April 30, 2014

Healthy Breakfast Pancake

I love something hot for breakfast that will stick to your ribs.  I also love cereal, but sometimes that's just not enough...and sometimes I can't be trusted with a whole box of good cereal because it's too easy to eat all the time, all the day long.
That's why I love this breakfast:
The Healthy Oatmeal Eggwhite Pancake
- 1/2 cup of Old Fashioned Oats
- 1/4 cup of liquid egg whites or 2 egg whites
- 1/4 tsp of Baking Powder
- 1 ripe banana smashed up
- Pinch of salt
Here are the ingredients before I mashed them all together:
Make sure to really coat the pan with a lot of cooking spray so it won't stick.  Then pour the batter into the pan, over medium heat and form into pancake shape.  Cook for just a couple of minutes on each side, flipping once.  And there you have it:
This wasn't my best flip in the pan but that doesn't affect taste!
 A no sugar added, no crazy ingredient, all good for you inside, breakfast pancake!
Top with whatever your heat desires.  For this particular pancake I chose chopped pecans, almond butter, cinnamon, and blueberries. 
I also ate it about an hour and a half after I started putting it together.  It turns out breakfasts that require many hands, hot pans, and any attention whatsoever don't mix well with the morning needs of a newborn.  It was worth the wait though when I had it for what can only be called brunch. 

April 28, 2014

Heart KLG

I just want to go on record as saying that I love Kathie Lee Gifford.  I just love how she doesn't take herself too seriously.  In fact, I don't think she takes herself seriously at all.
 In the cutthroat world of morning television that includes Kelly Ripa, AKA Satan's Spawn in a size 00, sometimes you just need a little humor from a woman who has no boundaries and no shame.  And who loves to jiggle her "bat wings" at least once a week.

I guess I feel the need to defend my love of KLG because I actually met her once, and then was immediately informed that meeting Kathy Lee was not even remotely impressive.  This was during her Live with Kathie Lee and Regis days.  Maybe it's something in the air, maybe it's Gelman, or maybe it's just my lack of tolerance pre-noon of overly peppy people, but I think all things Live! have been and always will be annoying as hell.  It is my hate of morning TV.
Any who, I  met KLG in Florida at a place we used to go with my family.  Along with another star struck preteen, I sauntered up to her table and asked for her autograph as she was sitting by the pool with her kids and ol' Frank Gifford.  (I didn't ask for his autograph because 12 year feminist Marilyn didn't want anything to do with the John Hancock of a well known cheater).
I went home to show my parents and was promptly informed that A) No one likes Kathy Lee and B) under no circumstances are you supposed to approach celebrities at this place and ask for their autographs.
Double oops.
In some fit of rebellion or trying to be cool, I threw the autograph away, along with my equally as impressive collection of autographs from the cast of Clueless...the TV show, not the movie.  But I wish I'd kept it.  Not that it would have any value whatsoever, but because it would make me think so fondly of Kathie Lee, her long acrylic nails, and her love of speaking her damn mind!
It remains a mystery to me why they have the wine at their table each morning because they never, ever drink it.  But I did see Kathie Lee chug an entire bottle of wine on the Ellen show once so I am not questioning her relationship with wine. 
Love ya girl.

April 25, 2014

Back in Bed

After 3 weeks of sleeping in a twin bed in the nursery with Jack, I finally slept in my own marital bed last night.  And it was intermittently glorious. 
I didn't get a full night's sleep.  Not by a long shot!  But I think I got a little more than "usual" without sleeping in such close proximity to my boy.  See, despite being just under 11 pounds, Jack seems to be able to emulate the noises of a wildebeest with a brain infection.  His grunts sound like he's doing baby Crossfit and his "coos" sound like he is trying to mate with the world's smallest Beluga Whale.  It's on a very sonar level.
His noisiness is rivaled only by his cuteness.
We stayed at my parents' beach house last weekend and it was the first time Grant has ever had to sleep in the same room as Jack and/or get up with him in the middle of the night.  The first thing he said to me the next morning was, "Woah.  That was intense."
All those little baby grunts earned me a lot of respect for how much sleep I do not get.
Never to be outdone, Rosie likes to use the Boppy as well.
So, even though I still had to get up every 2 to 3 hours, I got to snuggle with Rosie by my side in a King size bed, so it was an vast improvement from my lonely twin bed.  Here's hoping he's one of those sweet little babies who decides to start sleeping through the night by 6 weeks old. 

April 23, 2014

Tips from a new mom to future moms or women who are pregnant (on the night shift)

If you are nursing your child and are solely responsible for waking up with him/her throughout the night, there will come a time when you decide that there is no greater injustice in the world than your husband sleeping a solid 7-8 hours in a King size bed while cozied up to your adorable dog while you get 4-6 hours of segmented sleep (it becomes impossible to tell how much you slept after a while), sharing sleeping quarters with an infant, and slumbering in a twin bed that somehow heats up to 300 degrees every night (or maybe that is my hormones)...
...There is no "but" to this story.  It still doesn't feel like it's ever going to be fair.
It does, however, help to imagine yourself like this sort of badass while you feed your baby in one of a variety of overly slutty nursing tops from Target. 
It also helps when you see this little face when you get up each time and your heart melts, even while your eyes will barely stay open.

Side note - It was easier than expected to say goodbye to the full body pillow.  Now that I'm not pregnant anymore I either relish sleeping on my back, or curl up in a ball and pray for daylight...which always comes, but not before I see darkness every 2 to 3 hours a few more times.  And now it doesn't constantly look like there is a dead body underneath my sheets, so that's a plus.

April 21, 2014

Tips from a new mom to other pregnant women or new moms (on nursing)

When people tell you about breastfeeding, they might mention something called "let down".  You will not know what that means initially.
Let me explain it in lay man's terms.
You will know when it happens because it feels like you are being electrocuted on your nipples.  It will then be followed by two very obvious and embarrassing wet marks on your shirt. 
It is important to note: This may happen when you are in the privacy of your own home.  It may happen when you are waiting at Enterprise for your rental Mini Van.  Or it may even happen when you are standing in your front yard with your mother in law and her friend, with nothing more to cover yourself than a 10 pound dog.
This is why breast pads were invented and all nursing clothes are black.
'Tis better to look like a pudgy Johnny Cash than to have to wet nipps when you are out in public. I now know this.

April 16, 2014

Zoe's Dinners for 4

I mentioned previously about an amazing thing friends do for one another called Meal Train.  It's a wonderful tool for new moms, people who have family in the hospital, people who have been ill, etc.  You sign up to bring someone dinner and, I can now tell you from experience, they really, really, really appreciate it!
Not having to cook when you barely have enough sleep to function is no small miracle...On the flip side, I'm so tired and stupid these days that I might just not even bother to eat if I didn't have these luscious meals coming my way, which would also be a miracle in and of itself, but that ain't happening so forget that.
In addition to telling you about this amazing online service, let me also just go ahead and tell you what to bring if you ever sign up for one.
Zoe's Dinners for 4. 
four chicken, four shrimp, or four veggie kabobs (eight total kabobs), rice pilaf, greek salad, pita bread
My mom, although not part of the actual train (Choo choo!), brought Grant and I this dinner last week and it was basically my dream meal.  I love everything Mediterranean inspired when it comes to food.  This was no exception.
Even though they are delicious, I simply do not need fatty, fat, fat cheese casseroles and such in my life.  After losing 20 pounds in the week following delivery, the remaining 15 pounds have gone literally NOWHERE.  So I'm desperate to lose the additional weight, while also having decadent meals brought to us twice a week.  It isn't going well, shockingly.  Because I have the will power of a crack addict.
Anyway, back to Zoe's.  The meal is probably 70% healthy.  Then there is a lot of rice pilaf.  But you can just have a little and be 30% naughty :)  The meal my mom brought us consisted of the Kabob Combo.  We got 4 chicken kabobs, 2 steak kabobs, and 2 shrimp kabobs.  OMG they were all incredible!  Especially the chicken and steak kabobs.  Seasoned to perfectly, moist, and delicious. 
And the greek salad it comes with is filled with deliciousness and sides of their incredible made-in-house dressing.  Yes please!
So if you ever need to bring someone an amazing, portable, and pretty meal, this is your meal.  And if you ever wonder what I might like to eat, this is my meal. 

April 14, 2014

Tips from a new mom to the general public (on asking about a woman's pregnancy)

Unless you are the one who A) got her pregnant, B) are attending a baby shower for her, or C) witnessing a baby's head crowning out of her hooha, do not ever bring up a woman's pregnancy to her.
Because there is a good chance she might not even be pregnant.
Like the guy who gave me a pedicure a week after I gave birth.  When I told him the towel he put on my legs was too hot, which might as well have been on fire, he asked me if it was too hot for the baby too...the baby who was in fact sitting at home and not in my stomach.
It's really more awkward for the other person than for you when someone asks you about being pregnant when, in fact, you are not anymore.  But it's still pretty damn awkward for all parties involved.
Just don't go there.

April 11, 2014

Things I'm Loving Friday

I am jumping on the bandwagon for a popular blog feature called "Thing I'm Loving Friday".  Trying to keep it light and positive over here.
So here are the things I am loving right now:
1) Epidurals - If you don't get one, you are certifiably insane.  I had to experience 1.5 hours of contractions 2 minutes apart before they would let me get an epidural.  I have never felt worse pain or sweeter relief in my entire life.
2) Antibiotics - Because pregnancy and labor is like the never ending assault on your body.
3) Sleeping for more than 2 hours at a time...at least, what I remember of it. Sleep, one day we will rekindle our sordid love affair again.  Until that time (many, many years from what I've been told), we can see each other mostly on the weekends and sporadically in the midnight hours.
4) Naps.  For myself if I can get one, but mostly for this guy.  When he finally does nap, he naps hard.  It's not only cute, it's my time to shine.  And by shine, I mean tend to my basic needs as a human...or just watch the Real Housewives of New York City, depending on my energy level.
5)  My mini van.  That car is amazing.  It is like a dance opening the trunk and side doors.  I'll be sad to see it go next week.  But my feelings of douche-bagness will decrease immensely once I get my sedan back.  The van is a ride that only a seasoned mom can pull off.  I'm too new to be able to rock the automatic door and bucket seats at this stage in the game without some major stares.
6) Meal Train.  People bringing you dinner when you barely have the mind capacity to form a sentence is crucial.  But also probably adding to my difficulty to losing the baby weight.  And by probably I mean definitely.  Eating half of an ice cream cake after meatloaf and mashed potatoes can't be good for one's diet.  I long for the days when I can wear normal clothes again.
7) When Jack farts or poops when he's eating or sleep.  Because sometimes it sounds like a machine gun, but it always makes me giggle.   
That is just a glimpse into my super glamorous life right now.  If I'm not covered in pee or milk, I'm driving a mini van with no child in it.  Either way, it's fabulous!

April 09, 2014

Toe Cleavage Bra? Apparently this is real life

I was hoping this was an April Fool's joke.  But, alas, it is April 8 now and the website remains alive.
Introducing Brasieks:
"Turn heads in Brasieks, the first ever foot bra for enhanced toe cleavage. Made from the finest Uzbek silk, Brasieks incorporate a discreet, no-show design that provides natural-looking toe cleavage. The lace trim creates a classic, yet sexy look, while the adjustable heel clasp and elasticized edge ensure a perfect fit. Three levels of support let you pick the look that’s right for you -- try Demure for a subtle lift or Vixen for maximum toe-stopping cleavage and fullness. Perfect for showing off your favorite toe ring."
There is just so much wrong with this description. 
First of all, who wants more toe cleavage.  I already don't like shoes that show tons of toe cleavage by accident.  Much less, on purpose and enhanced from the finest Uzbek silk.  WTF.
And as far as the lace trim creating a "class, yet sexy look", toes are toes and the cleavage between could just as easily be called toe pits.  Let's not get it twisted.
"Perfect for showing off your favorite toe ring".  Stop with the toe ring.  Just stop. 
Foot sluts, save your astounding $65 on this foot bra and show your tits if you have to show extra skin at all.  Toe cleavage is simply not becoming a "thing".  I didn't have to watch Fashion Police to know that either.  I just surmised it by not having a creepy food fetish and not being a total weirdo.

April 07, 2014

They see me rollin'

Unexpectedly, it only took 5 days as a mom before I got a mini van.
How did this come to be, you might be wondering? 
Like this:
The first time Jack and I hit the mean streets of Wilmington post being alive/giving labor respectively, someone rear ended us on Market Street.  Bad.
If I could sum up the experience in one word it would be - Terrifying.
Luckily my mom was with Jack in the back seat and everyone was safe.  Perhaps because I do aggressive things like this - Car Seat Inspection.  But it was truly a nightmare.  Especially as a brand new mom.  On her first car ride since giving  birth.  With a 5 day old baby.  Needless to say we aren't in any hurry to venture out together again anytime soon. 
Jack didn't shed a tear.  I cried like a baby.
This is my new whip for the next 2 weeks.  She rides like a dream and makes me feel like an over eager mom nerd.  With very impressive trunk space.
Now I just need to get a haircut like this:
And jeans like this:
Because you aren't a woman anymore...you're a mom!

April 03, 2014

New Theory on Stupidity

I have a new theory: That people who seem really stupid are just regular people who are really, really, REALLY sleep deprived.
I used to pride myself on never forgetting anything and always being on top of my game, as it pertains to remembering absolutely everything that needs to be done and always being on time.  And by on time I mean at least 5 minutes early to everything.  Well, my baby is only almost 1 week old and I have officially lost my damned mind.
I can't remember what I did 15 minutes ago, much less what day of the week it is.  But it is so worth it to appear like a total dumbass to the rest of the world to wake up to this little face all hours of the night.
Welcome to the gun show, ladies
Maybe I'm biased but I think I might have the most adorable baby on the planet?  Poor Rosie doesn't know what to do with herself.  She's equal parts amazing big sister and totally confused and experiencing abandonment issues. 
If I had to guess, in this picture Rosie is thinking, "What in the high hell just happened to my perfect life?!"


April 01, 2014

Slow Cooker Angel Chicken

This recipe really must have originated from an angel.  A slow cooker angel.
It couldn't be easier to make and it smells like pizza the whole time it's cooking away. 
I served it one night with pasta and one night with rice.  I recommend the rice option because it soaks up the juices better.  I also served with asparagus both times but any vegetable will do.
Next time I make this, of which there will be many because it is so easy and delicious, I am going to use 4 whole boneless skinless chicken breasts, instead of 4 halves.  Call me a glutton but I like a whole breast for my dinner entrĂ©e. 
And really there is enough sauce with this recipe to use 6 whole chicken breasts.  So, hell!  Maybe I'll even do that. 
If you are like me and you love delicious food and cooking, but sometimes just want something simple that requires minimal effort and can be cooked ahead, this slow cooker recipe is for you. 
4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves (about 1-1/2 pounds)

1 8-oz. pkg. fresh button mushrooms, quartered

1 6-oz. pkg. fresh shiitake mushrooms, stems removed, caps sliced
1/4 cup butter

1 0.7-oz. pkg. Italian dry salad dressing mix

1 10-3/4-oz. can condensed golden mushroom soup

1/2 cup dry white wine
1/2 of an 8-oz. tub cream cheese spread with chives and onion

Hot cooked rice or angel hair pasta
1. Melt butter in a saucepan
2. Add in Italian dressing packet
3. Stir in soup, wine and cream cheese until it combines and melts
4. Cut up mushrooms (I used button and cremini to save a few bucks)
5.  Place mushrooms on the bottom of slow cooker…top with chicken….pour sauce on top…
close top and cook on low for 5 hours