October 27, 2014

Thoughts on Motherhood - 7 Months

Isn't it ironic that the greatest gift you and your spouse can give one another is the gift of a child?  Yet the meanest thing you can do to one another is leave them alone with that child for the entire weekend?
I was alone with Jack all weekend.  Which wasn't in a big deal because it was the just the same as every other day of my life, but it still would have been nice to have been alone for 5 or 10 minutes.  I know, I'm high maintenance!
I started wondering how I could possibly still be excited about the weekend even though it wasn't really a day off for me.  (I'm sure it wasn't mostly due to the pizza and friends I was having over that night.  Pizza + friends makes everything better).  I realized this either means that every day of my life is kind of like a weekend....or that in reality I'll never have an actual relaxing weekend again for at least another 18 years.
I think my main beef with the whole situation was that I had to wake up at 6 on both Saturday and Sunday.  That ain't even right.  Hats off to single parents out there.  I don't know how they do it.

October 22, 2014

I'm With Stupid

Do you ever feel like your mind and your body aren't on the same page?  I do!
Due to Jack's all encompassing hatred for his carseat, whenever we are out and about I am basically in constant fear that he is going to freak out and I'll have to abandon my missions.  That usually leads me to be very hot, sweaty, and nervous when on the town.  And almost always a little distracted too.
Today I went to the gym for a class.  Jack was tear free for the car ride there, the whole entire time I was "taking my exercise" (as my grandfather used to say), and even when I put him BACK in the carseat, which is usually the time he really lets the screams out.
I decided I was going to take advantage of this amazing opportunity to go to Harris Teeter and get him some prune juice.  The poor little lad has been having some very painful stomach problems in the last few days.
He was wonderful the whole time we were at the store.  I even took the time to order a sandwich!  I was getting so carried away.  It was wonderful. 
And then I knocked down an entire display of 2 gallon Gold Peak Iced Tea when I gingerly lifted one bottle off to take home with me.  Boo boo to my foot that it fell on.  Gaping wound to my pride as I stood there with a stunned baby, a fallen wooden shelving display, and lots and lots o' tea.
The manager kept asking me again and again if I was OK.  It was not totally unlike this experience at Outback Steakhouse.
Needless to say, that little ordeal had me just a wee bit flustered.  So naturally I checked out with my groceries in the self checkout, too embarrassed to interact with actual humans, grabbed my receipt, and then left all of my groceries on the counter and got into my car.
So whenever you think you are alone in your mind-body disconnect, just remember there's always some other idiot in Wilmington making it rain iced tea and leaving her overly-confident groceries at the store.
*Obviously I went back for my groceries after I realized my mistake.  I wasn't going to leave a perfectly good sandwich abandoned, no matter how embarrassed I was!

October 21, 2014

Early Bird Gets the Worm, and All the Coffee

Sometimes I can't believe I live in a world in which I wake up in the 6 o'clock hour everyday. 
If you had told my college/post college self that, she would have laughed in your face.  But it would have been sometime after 10 or 11am when she was just getting up, excited that she could skip breakfast altogether and go straight for lunch.  See, she loves sandwiches.
Now if I get to sleep into until 7am, I am positively thrilled. 
That's why it was no big deal to wake up at 5:00am to go see the Today show in New York City last weekend.  I found the perfect spot to stand with my mom in which we were situated perfectly behind a set of large lights.  That way we could see everything perfectly and no one would ever put us on TV because of the giant equipment in front of us.  Pretty much our dream situation in all of life.
It wasn't until we left the main set and leisurely walked over to the cranberry bog that we accidentally ended up front and center on TV.
A friend sent me this screen shot of us:
That's officially as famous as I ever want to get.

October 14, 2014

Jazzy by Sherpa

Jazzy by Sherpa - The Park Avenue Pet Carrier
You may try to convince me that there is a better name for a product out there, but I simply won't believe you. 
My mother in law's sister sent her this bag as a dog carrier.  And I am not sure if it's a joke or not.  And I'm not sure if you are technically allowed to use it outside of Park Avenue.  But I know I am obsessed with it.
A cross section between New York style...
Any Park Avenue chic.

October 07, 2014

Thoughts on Motherhood - 6.5 Months

1. The first thing I say every time I hear Jack wake up on the monitor is "What time is it!?"  I basically don't even care if I got good sleep or not.  I just need to know if Jack has slept through the night.  It's like the mom version of being superficial.  But instead of caring about clothes, appearance, etc., I care more about hours of sleep slept versus actually being well rested. 
I don't actually care what time it is.  Why would I?  I live in the most adorable version of groundhog day and have nothing to do.  I just need to know that my baby will one day sleep from 7-7.
Admitting you have a problem is the first step...
2. Alarms no longer exist.  If there are things to be done that involve waking up before a baby wakes you up, I do not want to do them.  Unless it involves being in a Caribbean time zone.  And me being on vacation.  And the baby being in a different time zone.
I basically haven't woken up naturally in over 6 months.
3. I have started following so many mommy blogs on Facebook that, since I read almost every post in detail, I am almost always either laughing my ass off or quietly weeping on my phone. 
The humor about shared experiences and sadness about parental loss is real and deep and constant on social media.  Tissues not included.
4. I think I finally got my shit together.  6 months later.  And I'm not talking about baby weight.  In fact, let's never speak of baby weight again, mmkay?
I'm talking about prioritizing the shit out of my time.  When Jack was first born, I used all of his sleepy time to catch up on TV shows.  Now that he only takes 2-3 naps a day I try to be like a naptime ninja so I feel more accomplished.  Today in his afternoon nap I painted an entire dresser AND bathed myself.  Miracles do happen.
5. The whole "not having a job" thing has finally caught up with me in terms of my fun money cash flow.  AKA, fun money is a thing of my Jackless past.  That being said, I will also paint your dresser.  For $100.  But I'll need at least a week to do it.  And for you to take care of my child during the painting of each coat.  Don't everybody call at once.
6. I love Fall!  I can finally pile on the layers I love so much and stop worrying about my alabaster baby getting a heat rash every time we step outside.  Life is good!

October 04, 2014

Co Crib Sleeping/WTF?

In the last 6 months I've come across numerous chat boards, blog posts, Facebook groups, etc. with people saying that when their child becomes truly inconsolable and refuses to sleep, they either rock them to sleep, put the child in their bed, or get in the crib with the child.
Now I'm not here to take aim at this attachment style of parenting.  I sure don't do it.  Hell, I cannot imagine a worse sleep than having a baby in my bed.  I lasted 3 weeks sleeping in the nursery with my child before I decided mama needed her overhead fan and way more space than a twin bed could offer.
My real issue here is with the people who can fit in the crib with their babies.  Who are these people?  How do they fit in a crib in the first place?  Much less with a sad baby.
I bet it's the type of tiny little bitches who shop in the petite section and lose all their baby weight in two weeks. 
If I tried to get in the crib with Jack, first I'd probably just fail in initial execution and fall over the railing before I even made it in.  Then, if I made it in, I would likely suffocate the poor child with my sheer mass.  I do no understand this method of soothing. 
Perhaps I'm misunderstanding it?  Regardless, I will not be attempting it.  I don't have the money to buy a new crib which would surely buckle underneath my weight.  Nor the effort to stay awake long enough to make sure I didn't smother my child.
Are lots of you moms out there doing this? 

October 02, 2014

So I married a white man

Does anyone else feel like they are constantly telling there husband to "Quit leaving your trident around the house!"
Note to self, clean the crap out of back door this weekend.

Or is it just me?
It's awkward when you have to explain it to him too.  You know, that's it's a "stab hazard".  The picture above was taken a week after I found it laying horizontal on a table in the garage.  Just waiting for some innocent person's stomach or baby's head to walk into it.