December 31, 2019

Happy New Year


Another year gone by.  It was a good one because I am #trulyblessed.  But if I’m being honest I don’t remember a single thing I did this year.  That’s pretty much how I have felt for the last 6 years.  Which is why my main resolution this year is to FOCUS.  I want to always know what day and month it is which will be a pretty big lifestyle change.   

Since I last posted I sprained my ankle a week after having surgery, had to wear a boot for 3 weeks in the peak of summer, and got an acid photo burn on my hand from a mixture of lime juice and the sun.  Too many margaritas and not even SPF makes for another random physical element I suppose.

I should have known the summer wasn’t going to be my peak sexiness on the first day after school ended.  I chased a loose receipt all over the parking lot of the grocery store, only to finally catch it and look up to find 6 sexy firemen walking toward me who had seen the whole tragic pursuit.

Back to the present.  I am sick of watching tv and sick of drinking wine.  I want to read books at night and wake up feeling like a precious innocent.  I am actually excited to make healthy changes this year.  Apparently there is a maximum amount of Real Housewives and Sauvignon Blanc that someone can enjoy.  And I have hit the max.  Send book recommendations!

It’s also come to my attention lately that my nose has almost doubled in size since I was in high school.  I know there’s no way to change it or reverse it.  But I just need you to know that I know. 

I think I am going full yoga this year with some cardio free styling.  I’ve been trying boot camp classes for years and have finally come to terms with the fact that I am too floppy and too prone to lower back injury to make it enjoyable.  I love yoga and it makes me feel like I can live a long life with fewer aches and pains and more positive vibes.  So that’s what I am going to do!

I also resolve to never run again.  I tried once this year and I honestly didn’t remember how to do it.  Every single part of my body was jiggling and it just wasn’t good for my psyche or the general morale of the neighborhood.  I don’t even like to watch other people run.  I feel like I get a new cluster of spider veins every time someone even jogs by me.

I would also like to say I am going to play more pickup games of basketball.  There is a 0% chance this will actually happen but something about a casual game of B-ball with a few strangers excites me greatly. 

This is pretty unrelated to the new year but I truly believe that loose BBQ sauce should not be photographed.  I like it just fine on a nice piece of chicken but don’t put that sauce on tv running down a sandwich.  It’s too thick and it’s disgusting.

That’s all I got for now!  Happy New Year to all!

June 08, 2019

90210h my gosh

It’s been a long long time since I blogged but I am back!  I recently went to a wedding and got lots of requests to revive Diva Says What, so I had to give the people what they want.

Last time I checked in I was living the dream and my kids were perfect....oh wait no I was complaining about day light savings and might have called my kids assholes.

In the last year I have done seemingly nothing in an endless Groundhog Day but actually a whole a lot has happened.  I bought a new house and sold my old house in one day by myself and pretended to know what I was doing.  I pulled a catering business out of my ass and then put it back in there a year and half later.  It was fun while it lasted but I got scared of the man busting me and I just got so sick of doing dishes and trimming excessive amounts of poultry while my kids were at school that I had to hang up my illegal chefs hat.  But I still do special requests 😉

I met freaking Ian Zeiring in the gift bag aisle of target.  He has the body of 25 year old and the hat of a member of a barbershop quartet.  I didn’t even know what to do afterward.  I called my sister and asked, “How do I even go back to my normal life after having met Ian because I know it won’t be the same?!” It turns out it was the same.  Most people I told didn’t even know who he was.  And then the show he was here filming got canceled basically before I even got home from Target 😬I was so normal and not abrasive in person.  Then I got a little crazy and asked him to come swim with my family via Instagram.  Hey you original 90210 fans get it right?

No...that’s a no...I mean if it were Dillon or Brandon, yes ask him for a group swim.  But not Steve Sanders.  I was clearly not having a fulfilling day.  

Speaking of grasping at straws for a connection, I recently had to go under anesthesia and, upon waking, told nurse April that my name was March...nope.  But I was born in March so maybe I’m not a total sociopath.

I got a hernia repair which was undoubtedly more painful than birthing over 17 pounds of kid.  Pregnancy is truly the gift that keeps on giving to your body.  And do you even know how hard it is to scream at your children with an abdominal wound?  Almost impossible

I haven’t had to put a bandage on my stomach since sophomore year of college when, after a rather terrible night, I spilled a bowl of Easy Mac on my stomach and got a 3rd degree burn.  My roommates did their drunken best of taking care of me and applying slices of kraft singles to my wound, but nothing could save it from the burn.  The scar remains today.  No scar makes a parent prouder than an easy mac scar.  I really went to bat for my buzz...I’ve never eaten Easy Mac since.

I wish I could make a PSA to all teens and twenties to love their bodies before having kids.  I look back at pictures from when I was young and thin and remember being self conscious at the time.  Oh silly young Marilyn.  Little did I know that a mere decade later I would have to hold my crotch and stomach while sneezing so that I didn’t pee in my pants and rupture my hernia stitches at the same time.

There is nothing I love more than a random act of kindness and when I was the recipient of them after my surgery it brought a tear to me eye to realize how lucky I am to have such great friends.  They brought me pizza, wine, books, casseroles, stool softeners...what more could a gal ask for?

I feel like in our thirties, it’s so easy to get caught up on making money, trying to look a certain way, and caring what people think of us.  Sometimes I think I care and try to buy outfits that aren’t even from Old Navy and then I realize I truly, madly, deeply, don’t give a shit.  All I care really about in life is raising kind kids, having a few close friends that make me laugh, and having a great relationship with my spouse and family.  

That’s truly all I need in life.  Well, that, dental floss and a full size brush.

I also saw Boyz II Men in concert which was truly epic to me.  Even though it took some adjusting to their 3 part harmony since my boy Mike is no longer it the group, I had the time of my life signing along.  I took it upon myself to play the part of Mariah Carey when they sang One Sweet Day because she shockingly wasn’t there. I sang so hard I could barely speak after the concert, but I managed, made my friend take a photo session of me at a college bar, and narrowly escaped what would have been a tragic karaoke version of Motownphilly because I got too tired and had to go home. 

Now that I am no longer under suspicion of running a food truck as the gals at the meet counter at Harris Teeter accused me of, I am pretty free and ready to keep up the blog.  Hopefully I’ll stick to it. Happy Summer!