March 30, 2014

Ice Cream Sundays - Peanut Butter Fudge Core

This week's flavor is another core donation from one of my ice cream investors -
Peanut Butter Fudge Core.
I liked the Peanut Butter Ice Cream half of this ice cream.  The rest was too rich/intense for me.  The core tasted really artificial to me and neither like chocolate nor peanut butter.  Although I know Ben and Jerry's uses only naturally ingredients.  Which means that my palette is now so unsophisticated that I dislike real flavors and prefer the flavors of a similar Target brand, where I'm sure everything is made in a factory.
But as you can see from the picture below, the core wasn't like the luscious caramel dookie of the Salted Caramel Core flavor.  This one was really fudgy, rich, and strange.  And apparently a little lopsided, now that I'm studying the picture.
In a nutshell, I was happy to try it but will be equally as happy to not be tempted to buy it again in the future, since it's highly caloric due to it's rich ingredients.  And because, assuming the world is not in fact a vampire, I have a baby by the time this post comes out and no longer have an excuse to eat copious amounts of ice cream.

Flavors Tried - 47

Favorite Flavors  - Rockin' Blondies

March 27, 2014

Sweet Kale Salad Kit

This is just a good old fashioned recommendation of a product that I am excited about.  I can't remember where I first had it, it was at a dinner party of some sort, so thank you to whoever introduced me to it originally.  I just rediscovered it on my bi-annual pilgrimage to Costco with my mom and got so excited to try it again. 
Disclaimer: I'm not a member, but I'm the daughter of a member.  That counts for some prestige, right?
The salad is packed full of healthy super greens like kale, cabbage, brussell sprouts, broccoli, and chicory (wtf is that?!).  You could serve it at a big party to lots of people, or do what I did and serve it to yourself and your husband for lunches.  I had it with a side of kielbasa and mustard.  Random?  Yes.  But that's what happens when you are part of a shopping group that also purchased 4+ pounds of the flavor meat links. 
The salad has a somewhat raw flavor due to the raw greens in it, but once you get some of that yummy poppy seed dressing, chewy dried cranberries, and crunchy little sunflower seeds, you won't even know that what you are eating is healthy.
Literally...I asked Grant if he liked the salad and he said, "If it is bad for me, then I didn't like it.  But if it was good for me, then I loved it."   Oh Grant, you make me giggle.  He was also in love with the kielbasa and asked me, "What is this meat?!  This is amazing!"  Easy to please, appreciative, and highly confused - what more could you want in a lunch recipient?

March 24, 2014

Still Pregnant

Sorry for keeping you in such suspense...I'm still pregnant.  I think I'm going to change Jack's full name to Jack NotInA Rush.  He obviously doesn't know what kind of anal host he's dealing with.  I like to say that the last time I was late to something was on my own birthdate.  The same better be true for this little fashionably late tot once he finally enters the world.

Although I take it as a high compliment to my womb that Jack still wants to be there, I take it as a major offense to all other parts of my body.  Like my new stomach horn, AKA "The artist formerly known as belly button".

But I don't want to complain per say.  I know I'm lucky to be pregnant at all.  Or, Pregnant Plus in this case.  So let me just leave you with this visual.  A snapshot of the daily email I get from other moms due in March, discussing their feelings and experiences to date.  Each of these subjects is a message board.


My feelings can be best expressed by the boards titled "I'm dead", "So Upset!", "Crying".

And they say women are dramatic!

March 20, 2014

Keep Calm I'm Supergirl

I still can't decide if outfits like this make me relieved or absolutely devastated that I'm not having a girl.  Not that Grant would allow them anyway if we were having a girl.  Until he went on vacation and she got to wear the world's most ridiculous graphic t's and full sentence apparel. 
Please also notice the galactic pants hanging net to this most wonderful shirt.  I'm assuming they are a pair.

March 18, 2014

Pregnancy in Review

Today is my official due date.  I'm either still pregnant.  Or I'm a mom.  I'm writing this in advance so please, please let it be the latter. 
Once I finished my job and my real estate class I officially had nothing to do but wait for this baby to arrive.  That's a weird and scary feeling.  There's just no getting around that.
Maybe that's how this whole pregnancy thing works.  When the enormity of what about to happen finally hits you, you are so physically miserable that it becomes the lesser of two daunting situations so you have no choice but to embrace it.  I'm officially at the point where I'd rather be a scared, clueless, exhausted new mom than a barely mobile, un fun, whale of a human being. 
So let's hope that when this post comes out I'm either in the hospital with a baby that was right on time, or napping with him like two peaceful angels in the nursery because he decided to come on the weekend when it was just super convenient for everyone.  Hey, a girl can dream.
I thought that in honor of my due date I'd jot down a few things I learned during pregnancy so that I wouldn't forget next time (of which there will only be one next time).
1) Michelle Duggar is certifiably insane.  As are all other people who say they like being pregnant.  That's not a real thing.  I like knowing that I'm about to have a cute baby in my life forever that my husband and I made.  But I am not going to front and tell you I like having people stare at me, the constant urge to pee, the 30 extra pounds I'm carrying around, and hips and back that can only be described as "rotty".
2) I never want to be overweight.  The people on the Biggest Loser talk about how emotionally devastated they are from being overweight and it's causes and effects, but they need to talk more about how hard it is to get up from a chair and pick up a dropped pencil.  That is the real shit of being large and in charge.  Every day activities are borderline impossible.
3) I blamed too many things on alcohol.  As it turns out, I always look like shit on Saturday mornings and 5 out of 10 times I can barely remember what I watched on TV the night before.  Sorry white wine, I blamed it all on you when really I'm just kind of gross.  In related news, it seems that my face started eating my makeup during pregnancy.  So if you saw me looking ghostly and unkempt, it wasn't because I didn't try.  My effort just kept vanishing in the midst of my new found jowls. 
Alcohol Quote. ;D Sorry if you saw it already... All in .
4) Not being hungover ever is literally the best thing ever.  I am definitely going to incorporate more of that in my life post-pregnancy.  I did allow myself a glass of wine every now and then and I learned that a small glass really is enough to satisfy the desire for alcohol sometimes.  Who knew?!  A whole bottle is not always necessary.  I know, I'm shocked too!
5) Enough about alcohol.  Let's talk about the real drug in my life now.  SUGAR.  My name is Marilyn and I am addicted to sugar.  I used to not give a real rat's ass about dessert.  During the last few months of pregnancy if I didn't have dessert after every single meal, I got a little panicky", to put it mildly.  I'm kind of scared that the Fresh Market is going to go out of business now that I no longer work across the street and get bulk candy every single day.  This needs to stop ASAP.  Please, whatever you do, don't bring my desserts if you come to visit.  They stand no chance against my extreme addiction. 
6) Not being able to sleep in whatever position you want is a special kind of hell that I never knew existed.  Once I have this baby I am going to get really creative with my sleeping positions just because I can.  I don't really know what that means, but I know that it won't involve a semi-permanent imprint of my underwear in my hips from being forced to sleep on one of two sides every night for nearly a year.  Side sleeping is SO last trimester.
I think that's all for now.  I'm sure when I am up at 4 AM in the morning with dookie on my face and a screaming baby in my ear that I'll look back at these trivial lessons and laugh, even wish I was able to be that fat sleepless idiot trying to catch a REM cycle on her right side while clutching a body pillow for dear life.  But for now, assuming that when this publishes I am with child (on the outside of my body), I'm going to be a blissfully happy camper.

March 17, 2014

Well, that's intimidating

And likely not true:
Alternately titled:
Dude, Where's My Mucus Plug?!

March 16, 2014

Ice Cream Sundays - Salted Caramel Core

I finally have a new flavor to report!  Thanks to the support and reconnaissance of a friend and supporter of the arts (the arts being my need to eat all ice cream ever), I got my hands on one of the new core flavors.
And it was a good old fashioned fun experience.  Thanks in particular to this:
Looks like someone took a dookie in the ice cream.  But it's actually a big log of caramel.  Sweet, sweet, heavenly caramel.
Here's the full description of the ice cream:
Sweet Cream Ice Cream with Blonde Brownies & a Salted Caramel Core.
I would have preferred bigger chunks for the Blonde Brownies.  They were a bit small for my taste.  But when it came to the Salted Caramel Core, I could not have asked for more.  I kept getting scared it was going to disappear as I got down to the bottom, but it was the core that kept on giving.
I still don't like this whole "core" thing as much as the original flavors, but it was so fun and fitting to have a new flavor as I became the most pregnant ever.
Thanks Stuart for the new flavors!

Flavors Tried - 46

Favorite Flavors  - Rockin' Blondies

March 14, 2014

No Tingles Allowed

Obviously I'm too late for Valentine's Day, but if you remain lonely and in need of companionship on this mid-March almost eve of Spring, check this out.
My favorite part of the clip is when Mo asks the girls if the tandem bike actually involves a bike.  One girl's response, "No, that'd be really awkward!"   Because...paying a woman to snuggle with you for an hour isn't awkward on it's own?  No?  OK, then it's just me.
At least I can add another possibility to the list of things I can do to make money now that my 9-5 is over!

March 12, 2014

"Is It Sunday Yet?" Please say no.

This is an inexplicably terrible product for lots of reasons.  But allow me to name a few.

First of all, grown women who like baby dolls enough to still buy them don't care about football...or have friends. 

And men who care about football enough to buy accessories pertaining to it don't want baby dolls.  At least not openly.  At least unless they are registered sex offenders.

Where would you even put this?  Next to the beer and brats?  At least for me, that might be the one way to get me to not gorge on finger placing them next to the world's creepiest, latex sports curmudgeon.  Not worth the buffalo wing to have to get near that little monster!


In what world is team spirit best expressed by a sad doll crouched over like a young Quasimodo wearing a banana hammock made of gauze?

This just all around needs to not exist.  Particularly for $39.98.

March 10, 2014

Driving Miss Obnoxious

Today is the last day of my very last post-licensing class to become a full provisional real estate broker.  Right in the nick of time to leave my job and any immediate chance of being able to use it. 
But that is neither here nor there.  I'm happy I have it, I plan to use it in the future, and I can still get referral fees in the meantime.  Hint, hint ;)
Let me add that this is the last 30-hour class of 3 30-hour classes.  For a total of 90 post-licensing hours.  In addition to the 75 hour pre-licensing class that I took in 2012.  For a whopping 165 hours in all.  That is just so, so many hours of my life spent sitting in a chair.  I don't even like to think about it.
The first day I walked in the class (last Monday), the teacher actually yelled out, "WOAH, mama is close!"  Now every day subsequent to that I think all of my classmates are terrified that my water is going to break at any moment and cause a ruckus.  It's kind of fun to watch the fear in their eyes when I make any sudden movements.  But also really scary because I myself am terrified my water is going to break at any moment as well.  So, there's that.
I think today is the day that I go into dramatic faux labor.  I've gone 9 months without trying to punk anyone into believing it is happening.  Now is my time to shine.  And by shine I mean scare the shit out of perfect strangers.
I haven't played a cruel joke on true strangers since I was 15 years old in Drivers' Ed Class.  I took the class at Page High School and I was the only student in attendance who did not actually go to Page High School.  All of my high school classmates took Drivers' Ed from some private guy named Charlie Brown.  My mom thought that was ridiculous so I went public.  And it took about 2 classes before one clever fellow started calling me "Day School" and it stuck with the whole gang. 
As it turned out, that clever fellow was in my practice driving group of 3 people that got to cruise around various parts of town and practice parallel parking, driving no the highway, and generally not killing other drivers. 
On the last day of class/practice driving I'd had just about enough of this "Day School" crap.  So when it was my turn to be dropped off at home, I went ahead and directed them to the biggest house that I knew of, maybe the biggest house in Greensboro, and got them to pull right up the driveway to "my house". 
The look on the name caller's face as his jaw dropped to the floor was priceless.  Suddenly "Day School" wasn't so hilarious after all!
But I only let the shock last a few beats before I told them I was kidding and actually lived elsewhere.  Good times.  Good times.
Moral of the story: Don't call people names.  They might just end up being a tricky little bitch who is going to temporarily school your ass at the end of Drivers' Ed.

March 06, 2014

Head Scratcher

Today I got a prenatal massage.  I got it because my _____ hurts (fill in the blank).  I got it because I have officially developed a clicking noise in my spine when I walk.  But mostly I got it because I have a gift card to a spa so I got it for free.  Definitely mostly that.
It was so relaxing and nice, but as warned it didn't really do anything to alleviate my lower back pain.  I'm pretty sure the only thing that will achieve that is birthing this little boy who for 9 months has resided only on the right side of my body.  I'm no doctor but my intuition tells me that his love of the right side + my aching, throbbing right hip has something to do with the clicking in my back.
Nonetheless, it was heavenly.  I got some back massage, hot stone action, foot rub, and head scratching.  A head scratch might just be my favorite physical pleasure of all time.  I can't even wait to tally up how much money I can save on massages when my kids are old enough for me to trick them into scratching my head for extra toy store money.  I'll make it seem more noble than that though...I've got time to devise a plan.
The whole time she was scratching my head, in between fits of ecstasy, I was thinking, I wonder how such accepted professions came to be.  For instance, who was the original person who first had the disposable income and the gall to say to a pal, "Hey buddy, I really trust you and you look like you have strong hands and a major need for cash so, no disrespect at all, but I will actually give you money to rub my entire body for an hour.  With oil.  Oh, and throw in some head scratches while you're at it"?
That had to have been awkward.
But, like the first person to ever see a pineapple and think, "Oh this is a good idea, let's definitely sink our teeth into this!", this trail blazer has enriched my life in ways I can never reciprocate...or truly justify.
I  massages.

March 04, 2014

Car Seat Inspection

This won't make you laugh, but it will end the argument you are having with your husband about whether or not your car seat is installed properly.  Because, despite a certain someone's casual attitude, this sort of thing matters.  Like, A LOT!


I went last week to get my car seat installation inspected at the fire station.  I felt like a tool bag going there because it seems like an over cautious thing to do.  But it did in fact end an argument I was having with my husband and put my mind at ease as to the safety of my future child.  So feeling like a giant nerd bomber was a small price to pay.

BTW - Having the seat in the middle is the safest.  And taking off any unnecessary accessories like a mirror or head rest reduce the risk of things that can fly in your baby's face in the event of a car accident.  So they basically unpimped Jack's car seat, but all in the name of safety.

Bonus: The fire men were actually cute and hunky!  Not the pudgy, mustached old men that usually drive around in fire trucks dispelling your dreams of sexy men in high heat and hard hats.  They also could not have been nicer or more helpful. 

 I already can't wait to go back to get my forward facing car seat inspected when Jack gets older.  So many car seats, so much money to Babies R Us.  What a freaking racket!

March 02, 2014

Ice Cream Sundays - New Core Flavors

If it wasn't for this blog, I would be highly alarmed at the number of people who sent me this article yesterday:

Luckily, it's all for the sake of Diva Says What so I totally don't have a problem with ice cream and sugar, right?  Right?!

I feel like Jessie Spano a la her caffeine pill freakout.


Either way, I'm officially on the look out.  Especially for the Salted Caramel Core.  I hope these flavors come to NC in the next three weeks before I run out of excused to keep stuffing my face with more sugar than a Domino factory.