was laying in bed one night in the second hotel, enjoying the loud chatter and cigarette smoke wafting into my room, I started thinking that hotel website "photo galleries" are a lot like eHarmony pictures.

I have never tried online dating, but I know enough guys that have to know that the cute girl-next-door with the killer rack in her profile picture is inevitably going to be an overweight midget in a pushup bra when you meet her at the local TGIFridays.

Same goes for the hotel infinity pool, spa shower, and deluxe King size bed on a website. Well, Hello pool that is definitely finite, world's smallest shower, and sheets that constantly feel wet...even though they're not.

Why you tryin' to trick us hotels?! I seriously don't even mind mediocre hotels. It's mostly all I've ever known. Just don't make me think I'm going to live in the lap of luxury and then give me a key card to the lap of a tightass room I can't fit my suitcase in.

Poor room service I can handle. But unmet expectations of luxury I cannot.

May 24, 2011

Book Review and Giveaway

Recently I was asked to do a book review for The Time-Traveling Fashionista, by Bianca Turetsky. More information about the book can be found here.

This was a cute book about a young girl who is transported back to a glamorous life on the Titanic in 1912 after slipping in to a vintage gown and escaping her hum drum life as a suburban teen. In her "new" old life, she is the lucky owner of a bevy of enviable vintage gowns, which she has coveted for so long in the present day.

And although I felt a little silly on the plane reading a book with pictures in it (I am 27 after all), the illustrations of the dresses are beautiful. It made me instantly wish I was uber rich and only allowed to spend money on dresses. That way I wouldn’t feel guilty. ;)

It was a fun book that any young lady would enjoy as a little escape from bills and bad clothes. And guess what? Now it can be yours. I was also given an extra copy of the book to give away. To enter to win the book, just leave me a comment with what other book you are reading right now or are planning to read this summer, hopefully on the beach!


It has been quite a whirlwind since I last sat down to do a "real time" post. In the last 2 weeks I have seen my husband graduate Grad School, been to Greece for 10 days, hosted a bachelorette party, gained 5 pounds, called 911 for the second time this year, become the proud renter of a PO Box and a storage unit, and made up 10 beds in 24 hours.

This is an interesting time in my life, indeed. I like when people ask me, "What's new?" these days because my answer is very dramatic. "Everything!"

I'm moving out of my shitbag house, quitting my minimum wage job, and leaving a college town in which I have had 3 friends.

And just because I'm right on track with how life should go, I'm moving to a new city with no job, moving in with my parents, and starting from scratch with friends.

But I couldn't be more excited! For now I'll just make blogging my full time job :) That, and being a stay-at-home nothing.

May 20, 2011

Mental Pictures Are Ok

Seriously Humanrace…What the HELL is the deal with pregnant photo shoots?!

They are NOT cute!!!

No one needs to see your husband cuping your boobs from behind while you are both cloaked in denim. No one needs to know that you have a giant line of hair down your belly. That can be sacredly kept between you and your baby daddy.

Sure I understand that you may what a reminder of your baby. But here’s an idea, just look at your living baby!

And maybe you even want to remember how it feels to be pregnant.

I’ve covered you covered there too. Just get so drunk some nights that you throw up the next morning. Or eat a giant Mexican meal so you feel like you’re in your 3rd trimester.

Hell, I feel pregnant all the time and I’ve never even had a baby! It's easy!

Do what you have to do. Just don’t put that $hit on Facebook. If you tell me you’re pregnant, I’ll believe you. I don’t need to see you and your Mister frolicking in a field wearing a white button up with only the top button buttoned.

Get your giant ass to Pea in the Pod and get that stomach covered!

May 19, 2011

Returning, On a jet plane (x4)

Would you believe me if I told you I'd been in Greece for the last 10 days, only to return tonight?! It's true!

I just didn't want to mention that before because of safety reasons. Haha, jk. I always see people say that on their blogs and it makes me laugh because they must think people care that much where they are and/or are going to break into their houses or something?!

I am well aware that no one of sufficient malice reads my blog and is going to stalk me or rob my house...which is only full of plastic cups and frozen blueberries anyway.

Nevertheless, I am returning to the motherland tonight around 5:30pm. That will be 12:30 "my" time (AKA Greece time). Because I'm fancy like that.

That means that I've been writing these past posts to you from my past, future self! Spooky!!

It also means that tomorrow I head to the beach to host a bachelorette party. Considering I'm going to 7 hours ahead of the rest of the ladies, I'm either going to be a zombie bridesmaid, or feining for a cocktail at high noon Eastern Standard Time.

It's good to be back!...I think, I wrote this on May 4 so I'm only guessing. Te he he.

May 18, 2011

@Shut Up

I still wonder why some people don’t have Facebook. Or use Hotmail or AOL instead of Gmail.

And to be perfectly honest, I don’t trust those people.

Unless you are over the age of 60, in which case you are Grandfathered into the permanent state of, then you probably aren’t joining Facebook or Gmail just because you don’t want to be the norm.

In which case, I’m air slapping you in the face.

I have a friend who won’t watch Jersey Shore. Not because it’s stupid or insulting to one’s intelligence (which it is not, it is the best show ever). But because “it’s too mainstream.”

Gag. The only thing worse than being genuinely too mainstream is doing it under the guise of being unique.

Oh and don’t get me started on people who don’t drink just because they “don’t want to.” I don’t trust you either. Unless you are a bonafide alcoholic, bottoms up bitches. Drinking is fun.

May 17, 2011

This Time Baby I'll Be Calling You

I am so happy that husband got a job in beautiful Wilmington and we get to move there this summer!

However, I am going to have to resist the urge to call him 15 times a day while he’s at work.

See, he hasn’t had a job for the last 2 years because he has been in grad school. That means he has a more flexible day schedule with more breaks for talking on the phone.

I, however, having worked this whole time, have NOT had those breaks. After a few hundred calls in which he wanted to discuss what he should have for lunch or what the weather was like outside, I finally had to put a limit on his phone calls to twice per day or when it was extremely important.

Things were getting embarrassing. I share an office with 2 other people in a tight space.

You can imagine my surprise when one day, I got a third phone call. I figured it must be important.

G: “Who sings that song Bulletproof?”

M: “…Are you kidding me?”

G: “What? It’s a classic.”

M: “Ok thanks. Bye.”

I had to email him the answer because there’s really no pretending to make the name “La Roux” work related…As I do not work for a French cosmetic company.

Time for retribution!!!!!

May 16, 2011

Footwear to nowhere

Last week I was watching the Home Shopping Network flipping through channels on TV when I came across an infomercial for these shoes.

Now I want to call these shoes ugly, but I'm afraid that's not a strong enough description.

To me these shoes are not even worthy of the world's most bunion-riddled, corn-having footsies.

I would rather walk barefoot across hot coals then put these fugs on my feet.

"Lace Up Jazz Shoes"? No thanks. They looked bad enough when I was actually doing jazz dancing in the 5th grade.

Check them out online here, because the picture above doesn't do them justice. This picture makes them look freaking awesome compared to how they look in the "Cognac" and "Black" options.

The funniest part about the infomercial, besides Steve Madden himself associating his actual face with these disasters, is that he described them as both "Annie Hall" and "Weekend getaway shoes".

Question Steveo: Where the hell are you "getting away"? Do you summer at the fugly camp for paupers? Because that is what those shoes make me think of. That, and sweeping chimneys.

May 14, 2011

Shut Up Sky Mall Magazine - DMX Gi

This is for the On-the-Go Ninja.

I mean seriously, who makes an impulse purchase of a custom tailored karate suit while they are traveling. Sky Mall magazine, you may specialize in all things random, but know your audience.

When was the last time you sat next to a black belt on a flight to the Big Apple? That’s right. Never.

Also, the description “Its design and style move with you like water around a boulder,” neither excites nor tempts me to purchase. In fact, I’m pretty sure that doesn’t even make sense.

Oh well, at least they offer it in pink…for the diva ninja or intensely gay mix martial artist.

May 13, 2011

Music Makes Me Lose Control

I’ve been on several long roadtrips recently and noticed something interesting.

If you have XM/Siruis Radio and you go to the decade channels, 4-6 (40’s, 50’s, 60’s) you will notice that the average length of a song is only around 2 minutes.

(1948) Venus In Blue Jeans, Jimmy Clanton, 2:21 long

(1962) Johnny Angel, Shelley Fabares: 2:10 long

Then as we move on from the 70’s up to today, songs can reach up to 10 minutes with some righteous guitar rifts and self-serving solos.

(1971) Stairway to Heaven, Led Zepplin: 8:02 minutes long

(1977) Paradise by the Dashboard Lights, Meatloaf: 8:27 long

As usual, we as humans have made things way more complicated then needed!

Now I think they are mostly around 4 minutes long, which is more than enough since they are all made from robots anyway. Some things never change. But other things change by leaps and 6 minutes.


May 11, 2011


This is just a little "get to know me" fact:

I was once told I was "inappropriate" by a Black Panther who is also a US Fugitive.

The year was 2001 and I was but a wee lassie in Cuba doing a study program.

The program set us up with lots of cool locals that told us their personal stories about living under the Castro dictatorship. One of the locals, who was really a "political exile"/fugitive on the FBI Most Wanted List, was Mama Nehanda (aka Nehanda Abiodun, aka Cheri Dalton).

She was also Tupac Shakur's babysitter and helped his aunt escape from prison and worked with his stepfather at an accupuncture center! Small world right? No it's not...that is all too random for words.

Anywho, back to me! We were talking about Tupac, rap, etc. I chimed in and asked her if she'd ever killed anyone. To which she told me I was too blunt and that it was a rude question. Being told you're too aggressive by a wanted fugitive might mean it is time reassess one's social skills.

Perhaps she was right. But when you tell me you're wanted by the FBI, I'm going to get curious.

I like to think that means her answer was NO. But she is in fact wanted for several felonies in the USA, so I can't really be sure!

May 10, 2011

'Puter Dreams

Like most of you, I dream big.

I have always wanted to one day be a “known patron” at a local watering hole or old-school restaurant/pharmacy that serves really great ice.

So far, no luck with that. But I did find recognition in a less likely, more healthy way. At the gym!
I had been going to the gym where I work for about a year and people behind the counter suddenly started calling me by my name! I was shocked. It wasn’t behind the greasy restaurant counter like I’d imagined, but I had finally done something enough times that I could be recognized for it.

T’was a happy day indeed!

No lie, one week later they got an automated computer system negating the need for the gym employees to ever look at your gym cards.

Poof! Known patron status up in smoke. I bet they couldn’t tell you my name now if you put a gun to their heads.

The moral of the story kids? Computers kill dreams.

May 09, 2011


Restaurants need to start keeping it real and stop putting their email addresses on their websites if they aren’t going to respond.

I have been rejected via email thrice by restaurant/food establishments.

Once I emailed Tupelo Honey for their pimento cheese dip recipe. I even went so far as to say I was having an allergic reaction to something in the dip and needed to know the whole recipe, including the secret spices. No recipe and no luck!

Then a few months ago I emailed the St. Germain restaurant in San Juan, telling them that if heaven serves food, it would be theirs. I then asked for their shrimp marinade recipe for the sandwich I had ordered there. They never responded! But they did accept my email for something because now I get emails every week from them asking me to donate money to Japan.

Unless I can put that donation on some shrimp and eat it with a pita, no thanks Japan.

And last but not least, Ghirardelli. I emailed those chocolatiers three times about my “sealed for freshness” EMPTY chocolate wrapper I got in a dark chocolate assortment pack. All I received in return was automated responses and empty promises to respond to my email in the order in which it was received.

That was about 2 months ago and I still haven’t heard a response, so I think it’s time to abandon the mission and throw away the evidence :( Defeat!

I guess people who own restaurants just don’t appreciate the psychotic lengths to which one will go for food. My restaurant emailing days may end before they really even began. Talk about a lose-lose!

May 06, 2011


6 de Mayo is decidedly less fun than 5 de mayo.

Especially when you are hungover and have to be a parking attendant for 9 hours.

Reward Us All

You know what's just silly?

If you go to Whole Foods here in Chapel Hill and bring your own bags, you get a $0.10 credit for each bag you bring in.

If you bring in zero bags and use zero bags, you get zero credit.

I think it should just be a $0.10 credit for not using plastic or paper bags. Period.

It doesn't make much sense to punish those who buy one item and use no bags while rewarding the environmentally conscious gluttons who get 30 items and bring in 4 reusable bags.

May 05, 2011

Sleepy Drunky

Last night I was talking to my dad about how I haven’t been sleeping much these days because I’m stressed about moving, finding a job, impending travels, etc.

Good news! I solved both problems.

First, I drank lots of wine so I slept like a baby.

Second, I woke up to find my husband sleeping on the couch, wearing the same clothes he went out in last night. He played a raucous game of Bar Golf with his buddies and must have “accidentally” fallen asleep on the couch.

And just like that, I wasn’t stressed about finding a job anymore. Because I’m not going to get one! I’m going to get wasted at nights and watch TV all day!

I’m just kidding. He deserves to have fun because he’s graduating from Grad School. But that doesn’t mean I can’t save the mental image of him sleeping on the couch on a Thursday morning if I ever get blue during my job search!

This is not a test

Today I made my first "Honey Do" list for my husband.

He's out of school now and has a few days with nothing to do. I cannot wait to see how this goes over.

I predict foul weather ahead. But hey, if homeboy is at home watching TV and I'm at work making that money, I think I'm justified in asking him to clean the toilet...and the kitchen...and the bathroom...well, you get the picture.

Can I get an AMEN!?

Wardrobe Wordsmith

Just wanted to drop in to add a few adjectives to this list.

Last week I bought a little makeup bag in a red coral pattern. Like the one pictured above. My husband exclaimed, "Ooooh, is that a Red-Vein pattern?" Seriously?! Red veins? Now I'm just grossed out by the pattern.

Poo :( I love loved coral patterns.

Then yesterday I wore, for the first time I might add, what I thought was an adorable pink and white striped shirt from Old Navy. We told me I looked like a Candy Cane...Then tried to convince me that candy canes were cute.

Oh heavens. So far the Spring/Summer wardrobe for Mamacita is getting some scathing reviews. And the season has only just begun!


Happy Cinco de Mayo Todos Las Divas!!

I am going to celebrate tonight with what I like to call a Divarita! (Which is an exact rip off of the Skinny Girl Margarita. Low cal recipe here.)

I totally shouldn't drink tonight, because I just had the realization that I will be in a "drinking situation" every single day from tomorrow until May 22. Ay ya ya :(

But what can I say? I'm a sucker for a good Mexican themed holiday!!

May 04, 2011

Waste of Words

According to reports, Lorenza Lamas has decided to take his new wife's last name. Did I mention that it is his 5th wife?

"He's going to legally change his name to Lorenzo Lamas-Craig," according to this article. "He's always thinking outside the box so he decided to become the first celebrity to take his wife's last name."

This is really stupid to me.

First of all, he's really playing it fast and loose with the term "celebrity" here. What has he even been in? I basically assume that if I've never seen you in a movie or TV show, you aren't really famous. Because I watch everything.

Second of all, if you want to think outside the box Lorenz, than you probably should have used that creativity to save one of your 4 previous marriages. Instead of turning into a mangina and taking a woman's last name.

I give it 60 days before he becomes the former Mrs. Mr. Lamas-Craig.

The Names Are In!!!!!!!!!!!!

And they are...awesomely weird by unfortunately underwhelming. Article here.

After what can only be described as a 3 day torture session, Mariah Carey has finally revealed the names of #dembabies!

And the names are: Moroccan Scott Cannon and Monroe Cannon. Monroe is the girl.

At least Moroccan is weird as $hit. Monroe is totally flat-tire disappointing. Psssss. Like many others, I was hoping, neigh expecting, something outrageous like Honey Sparkle Butterfly Princess Carey.

A girl can dream!

At least there's still hope that her fans (she calls them #lambily, no clue why) will vote on a redonkulous first outfit for the twins. If you want in on the voting action click here.

I guess that means they've just been going Au Naturale for the last 3 days!?

Best In Smoke, No Dogs Allowed

As you know, I am obsessed with the Food Network. My husband hates it mostly, but if there’s a good show about meat or grilling, he will humor me and tune in.

So I was very excited to see a preview for a new grilling show that I hoped we could both watch. He told me to record it and so I did. I couldn’t remember the exact name of it but knew it was something about “Pit Master” or “Smokeshow” or something like that.

When I found “Pit Boss” on the list, I thought “BINGO!” Finally something we can watch together.

Saturday morning finally came. After stalking the allusive Season 3 second disc of “Dexter” that refuses to come in on Netflix and is being held hostage at the local Blockbuster, we were so happy to have Pit Boss to watch. We have absolute nothing in common when it comes to Television preferences.

He only likes baseball. I like anything except for baseball.

Well you can imagine my delight when I play the first episode and realize that it is this show.

A show about a midget who tames and rescues Pit Bulls. First of all, womp womp. Second of all, how the hell is this even a show!? I don’t want to see a show about midgets or pit bulls. And I definitely don’t want to see them together.

Seriosuly, what are chances?! I laughed so hard I cried. And then I got really bored because I didn't have anything to watch.

It turns out the show is really called “Best in Smoke” and it premiers this Sunday. Let’s try this again!

Around Town

I saw this gal yesterday bee bopping around town.

Although I'm not sure you can call it bee bopping when you're clunking around in loud clogs, smoking a cig at 4:30 in the afternoon.

I'm not one to discount a woman's right to express herself through clothing, but I did not appreciate the ass view that her 80s, acid-washed jorts afforded me.

But kudos on the green hair and pink tummy tee. That is just good fashion sense.

And the Thunder Rolls

Last night it thundered so loud it woke me up.

But it ended up being a blessing in disguise. When I fell back asleep I subsequently dreamed of an award winning recipe called THUNDER CHICKEN.

Here's how you make it for one:

1) Sear a chicken breast, drizzled in olive oil, in a hot pan for 3 minutes on each side to create a golden crust.

2) Place the pan in the oven on 350 for 7 minutes on each side (or until done).

3) In the last 1.5 minutes of baking, add a half-handful of mozzarella cheese. Use the thickly shredded stuff in the bag. Not the fancy Buffalo kind. This way you will get nice cheesy stringy bites and clumps.

4) When the chicken is done, sprinkle it with a crumbled piece of applewood smoked bacon.

5) Garnish with about 5 leaves of slightly wilted spinach.

6) Drizzle with about a Tbsp of Balsamic Vinaigrette.

I have only ever made this in my dream, but the reception to this recipe was so warm that my husband asked me to remarry him! (Again, just in the dream).

Hopefully I will recipe-dream the perfect side dish tonight!

May 03, 2011

'Tis the Season to be alone with one's thoughts

This is the best time ever on campus!

The students are gone, the grass is green, and the birds are chirping.

Not that I don't like the students! Heck I used to be one!

It's just nice to walk to work without getting mauled by a rogue hippie biker, or feeling like crap because you see some 20 year old girl whose thigh is smaller than your calf first thing in the morning.

May 02, 2011

Diveats - Shrimp Tacos

Yay! It's grilling season again!

I celebrated on Saturday with some fish tacos, accessorized with mango/pineapple salsa, guacamole, grilled onions, and diced tomatoes.

On the side: Corn grilled in the husk. Corn is the best food ever.

Grilling makes life so much easier when you don't have to dirty pots and pans for baking...especially when you haven't had a dishwasher for 4 years and counting...

*Enjoyed with tunes from my iPad on the world's dirtiest table.

This is normal

Still no word on the names...but in other Mariah #dembabies news...Al Sharpton has just entered the picture.

Like any new parents, Mariah and Nick celebrated the birth of their babies by calling their ol' buddy Al to perform a renewal of their vows.

"To celebrate both their anniversary and their new arrivals, Cannon and Carey had the Rev. Al Sharpton swing by the hospital for a prayer and wedding vow renewal ceremony. " Source

What happened to the traditional celebratory champagne, or even a casual "Masal Tov"?

I'm actually shocked that Mariah would have any sort of ceremony without her physique in tip top shape. What's the point in celebrating if you can't reveal ample cleavage and a taute tummy?

Motherhood has already changed her.

Osama Be Dead, Geraldo Be Cray Cray

In case you are living under a rock or you were lucky enough to fall asleep before 10pm last night and still be asleep (in which case I want to punch you), you know that yesterday Osama Bin Laden was killed by US armed forces and subsequently buried at sea.

In case you aren’t sure, check out this link which shows almost 40 newspaper covers with the same story.

While I am delighted that this evil face of terrorism is gone forever, I do not typically get “happy” when I hear about people dying.

The same, however, cannot be said for Geraldo Rivera. Homeboy is straight up JAZZED about OBL’s death. Check out his report here. The real crazy starts around the 2:50 mark.

He goes on to call Osama’s death a “brilliant way to start your week.” I’m sorry, Mr. Sensationalist, but that is not even responsible journalism.

I liked how no one he tries to talk to on the phone is ever there. It just makes him look like an even crazier person who is talking to himself in a fake newsroom.

Fox News lovers, let’s not forget that Geraldo was also the same person who brought us important stories on his talk show “Geraldo” like the plight of Sylvanus "Hambone" Smith, #16 on this list of the World’s Heaviest People. I remember Hambone well.

RIP Hambone. Not so much Osama. And Geraldo, you be crazy.

The Circle of Life

It's official. The world just gained two future divas and lost one heinous beast.

Mariah Carey finally gave birth to the allusive twins
in her stomach, on the day of her 3rd wedding anniversary to her baby daddy Nick Cannon. Details here.

I am still waiting on pins and needles to learn the babies names, which have not yet been released. However I am placated by my knowledge that the "couple listened to Mariah's 'We Belong Together' after the children were born."

That is awesome for 2 reasons. 1) It's the best song ever. 2) It has less than nothing to do with babies being born. If you check out the lyrics here you will see that the song is more about a lovers' quarrel and Bobby Womack on the radio. Certainly not about bringing twins in the world.

Eh, what are you gonna do? That's trademark Mariah. Don't question the crazy.

In semi-related news, how PISSED do you think she was that her birth announcement was upstaged by the death of the most well-known face of terror!?

I bet she played "Hero" all night, sobbing in the bathtub, to remind herself that's she is still the most important.