October 18, 2015

Too Much Potassium

I think I mainly want Jack to start talking so that I can stop eating so many bananas.  

That probably sounds strange but we are at a really awkward stage in which he points at things like a champ, but doesn't actually verbalize most of what he wants.  So whenever he points at a banana and says "nana", I excitedly grab a banana and ask him if he wants me to open it.  He always nods yes.  And clearly I am not going to deny my child a fruit if he's getting excited about it.  But recently once it's open the thrill is gone. 


Apparently he never wanted to actually eat the banana.  He just wanted to watch me open it.  So I either end up adding it to our massive collection of frozen bananas for smoothies, or eating it myself.  As a person who is in a major weight gain stage of life, I really don't need to be force feeding myself any unnecessary food.  So Jack really needs to start talking so I can stop guilt-eating bananas.

Just one of the many things in life you never thought you'd have to struggle with before having a child, like getting to banks before they are even open and wanting to eat lunch at 9am because your child woke you up at the ass crack of dawn.


October 02, 2015

Rain, Rain I'm a Mom

There are a lot of moments as a mom where you realize that your needs are dead last in line, if they even made the list.  Like when you have to pee so bad that it makes you feel almost physically ill but you are out with your child and can't stop to go to the bathroom without leaving him in a precarious situation.  Like last week at the library when I decided to treat myself to a rare bathroom break and I had to bring Jack in the stall with me.  It was during this time that he learned rather quickly how to crawl under the stall and run away.  It was also during this time that I had to stop mid-wee wee, flush the toilet, and run out of the bathroom with my pants halfway up my butt.

But it is during this hurricane/rain dump known as Joaquin that I am truly reminded of the SNL Mom Jeans quote, "Because you're not a woman anymore...You're a mom!"  Every time I have to run Jack out to the car he screams with delight at the little raindrops on his face.  Then he positively giggles as he watches me buckle his dry little ass in and set up his Elmo screening room in the car, as I stand just outside the car getting absolutely soaked.  So then everywhere we go from then on I look a drowned rat, who always has to pee.  And he is dry, happy as a clam, as free to pee in his diaper.

Motherhood: No one said it was glamorous.  No one said it was fair.  And no one ever said that you are ever going to look remotely presentable again.