September 30, 2010

Dramatic to the Death


Owww. Poor little Mimi got a boo boo.

Apparently after her graceful fall in Singapore earlier this week, Mariah is now wheel-chair bound due to an ankle sprain.


I hope with all my heart that she is pregnant, because if not than this is the most dramatic way possible to be just injured...from an ankle sprain.

Read this article here to learn the details about the injury, and about how Mariah apparently doesn't own sensible shoes and has to get some poor minion to send her flats.

Ridic!

September 29, 2010

Happy Anniversary to the Odoms


This is really random and stupid, but I just have to give a shout out to Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom.

People said it wouldn't last! But here they are a year later insanely madly in love.

The only reason I mention this is because Khloe really seems to have found a lot of confidence ever since she got the biggest diamond ring ever married, and that just makes me really happy since she was clearly the most self conscious her whole unmarried life.

And who wouldn't be with a sister like Kim Kardashian?! Even though I have literally no idea how she got sooo rich and famous, I do think that she is stunningly beautiful and would NOT want to be compared to her my whole life.
Yay for Khloe and for self confidence and jewelry!

Dance and Sleep


If any of you have trouble falling asleep like me, I have a recommendation.

Go see the Chae Hyang Soon Dance Company perform "Dynamic Korea: Dance and Song".

I managed to sit through only 30 minutes of this performance last night and the whole time I felt like I was being slowly put to sleep with a tranquilizer dart. Not surprisingly, my husband was more than ready to leave when I was.

Check out a glimpse of the heart stopping magic here.

Don't be fooled by the music when it sounds like things are about to get big and exciting. They never do...However, if you're really in to slow swaying and clapping sticks get your tickets now!

September 28, 2010

DUFF


Woooow. This is going to be good for the future self confidence of today's youth.


I ran across this beaut of an ad in Alloy magazine, clothing for today's ill-kempt youth.


According to urbandictionary.com DUFF is the following:

An abbreviation for 'Designated Ugly Fat Friend'. Often in many large groups of women (usually adolecents) there will be a D.U.F.F. as a means to look better by comparison.


Thankfully until today I'd never heard of this insanely offensive slang term. Godwilling I won't start noticing the expression when I'm out with my friends in the future!


This hurts my heart. Teen author Kody Deplinger might need to go back to the drawing board before expecting to win her first Pullitzer.

Sad-Facebook


Nothing dramatic ever happens on facebook anymore :(

I miss the days of opening up my homepage, only to discover that Suzy Glasses from middle school was expecting an illegitimate child. Or that Francis Fabulous had finally come out of the closet. Or that Connie Conservative was in an interracial relationship.

Now it's all about Billy Boring bitching about his football team and Gretchen Gradschool complaining about the paper she has to write.

This is a call to my many, many facebook friends out there: Stop playing by the book! Start testing behavioral norms and social boundaries! For me, please?!

And finally, don't even get me started on the "Photos" feed. Does facebook really expect me to believe that with over 1500 friends only ONE person has uploaded photos in the last day?

RIP Original facebook. Your user friendliness and photo updates on the reg will always be greatly missed.

September 27, 2010

Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice - Product Review


Today's product review is the delicious, spice-a-licious Pumpkin Spice coffee cup from Keurig.

These little guys are DELISH, and really embody the spirit of Fall. With the perfect burst of pumpkin spice at the end of every sip, you'll feel taken away to the pumpkin patches of yore.

I don't know where you buy these little gems, but I know a guy, who knows a lady, who may or may not be my mom, who can buy them for me.

Hit up your online Keurig supplier or local awesome mom for a box today!

What better way to start your day then with a warm or iced cup of the spirit of the season!

Top of the mornin' to ya :)

September 24, 2010

Holy Foot Underwear



Presenting FOOT UNDEEZ!

http://www.zappos.com/capezio-foot-undeez-leopard

To me, the most offensive part of this product isn't that it's underwear for your foot. It's that it's sold in leopard and zebra print.


Because why wouldn't you want your foot underwear to be as trashy as possible.


I'm sure these are for dancers, but I bet you they are also useful for things like:


1) Getting your boyfriend to dump you
2) Avoiding conversation with anyone else, ever
3) Losing your job


Multi-purpose foot knickers are the best!

Quote of the Day


"That's your laugh? Sounds like a squirrel orgy."

September 23, 2010

I'm too sexy for my shirt


Do you ever wonder how incredibly muscular people at the gym get their results?

Well I think I found out yesterday, and the answer is not going to benefit any mere mortals.

There is a totally ripped guy at my gym who has muscles so big that they seriously bulge out of his t-shirt sleeves. As a result, he often wears tank tops, which is just unfortunate for eveyone.

Anywho, I've always seen him doing semi-cray cray weight activities but never anything that really screams, "Hey! This is how I am so jacked!"

But now I think I know why. Yesterday I went to the gym crica 2:30pm to sign up for a machine (which is necessary b/c it's a terrible public university gym with 30 minute cardio limits). I saw him there at this time.

Flash forward to 4:30, when I went to actually work out. He was still there! And as a little angel that I like to call Milly says, "I swear for God," he didn't leave until around 5:15pm.

So folks, that's the answer. If you want to be insanely ripped, almost to the point of being disgusting, just work out for almost 3 hours everyday.

*As I was writing this post in my head yesterday I was thinking, "Who in the world has that kind of time everyday?!" Then I remembered the post below that I wrote 10 minutes ago. Uh oh. I guess technically I should/could be spending 3 hours at the gym everyday. Needle pointing, here I come!

Wasted Days and Wasted Nights


Ladies and gents, I am suffering from a serious case of 6-9pm boredom. And I need your help to remedy that situation.

Can any of you out there recommend a time consuming activity that doesn't cost a lot of money?

I would try crocheting, but I don't want to just end up with a bunch of fugly sweaters and hats lying around.

I'm thinking maybe needle point, because I could try to make pillows with awesome Diva sayings on them. (But definitely NOT the cat pictured above...I hate cats).

The only requirements for any suggestions are that it be:

1) An individual activity - my husband is in grad school and can't ever play :(
2) Not expensive - so jewelry making is out of the question because beads are expensive like woah
3) Preferably something that doesn't involve eating or drinking - Trust me, I've tried all possible activities in this category and they do not leave me feeling satisfied.

Ok divas, please help me think of something to fill the 3 most boring hours of my day!

If someone comes up with something awesome that I can actually do, I'll send them a $10 gift card to either Starbucks or Subway or any place of your choosing where $10 can actually buy you something.

P.S. I already go to the gym from 4:30-6ish, so go ahead and rule out that suggestion.

September 22, 2010

Aaaaand...


Now I want a margarita*

*See below

1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila, Fat




I was watching the newest season of the Biggest Loser online recently* and noticed something that don't make noooo sense.

At least in the online version, Biggest Loser is sponsored by Jose Cuervo Tequila.

Me thinks tequila is not the best way to lose weight. God only knows what sorts of fattening Mexican feasts you would be inclined to make in your drunken tequila stupor.

Nevermind the hangovers that would prevent you from your last chance workouts the next day.

Perhaps it's time for a new sponsor B.L. Speaking of B.L., maybe Bud Light Lime would be a good alternative if you're going for the whole buzzed thing.

If not that, then maybe something that at least makes a little bit of sense, like a vegetable farmer?!

Cheers!

*That reminds me, I need to buy more tissues!

Charge it!


Have you ever noticed that in ALL credit card commercials they swipe the card the wrong way/not on the strip side in order to show the company name.

That drives me crazy!


If you want to show off the brand name so bad, then move the magnetic strip. Don't just sit there and be wrong in all of your commercials.


I had to go waaay back in the day to find some of these commercials, but check out my proof below.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7rm-yadkGY


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hydcIXn9S3o&feature=related


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImteMl4MTUI&feature=related (around the 1:37 mark)


Editor's Note: After looking for about 45 minutes, these were the only ones I could find online, but trust me, you'll notice it all the time now. It's on pretty much every commercial where a swipe is involved. So wrong.

September 21, 2010

A Football Miracle


I'm so excited! I can actually walk today.

Last week after flag football I woke up with a bruise on my face and was so sore that I had to lift up my legs with my arms to get out of chairs. You can imagine how graceful that was.

Today, after implementing a vigorous routine of stretching and getting subs on the reg, there is no soreness!

Fellow extreme athletic talentless intramural players take note! The NFL has nothing on us now.

Tv Christmas Morning


Thank goodness for fall, with it's luscious weather and it's infinite amount of tv.

I have so many shows to watch this week that it's almost scary.

Here's my lineup so far of shows I plan on getting/staying into:

1) Mad Men
2) Castle
3) How I Met Your Mother
4) Two and a Half Men
5) Rules of Engagement
6) Dancing With the Stars
7) Jersey Shore
8) Keeping Up With the Kardashians
9) Grey's Anatomy
10) Modern Family
11) Cougartown
12) Eastbound and Down (thanks to 3 free months of HBO!)
13) Real Housewives of Everywhere
14) House
15) Gossip Girl
16) Glee
17) The Event
18) Biggest Loser
There are probably more but that's all I can think of off the top of my head and my DVR.
How did I get to be so lucky?!
If any of you have any recommendations for bomb@$$ shows that aren't already on my list, hook a sista up!


September 20, 2010

Free Breakfast...in 4 to 6 weeks!


Click on the bottom right button here http://www.creamofwheat.com/cinnabon/ to receive a free sample!

I'll drink to that




If for any reason you're under the impression that you're a "good drunk", I have a suggestion for you.

Do what I did this Saturday. Go to a bar around 6pm where every other person has been drinking since noon.

There you will see indisputable proof that no one is a "good drunk" after that many hours.

Just a tip to save you from thinking that you're capable of achieving the impossible!

September 17, 2010

Manners


I learned something last night that I think they forgot to tell us all in Manners Class.


It's not that awesome to start a conversation with a perfect stranger about how many and how fast the people in your family are dying.



Especially if it's a dinner situation.



On a related not, short ribs are awesome.

Quote of the Day


"Oh....my.....CHER!"

September 15, 2010

Baby why not me?


Did any of yall see the Judds on Oprah yesterday?

I have never seen less natural looking hair colors in all my life.

Literally, these colors do not occur in nature.
Tone it down mama and sista!

Free Desserts! Aaaaah!


Free Desserts Today! In celebration of Bravo’s new series, Top Chef Just Desserts premiering September 15th, enjoy sweet treats today from nearly 300 participating bakeries and retailers nationwide.

Check out this list to see if a bakery near you is participating.


Sadly, none are in my neck of the woods. But please go eat your heart out, get a sugar high, and send me a pic of what you get!

The event lasts until 8pm tonight.

September 14, 2010

Cry Baby


Last night was the first game of the season for the Flag Football team I signed up for.

Although we were losing the entire time, I had fallen twice in my attempts to get an opponent's flag and was feeling very tough and aggressive.

Usually I only feel that way personality-wise. Not physically.

Well anywho, in the last 30 seconds of the game, those feelings were washed away when I ran into the tallest guy on our team face first into some part of his body that was apparently made of bricks.

My first thought was, "Oh crap, we just died."

Then, "Oh no, I'm alive but my brain fell out."

Then after checking for all of my teeth and seeing that the other person was alright, the worst happened.

Tears...swelling up, in front of everyone. MORTIFICATION in da house.

Luckily my face isn't swollen and broken this morning like I had feared, but as I'm typing this I did just have my first bite of my banana, and it does not feel good to chew.

Next week I am going to redeem myself for tearing up by wearing war paint under my eyes and grunting loudly during plays.

There's no crying in flag football!

Free Sample Time!


Top of the mornin' to ya laddies.

Let's start this AM off right with something free!


Just click the link above for a free sample of a Quaker Life Soft Baked Bar in one of 2 yummy sounding flavors.

Free stuff is the stuff of life.

Product Review: Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale


Today's product review is...Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale.


Final verdict: NOT a bad beer, but does NOT taste at all like Pumpkin.


If you're looking for a distinct pumpkin taste like I was, do not buy.


If you're looking for a nice fall sipping beer that isn't too bitter, give it a try. At least the bottle colors are pretty and in season!


P.S. Do any of you know of any really pumpkiny beers? I'm def going to keep sipping until I find one, but I'd love a recommendation!

Repeat Repition


Do any of you out there ever experience repeat sightings after you first hear or see something for the first time?

For example, when I was younger, there was a girl I knew of named Leigh. Then I met another girl that looked a little like her, and I thought that was Leigh too.

Once I found out that the second girl was NOT Leigh, I saw both of them everywhere I went. Confusing in words, but wierd in real life.

Or when you hear a word for the first time, look up the definition, and then hear that word every following day that week in some form of media or another??

My repeat sighting this month has been FIGS!

I've obviously heard of figs before, and even been grossed out by a few Fig Newtons, but I've never actually seen a fresh fig.

Lo and behold, I've seen one every single day for the past 3 weeks. Whether it's on a blog, at the Farmer's Market, in a cookbook, on a menu, or sitting front and center at the Harris Teeter entrance, there they are. Figs. Everywhere.

Freaky stuff people!

What's your repeating sighting of the week/month/year?!?

September 13, 2010

Zombie Chic

Source

I was thumbing through my free issue of Vanity Vair recently (aka, the worst magazine ever), and I came across this beauty.


How much do you NOT want to hang out with these skinny bitches!?


I can only imagine that however bad they would make you feel about your body, they would make you feel incredible about your personality.


These girls look absolutely miz. I think somebody needs a cheeseburger to perk them up!

September 10, 2010

Clothing Store Etiquette

Source

I went shopping for the first time in a long time today, and oh my was it rewarding. I found some super great things.

Random semi-related story: Before our honeymoon I bought several non-interesting but non-terrible shirts for travelling from Old Navy that really were all about $5-10 a piece. Everytime my husband said he liked me shirt, I said "Thanks, it was only $5 from Old Navy." After about the 5th time he admitted, "I don't really believe you anymore that you got all these shirts for $5." But at the time it was true.

Present day: The items I got today were NOT $5 :-/

Anywhoooo...I was checking out of Anthropologie with a "must have" shirt and the cashier said "I love this shirt! "And these earrings!" (oh yeah, I also bought earrings)

What is the proper protocol in this situation??

Does one say, "Thanks," because technically she is complimenting your shirt?

Or is it more humble to say, "Me too!" because, techinically, at that time, you don't yet own it so it's not being conceited?

No se! It's just awkward.

Also, I hate when you go to a dressing room and the worker in the area puts you in a room and says, "My name is _____, if you need anything."

And, if I don't need anything? What is your name then?

Me thinks the person should say, "My name is Mamacita. If you need anything, let me know."

Moral of the story: New outfits + Friday make Mamacita a happy girl :)

Let Their Be Food






I went to a great cooking class last night at Southern Season in Chapel Hill. This place is LUSCIOUS to the extreme. They have every imagineable spice, chocolate, coffee, plate, cookbook, wine, etc. that you could ever dream of.

It's also extremely confusing, overwhelming, and maze-like, but luscious nonetheless.

The class was called a Taste of Thai, and let me tell you...those Thai are on to something! Bursts of ginger! Crunches of peanuts and cashews! The light spice of onions, garlic, and shallots! Oh me, oh my.

Besides the fact that every recipe called for Fish sauce, which I've never seen, heard of, purchased, or used, I think I might just have to turn my kitchen into a regular ห้องครัว (that means kitchen in Thai).

Fun fact: The class was taught by an actual Thai woman who grew up without electricity! (Not the random lady pictured above).

While I would never in a billion years spend $35 on an entree at a restaurant, I would sure as hell spend $35 again at a cooking class. If you ask me that's a steal for 2 tasting glasses of wine, an appetizer, and 3 petite entrees. Not to mention an hour of entertainment our of your house, with a good friend, and away from the boob tube.

If you ever go with me though, just don't be one of those a-holes who asks a million questions just to prove that you also know a lot about cooking. There's a reason you're not teaching your own class, so shut up.

Cook on divas! Cook on!

Not So Funny, or Tasty


Not that anyone ever asked, but I am going to start doing some product reviews to save future divas from buying inferior products and to encourage them to spend all of their money on awesome ones.

I can proudly say that I am one of the elite few who have tried all of the new Laughing Cow cheeses, including Light Blue Cheese, Light Mozzarella, Sun-Dried Tomato, & Basil, and Light Queso Fresco and Chipotle.

Verdict = Stick with the originals because the new flavors taste like nothing. Except for the blue cheese, which tastes like blue cheese, which tastes like poo if you ask me.

I had high hopes for these little 35 calorie dreamboats when I purchased them, with visions of creamy crackers smeared in the Light Mozzarella, etc. flavor, and latin american dreams of a chipotle inspired sandwich situation.

Alas, I got nothing. The Light Chipotle only has a taste about 30 seconds after you eat it. And call me high maintenance, but I actually like to taste things when I eat them.

The Mozzarella is just a waste of packaging. If anything it just masked the delicious taste of my cracker with its blandness.

So, ladies and gents, I highly suggest you stick with the creamy Light Swiss, the decadent Light French Onion, and the flavor packed Light Garlic and Herb.

Because like songs, boobs, and books turned into movies, the original is always better.

September 09, 2010

Teen Mom and other Offences

Source






I seriously cannot believe that 3 out of the 4 moms from MTV's Teen Mom have recently graced the cover of some of my most beloved magazines.

Surely, SURELY, there is something more interesting going on in the entertainment world than these too-young-to-be-moms.

I admit to watching the show out of sheer boredom every week, but that does NOT mean that I respect myself for doing so.
If I were a broke, insecure teenager and I watched this show, I wouldn't necessarily walk away from it knowing that it is hard and lonely to have a child when none of your peers do and you have no idea how to take care of another life.
I would walk away from it thinking, "Damn, if I want to get famous and rich from magazine covers, I should go try to get pregnant from the local village idiot."
Great message publications of America.

But what has really got me heated is this week's cover of People magazine.

1) People, I know you're technically a tabloid, but I really thought you were better than this.

2) If you really want to be picky, Tyler and Catelynn shouldn't even be on the show because they aren't actually teen parents. The people they gave their baby to are parents, not them.

3) Finally, how long can one person have braces?! Catelynn...my advice to you, take some of that People money and find a new orthodontist because 3 years is too long to have that damn metal on your teeth.

Looooong Week

What is it about long weekends that makes the following short weeks such an emotional rollercoaster?!

Tuesday evening, when I realized I only had 3 more days of work left, I'm going to be honest, I felt downright smug about it, like I was the queen of the world.
Now, an eternity later, it's still only Thursday!! Friday 5pm get here now!

It's all just too much for the everyday diva. I'm convinced 3 day work weeks are the only solution.

September 08, 2010

Homemade Joke


What's the hardest thing to get into, the least fun thing to get out of, but the best thing to be in?

Answer: here

Does it take anyone else 2+ hours sometimes to fall asleep? I swear I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy...and I have a LOT of enemies.

September 03, 2010

September 02, 2010

Someday I'll Fly Away


I think I have discovered the most UN-SEXY sport in the world.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wingsuit_flying

Wingsuit Flying. Where grown men waste money on bird-like suits and convince themselves that they are actually flying.

I know that usually extreme sports and the athletes who do them have a certain allure or sex appeal to them.

I do not believe that that allure exists with wingsuit flying.

Something about an adult male spending time and money on pretending to fly really turns me off. I don't want to go on dates with birds, so why would I want to go on a date with a man pretending to be one?

In fact, I'd rather go on a date with Penguin from the Batman movie than with some grown ass man wearing a damn bird suit.

If you want to see this ridiculousness in action, check out a video here.

Fatty Fat Fat


Too far America. Too far.


Deep fried beer. When regular beer isn't bad enough for you.

Gym Germs


I'm starting to get really annoyed with all the germaphobes at the gym.

I see people who wipe down their machines with spray, towel, and wipes before and after they use a weight machine.

I see people bathing themselves in hand sanitizer when entering and leaving the gym.

To these people I have to say, if you are that scared of gym germs, then rent a workout DVD for your home.

There used to be this really hot guy that I stared at while on the elliptical machine across the room. But after a few months, when I saw his incessant wiping, cleaning, and sanitizing of everything he touched, I totally lost (creepy staring) interest. I am not a fan of dainty men.

Be a man! Embrace the germs.

Then me a human, go home, wash your hands, and take a shower. 15 minutes of not being sanitized never killed anyone. (Actually it probably did, but not gym-related I bet).

I think the world has gone nuts with hand sanitizer.

Me? I'm not a fan. I hate the smell and I have yet to see any proof that it's not just a more lubricated way to rub around the same germs over and over again all over your hands.

Obviously I'm not going to go around rubbing my face on the gym mats or putting my fingers in my eyes after using a weight machine, but have mercy. If you're at the gym, you're going to get a little dirty. And if you don't, then you're probably doing something wrong!

I heart germs.

September 01, 2010