July 31, 2010

Not so man-icure

While stuck in travel purgatory this entire day (my flight isn't until 3:50pm :( ), I decided to fill some of my 7 + hours of time to kill with a pedicure!

Not only was there one older man there getting a manicure, there was another younger man getting a pedicure.

And when I say pedicure I don't mean the kinda common man-icure of just cutting cuticles and filing nails.

This guy got a FULL ON pedicure, with bright red nail polish. Something I have never seen in all my years of Vietnamese salons.

I guess a diva is a diva is a diva (and is probably not into girls)!

July 30, 2010


If I was a lesbian cougar-ette, I would totally be trying to court Meryl Streep.

She is the most charming, beautiful, hilarious older woman that has ever hit the big screen.

And she makes me giggle.

Meryl, if you read Diva Says What, and I'm sure you do, I'd love to be your bff!

Holla at your girl!



It's getting hot, hot, hot

Just when I thought my walk to work couldn't get any hotter...

This morning there were literally thousands of hot, 20 something guys walking through campus today.

It was like the legendary cicada exodus of hotties!

If I wasn't married and wearing one of my all time worst work outfits, I'd totally have used that to my advantage.

I still have no idea why there are so many of them at once, but they are all wearing the same fraternity shirt, so maybe they are planning a mass suicide or something.
Either way, summer just got a lot hotter!

July 29, 2010

Time stamp this


As you may recall from this post, I have been on the market for a big chunky watch for quite some time now.

Today I decided to hit up Bluefly.com, hoping they might have some designer discounts on watches.

I click on the watch link, in the accessories section, and my prayers were answered.

Literally, the only thing in the "watches" category.

Bluefly, here's some advice. Just go ahead and delete that link altogether. I'm pretty sure your average shopper on the hunt for a watch is not also on the hunt for a $1620 padlock pendant time piece.

And, while I do appreciate the 10% discount...shut the f*#k up.

Sleepy girl

Hot off of the diva tip-line, I present to you - THIS PICTURE! Sent by a fellow weekend warrior in NYC.

Truly a girl after my own heart.

While there are some people in the world, like Kathy Griffin, who say the inappropriate things we all wish we had the guts to say but are too chicken$hit...

There are others, like this hero, who naps where we all wish we could nap, but are too concerned about, well, getting fired. Midday. At work. In front of everyone.

Renegade napper, I SALUTE YOU!

Nap on diva. Nap on.

My singular bag is packed, I'm ready to go

Sometimes, I measure days in "sleeps". I do this because the only thing I hate more than waking up in the morning is trying to fall asleep in the first place.

Therefore, to accomplish a sleep is a really big feat for me.

Anywhoooo, that being said, I only have 2 more sleeps until I get to go on my Honeymoon!

I am so excited I could just pee my pants.

However, I'm doing two really un-diva things regarding the trip.

First, I'm fitting all my clothes for 2 weeks in a backpack...as in, not even checking a bag!

Second, one of the nights we are staying in a hostel that actually used to be a military prison. That means we are actually sleeping in an old prison cell! Romance at it's finest.

Obviously I'll be off the radar for a couple of weeks while I'm gone, but I'll be sure to send some international diva observations whenever possible!

July 28, 2010

Life is good again

Rev up those DVRs people!

America's favorite guidos and guidettes are back in action.

The second season premieres this Thursday at 10pm ET!

I know I'll be watching...with my hair bumped up, sipping on some Ron Ron juice.

When you know, you know. Tune in!

Some like it hot

Free sample!!

Don't say I never gave you anything :)

July 27, 2010


After many years of observation, I hold these truths to be self evident...

People who have something attached to their belts and/or waists are almost always one of the following:

1) A so-called "blue collar" worker - he or she will be donning either a hammer or a two-way walkie talkie radio on his/her belt.
2) A doctor - he or she will need a pager for when he or she is on call

3) Also wearing a gold chain - this person will undoubtedly be sporting a cell phone holster on his braided leather belt

I know these might sound like stereotypes, but until someone sends be a picture of the CEO of Morgan Stanley or Anna Wintour with a cell phone clip on their belt, I stand by my generalization.

July 26, 2010

July 22, 2010

Speaking of butt outfits...


Jorts for babies!!

Because there's no reason why babies can't be rednecks too!

Booty Pop!

Big news!

I was just informed by my trustworthy associate that boobs are out - so 2009 - and big ol' booties are in.

You want proof? You can clearly see in this article that the model pictured used to be depressed with her regular sized butt. But now that she has Booty Pop panties she can finally smile again!

Improve your quality of life and buy a pair today! Apparently they are selling like hotcakes on the Internet (hotcakes = the volumptuous version of a pancake ass).

One (huge, gigantic) flaw with the product is that you can see the "VBPL," or "Visible Booty Pop Line", if you are wearing anything besides thick jeans.

So, if you are planning on transitioning from day to evening wear, make sure that your day date is with an ass man. Or make sure that you date someone so unobservant that he doesn't notice the frequent disappearance of your badonka donk.

Shake what your momma and world wide web gave you!

July 21, 2010

What the hell?!

Brit Brit - you're a hundred millionaire.

This is inexcusable even for us poor, civilians. Thus making this a slap in the face to my eyes and my pitiful income.

Whoever is on your "team", fire them immediately for letting you out of the house like this. This includes, first and foremost, your hair "stylist".

Shouldn't your real hair be grown out by now?!

I hate to tell you honey, but at this point you'd be doing yourself a favor to shave it off again!

Oh Joy!

I saw this ad yesterday when I was on PerezHilton.com.

You can imagine my excitement when I realized American Apparel was now selling old lady bathing suits with the wedgie built in!

Oooooh boy! Just when I thought my fat @$$ couldn't look any better on the beach...Enter, high cut, low coverage granny suits! Even the model's back makes this whole emsemble look granny/wrinkly.

See you at the beach! I'll be the one with my butt hanging out, but don't worry, this time it's on purpose.

Tweet Tweet

Follow me on Twitter....

Follow me on Twitter....

You're getting sleepy...

Follow me on Twitter

Shouldn't be a real thing


I know that times are tough economically these days, but if I had kids, I would even give them money to buy a better drug than this.

The worst thing to happen to the buzz since a-holes started selling oregano back in the 90s and telling unsuspecting teens that it was marijuana.

If I walked in my kids room and he was "high" off of the Internet, I wouldn't ground him for being "high". I'd ground him for being a damn idiot.

Put down the headphones and the mousepad kids and go get yourself some Mike's hard lemonade! Respect the buzz and only then can you start to respect yourself.

July 20, 2010

Karma's a bitch

Sucks for this guy!
Actual trail mix devastation found in my office vending machine.

Pump ze Iron, Shut ze Mouth

Do you think people at the gym who grunt really loudly when they lift weights are aware of what they are doing?

Unlike snoring, surely this is a controllable bodily function, right?! And if said grunters know that they are grunting, does that mean that they think it's OK, or even impressive?

People at my gym who grunt make me feel really uncomfortable. It's like a totally unwanted glimpse into their sex life.

And in the case of the skinny 60 something year old man, who is also the loudest grunter to date, I really, really, really don't want that glimpse.

People of the world, exercise is good. Loud guttural noises when doing so is not. Keep it quiet in there!

Also, and I know I'm no doctor or personal trainer, I would think that if what you are doing is causing you to scream out in pain like that, then it probably isn't good for you in the first place.

July 19, 2010

Quote of the Day

"Well look who it is. The worst thing to happen to gay culture since straight people started dressing gay."

July 16, 2010

Charlie Brown's Mom

Why do Dental Hygienist insists on asking non-rhetorical question when they are cleaning your teeth?

It's like they want to a) give you a great smile, and b) make you feel like a terrible conversationalist.

I went to the dentist the other day and while she was complimenting my teeth (toot toot), I couldn't respond at all! It made me feel so rude and unappreciative.

If I were a dental hygienist I would just sit there and spill my guts out, requiring no response whatsoever...maybe even shocking the patients into absolute silence.

Or, perhaps I would read a dramatic haiku or some other sort of one man show.

To all the dental hygienists and dentists out there who have asked me something that I was unable to respond to, I apologize! It's not me, it's you...and the giant metal device you're shoving in my mouth.

July 14, 2010

Dream Team

No joke, I think I would rather go on a date with Spencer Pratt than Mel Gibson.

While Spencer Pratt is arguably one of the most insanely obnoxious and attention starving a-holes that Television has every known, he kind of looks like a prince when compared to Mel.

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've heard this phone recording between Mel Gibson and his baby momma.

Absolutely descipacble.

A million things come to mind when hearing this horrifying rant. Firstly, if Mel didn't realize that Oksana's boobs were fake in the year + that they were together, then he is more of an idiot than he is a racist assface.

Second, to wish any harm, especially gang rape, on the mother of your child is truly reflective of a psychotic individual.

My only hope for this situation is that his career is absolutely ruined and that he never has a relationship with a woman again.

If Tom Cruise is still getting grief for jumping on a couch out of love, and David Hasselholf is still catching hell for drunkenly enjoying a cheeseburger on the floor, than Mel Gibson should forever be scourned and remembered for his bigotry and violent behavior towards woman.

There! I said it!

July 13, 2010

Gooooo Team!

There are a lot of girls' sports camps going on at the campus where I work this summer and I am finding that I have a major problem with their attire.

All of these otherwise beautiful girls are wearing gigantic jerseys and shorts down to their mid shins. Basically, ill fitting menswear.

While there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with dressing a little butch or being a lesbian, I think there is a little something wrong with accidentally looking like one when you are a 13 year old just trying to pump up her college resume by participating in a few basketball camps.

I know money is tight for schools across the board, but why can't we allot just a few G's to get some fitted tank jerseys with bedazzled team numbers on the back, and a nice pair of mid thigh shorts??!!

Team spirit!

July 09, 2010

Fantasy Draft

And no, this post has nothing to do with Lebron James, although I'm sure that his decision to go the Miami Heat will continue to affect my life profoundly.

This fantasy draft is all about food! Top Chef food to be exact.

A few of my really busy friends and I have joined a Top Chef DC fantasy draft group called DivaSaysChef. It's pretty cut throat and intense, and I'm in the lead.

Won't you join us?? The passcode for the group is PackYourKnives3712.

If that doesn't work, just send me your email address and I can invite you.

Obviously you have to watch the show for it to make sense to join, but I feel like most people do, so shut up and join.

For those of us who are good at exactly zero sports, this is a really good way to channel your competitive side, while still basing your life around food.

July 08, 2010

I'm not funny...but other people are

I can't really think of anything cute to say today, but I am going to leave you with the strong suggestion that you start following this blog immediately.

July 07, 2010



Cry me a river, filled with booze

I wonder which is more embarrassing for Lindsay Lohan.

The fact that she just got sentenced to 90 days in jail for being a collossal trainwreck and blatantly disregarding the law?

Or the fact that when reporting her jail sentence last night on NBC Nightly News, she was called a "FORMER CHILD STAR", when she is still very much a current, albeit desparate and rarely employed actress?

Either way, kudos to you, Michael and Dina Lohan. While raising this dainty, prim and proper young lady, you have also raised the standards of good parenting, now making it more desirable to be raised by the Jackson family than in the Lohan household.

July 06, 2010

3 day weekend/4 day week/Better quality of life

Three day weekends are one of life’s great surprise pleasures. Like finding money in your coat pocket from last winter, or realizing there is an extra hour in a season finale of Grey’s Anatomy when you thought there was only going to be one.

Thank you, America, for giving me life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, AND for bringing me one day closer to my BFF - Friday afternoon!

July 02, 2010

God Bless America!

Happy 4th of July everyone! I hope you all have a fun long weekend of eating burgers, drinking cold beers, and magically not gaining any weight.

I'ma be at the beach doing nothing that involves data entry or sitting in an office chair.

P.S. Doesn't this scary looking bald eagle look like the patriotic, avian version of Mike Tyson?


July 01, 2010

Cheer(wine) and Obesity!

There's no arguing that the Carolinas are inventive when it comes to fattening food - fried, chocolate covered bacon anyone?

And this latest combination is no different.

I present to you Cheerwine® Kreme(TM) Filled Doughnuts. Available until the end of July in select stores.

Because what goes better with glazed covered carbs and fat then a nice sugary drink on the inside?

To see if they are in a store near you, click here.