February 26, 2010

Fun Fact

By adding a few dried cranberries or sundried tomatoes to a salad, you give it color. Then you can say "That's a beautiful salad."

That was, you seem more sophisticated to the salad, and the salad appears more exciting to you.
It's a win-win!

Pimp Your Garage

Times are tough, but we all still want to keep up with the Joneses right?

Well here's a solution that will agree with your budget and your ego!!


Go ahead and let your neighbors think that you have an army tanker in your garage. Or that you're harboring a giant alligator!

It's all in good fun. Danke Germany, for another great invention.

Sports are emotionally taxing

I know it's not very divalike behavior, but I love Julius Peppers and I used to love Panthers football.


It has just been brought to my attention that Julius Peppers, the light of my Sundays for the last 7 years, will likely not be returning to the Panthers next season.

Look at that smile people! How can he not make you feel like it's all going to be ok?!

Because Julius Peppers > Carolina Panthers, I am going to root for his new team. That will probably involve a lot of research and learning of names, so lets just hope that I don't get overwhelmed and have to retire as a fair-weather sports fan for good!

In other sports news, I, arguably the most un-athletic person in the world, appear to have a sports injury. What kind of karmic b.s. is this!

Image via http://cache1.asset-cache.net/xc/82979542.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=77BFBA49EF8789215ABF3343C02EA54886CB7DA54C9B723B8A90753385AD6DCCFD157D58C555C5F6E30A760B0D811297

Homeschooling - 1, Humanity - 0


Watch this!

Come on guys! You can do it!!

I just realized I haven't sat down since I went to a spinning class yesterday evening, because when I sat at my seat at work...GOOD MORNING!

P.S. What is it about University tour guides and Exercise class instructors that drives me so crazy? It's like they have some sort of crazy mutated gene that makes them 90% happier than everyone else, and 100% more annoying.

Either way, my butt's sore.


That stands for I Don't Get It.
There are 2 things pervading the Internet that I really don't like.

1) Blerg?!

What is that? Is that like a dramatic "blah"? Are you too good for the traditional blah!?

2) Nom nom nom nom!?

I read a lot of health blogs and people write this all the time. I gather that this means you're pretend-eating something and you like it. If you really sounded like that when you ate, no one would ever want to go out to dinner with you.

And also T.G.I.F.!!! (Stands for This girl is Freaking (glad it's Friday))

If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

If the Olympics interrupts Biggest Loser for more than 2 weeks, and no one is there to film the contestants, do they stop losing weight!?

Quote of the Day

"Psst...I'm Enjoying Your Blouse Today"

February 25, 2010

Love is in the air, I just don't know where

Do any of you love birds out there have any good recommendations for a honeymoon location?

I'm trying to brainstorm locales, and there are almost too many options! Poor pitiful me!

I know I want to go somewhere warm and safe, with lots of activities and affordable seafood. I also hate dressing up and don't really care for laying out in the sun. Aaand, I'm terrified of sharks so I would require a pool in addition to the ocean.

So, besides Key Largo, do any of you have some suggestions??

It's fun to think of warm places when it's snowing outside. Won't you join me friends?! Help a sista out!


I'm still confused about all this snow...does this happen every year and I've just blocked it out of my memory?

Or is this as wierd to anyone else as it is to me?

I don't mean to be a total diva about it (yes I do), but if I'd wanted to live in a snowy place, I would've moved to Minnesota.

Mother Nature, you's a crazy beotch. But I still love you.

Quote of the Day


February 24, 2010

Prim and Proper

I was asked to be an alumni host for an etiquette dinner last night. T'was quite interesting.

The meal was pretty good, really not the best I've ever had. But the price was delicious...FREE!!

I guess you really can't put a price on the sort of expertise that I have. At the end of the evening I calculated that I probably adhere to 3% of the rules we were taught.

Some of it was just plain ridiculous. At one point the instructor said, when at a business lunch or dinner, never discuss politics, sex, or religion, and never drink or eat too much.

I lived in DC for a few years and, well, those rules just don't really fly when it comes to politicians and expense accounts.

Any who, the freshman student at my table maid me feel like Queen Elizabeth. At one point he was breaking up his roll and putting it all up in his dainty little tomato bisque. And at another, he was actually using his finger to put his food on his fork. I know he was left handed, but come on!

All in all, the evening was a success. I taught the students at my table about appropriate dinner topics like "What do you think of my hair?" and "Does this outfit make me look fat?" Just general stuff like that.

It's really an honor and a privilege to teach the youth of America how to eat like a diva! Bon appetite!

Quote of the Day

"Hi. Sorry I'm late. My underwire kept setting of the metal detector."

February 23, 2010

Feliz Cumpeanos to Me!

My Birthday is on Monday and I am currently accepting the following gifts:

1) http://www.amazon.com/Jersey-Shore-UNCENSORED-Amazon-com-Exclusive/dp/B00359F6P2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1266962816&sr=8-1

2) Cash

3) Personal checks

4) Gift cards to diva stores (i.e., places that sell clothes, shoes, jewelry, makeup, massages, facials, etc...you get the idea)

100% DIVAS!!! 75% off sale!!!

Kate Spade is having a slightly devastating sale!

It's awesome because they never have sales and this is a really good one!

It's slightly devastating because I still can't really afford any of it and now I'm left with a feeling of emptiness that didn't even exist before I knew about the sale :(

Either way, it's only for a few days, so COME AND GET IT!!

Free Download - Mariah style

The diva-tipline has been abuzz with totally true rumors that Mariah has a free download on iTunes for her horrendous new video for "Up Out My Face".

The video, like the song, is reminiscent of demonic robots and dolls.

Nonetheless, it's free. And in this economy you almost can't say no to free stuff. (For instance, I just did the Atkins Diet for 3 hours because I received a free sample breakfast bar in the mail.)

Here's the video (also for free) from the Internet. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5i7GEMQC2IY&feature=related

Enjoy...the sound of silence that ensues after this video is over.

Me thinks the reign of Mariah is coming to an end. I haven't really been feelin her jams since after 2005's epic hit, "We Belong Together."

You heard it here first people!

Put another failure on the barbie!

In the land down under, divas are hatin' are on the artist formerly known as Whitney Houston.

"The star was seen coughing frequently, and paused as she was about to hit the epic high note of her signature tune "I Will Always Love You" to towel herself down and take a sip of water."

But as the above review indicates, when your sweating problem is interfering with your ability to perform, it might be time to hang up that sweaty sweaty towel and start resting the vocal chords indefinitely.

Your name is not Susan. You are not every woman. And you are not good anymore.
Perhaps it's time to think about a future in needle pointing and being a mom. Something that involves a little less perspiration.

Quote of the Day

""Like I always say to Celine Dion... why the long face?"

February 22, 2010

Tyra Banks is the Devil (continued)

If you do decide to try out for the fiercely real model competition, make sure to become familiar with these tips from Tyra.


Basically, don't be a no-neck monster, don't pose like a hoochie, but DO shave your face and when it doubt, DO "model through it".

Conveniently, these are also the basic pillars of a good relationship, career, and successful life.

Tyra Banks is the Devil

A) Why are girls sizes 12 to 20 more "real" than anyone else?

I don't wear one of those sizes but I appear to still exist and I at least think I'm real?!

B) To qualify, you also have to be between 5'9" and 6'1" and be between the ages of 13 and 19.

I'm no statistician or health professional, but I did a few BMI calculations (http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/) and this basically means that you have to be a young person whose health is at risk due to your weight.
To register go here, where you will find pointless photos of Tyra herself littering the signup page: http://tyrashow.warnerbros.com/fun/teenmodelsearch/registration.php

Giddy Up Getups


Let me start by saying that if I never see anyone figure skate or "ice dance" ever again, it will be too soon.
Secondly, let me highlight the real star in this Olympic competition - FASHION!

Click this link to check out some of this year's best getups.

This proves my theory that no matter how talented you are, it's really the flesh colored body suit that will make or break you.

Disturbing video of the week

This says a lot about life...and about cat massaging.

Quote of the Day

"Honey, thinking is more damaging than the sun!"

February 18, 2010

Freedom of Phlegm

I have butterflies in my stomach because I just saw the dreamboat that is Larry Flynt.

Honestly, he could have been talking about fuzzy white bunnies, and he still would've been gross. He sounds like he has been storing a ball of phlegm in his throat since he got shot in the 1970s.

Picture this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-fyOHqajrM , but with a microphone close up and the sound a lugi storage locker in his throat.

But, alas, the words he spoke weren't as gross as the sound of his voice.

He was actually very funny, witty, and apparently, sleepy. There were a few times when I really thought he had fallen asleep.

Much to my dismay, the most controversial thing that happened was some little punk being escorted by the police because he didn't phrase his question in the form of a question.

Either way, it was cool to see. Long live the First Amendment. And here's hoping I have ugly kids so that they could never be involved in this garbage!


I lost a follower! Is my content that bad? Holla atcha girl if you got some good ideas. I don't want to lose any more power in my follower numbers.


Yes, this is happening

It's the Jersey Shore sound board!!!!!!!

I should switch to Wordpress so I can actually post the body instead of just the links to amazing stuff like this. But for now, just trust me and click this if you love Jersey Shore and you love yourself!

Frample Update

Frample = Free Sample

The devastating part about free samples is that they make you crave something you didn't know you wanted, and they are ususally so small they leave you wanting more.

Needless to say, my lunch is gone, my framples are in a better place, and I'm left jonzing for some more chocolate.

Heavy sigh

Reading is fundamental, and fattening

Let me start this post off by naming my 4 greatest passions in life, in no particular order:

1) Family
2) Friends
3) Fiance
4) Free Samples

Moving on...I need to get out of the office more often because excitement always ensues when I'm out and about.

I just went to go rent a library book, which by the way, is not as easy as it looks.

When I left, I approached a man who was passing out free water bottles. Naturally, I accepted (duh, it's free!).

As I was waiting in line at the Subway counter on campus, where I also racked up 3 free packets of crackers, I opened the water bottle. Lo and behold, it contained a free mini Snickers and a free mini KitKat!!!

So to recap, I am now back at my desk, digesting 6 free crackers, eating my favorite Subway salad, and staring at the mini desserts I get to have later. :)

Some girls really do have it all!

I am going to go out to lunch everyday from now on. If you think about it, with all the free stuff I got, it's really more economical.

You can never be too prepared

Hey there all you dog loving, God fearing shoppers. The crazy store just opened, and have I got a new product for you!

For just $10 per month, you can protect up to 3 pets from the Rapture (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapture), by leaving them in the arms of some do-gooder heathens. How convenient!!

The best part is that you can cancel your involvement with the program at any time through Paypal. Just the way that God and the disciples intended.

My favorite aspect of this website is the casual way in which they talk about the hypothetical return of Jesus.

What if the Rapture does not occur while my pet is alive?
"It is certainly possible the Rapture will not occur any time soon."
Ya don't say?! But in the meantime, the only thing more important than protecting yourself against the end of the world, is protecting your $10 investment.

Isn't the world going to be totally collapsed after the Rapture?
"When all the Christians on the planet disappear, there will certainly be massive devastation." Eh, NBD, right?

In all seriousness though, the next Rapture is supposed to be on May 21, 2011, so you might want to sign up before the non-Christians all make vacation plans.

Quote of the Day

"I love tea. It's so proper."

February 17, 2010

Undercover D Bag

I might be the only one who's been watching "Undercover Boss" on CBS, and I'm totally ok with that. It's actually a really interesting show.

But I am not ok with other people not seeing the following episode that follows the CEO of Hooters:


If nothing else, at least check out the scum of the Earth manager starting around the 17 minute mark.

While I do respect a boss that freely says "I'll see you in 2 shakes of a lambskin," and "BAM" after every other sentence, this guy is a Grade A SCUMBAG.

False: "Spinning a tray is rule number one of being a restaurant manager."

False: Subjecting your employees to a baked bead eating contest to see who gets to leave work is humane and legal in a developed country.

Surpringsly this loser doesn't even get fired. Still, give it a watch.

Image via http://www.prlog.org/10057773-world-famous-hooters-girls.jpg

Quote of the Day

"That's your laugh? It sounds like a squirrel orgy."

February 16, 2010

Daily Mariah!!

Apparently a lot of trees have to die for Mariah to feel good about herself.

"Nick Cannon believes he is romantic because he sends wife Mariah Carey a love letter every day."

It sounds to me like maybe someone is trying too hard! :-0

Quote of the Day

"You know, honey, normally my motto is "drugs, not hugs.""

February 15, 2010

Because putting on pajamas is hard...

If you are like the millions of Americans who find it extremely challenging to put on regular pants in the morning, and then an entirely new set of pajama pants at night, then you simply MUST watch this ad.

Why should you have to suffer through 2 whole outfit changes in 1 single day?

Get the pant that you can get dirty all day during regular activities, and then permeate your sheets with residual dirt and debris at night!

THE PAJAMA JEANS!...Because putting on pants is tough y'all!

Image via http://www.birminghammom.com/pajama%20jeans.jpg

February 13, 2010


I have always had this theory that dry cleaning is just for peace of mind, and that they actually just take your money, hold on to your clothes for a few days, and then put them in a plastic bag so that you believe they got clean.

Well, after over an hour at the Aveda Institute, I am pretty sure that I just got my hair dry-cleaned.

All I wanted was a lil' trim. And the male student with a bright red jerrry curl spent over an hour combing and lifting up my hair, but apparently never cutting it.

I heard a few snips here and there, but when I looked around the ground to see if I was going crazy, there were no little dirty blond inch long hairs!

Luckily the hair-did only cost me $16 and an hour of my life that I will never, ever get back. But I think next time I'm going to pony up the $40 to get an actual haircut.

February 12, 2010


That's the name of the ab class I went to last night.

I should've known when I went to a class with the word "blistering" in the description that it wasn't going to be too fun!

Sure, I may have abs of steel now. But don't you dare tell me a joke today. Laughter is not the best medicine when it hurts to move.

P.S. How CUTE is this workout outfit! That high cut is so flattering.


I just walked past a really "lifted" truck on the way to work. It had a giant decal on the back windshield that said "Lift Up. Fat girls can't jump!"

This fool must really like being alone, because not only has he weeded out any "fat girls", he's probably also shut himself off to any woman who cares at all about her fellow woman-kind.

If I thought I would've been high enough for him to see, I would've given him the what for. (http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/give_someone_what_for). It's the diva version of flipping someone off ;)

Image via http://www.autosavant.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/lifted-ford-truck-007.jpg

Quote of the Day

"I can't look and listen at the same time! I'm not some robot from the future."

February 11, 2010

Deep thoughts by Mamacita

I love tupperware containers. They are like mini-aquariums for your food.

Did you know...

that when making hot chocolate, by adding 3 large ice cubes to the mixture right after adding instant hot water, the hot chocolate is instantly drinkable!!!

Bottoms up fellow winter haters!

Quote of the Day

"Oh honey.. I have a fake laugh with your name written all over it."

February 10, 2010

"Taylor Swift is a Feminist's Nightmare"

http://www.autostraddle.com/why-taylor-swift-offends-little-monsters-feminists-and-weirdos-31525/ (image from this article).

If it's too much to read, at least scroll to "Taylor Swift is a Feminist's Nightmare".

While I do like Taylor Swift, the guy brings up some very good points!
"If Swift’s work connects with teenage girls, it does so on the most simplistic, reductive territory of all: pining for boys, walking in the rain, kissing in the rain, crying drops of tears on her guitar, driving in trucks with cool boys, wanting boys she can’t have, more rain, more letter-writing, more stalking, more broken hearts, breathing problems as a side-effect of broken hearts, fairytale princess this, white horse that, more pining at the window, more psuedo-stalking, more incomplete hearts yearning for your touch, and one song that misinterprets Shakespeare and The Scarlet Letter so criminally I’m certain she’s never read either."

Bow Chicka Wow Wow

Wow, this just OOZES sex appeal. http://www.pajamagram.com/hoodie-footie-snuggle-suit-for-women.html

I can't decide if a guy would be more disappointed about how un-sexy this Hoodie-Footie Snuggle Suit is, or about the fact that his girlfriend spent $99.95 to look like an overgrown baby.

I'm no relationship expert or hopeless romantic, but I would have to strongly advise against this purchase.

If you can't think of anything better to get your lover for Valentine's Day, just claim you forgot. Trust me, that would be less likely to start a fight.

Image via http://www.pajamagram.com/hoodie-footie-snuggle-suit-for-women.html

Get it while it's hot!

Kashi currently has a really good free sample option: http://www.kashi.com/healthier_year/sample/select

They don't usually last that long so sign up for a free sample today!

Does anyone have any gum?

On my recent trip to Florida I stopped by your typical overpriced little shoe boutique with my sister and mom.

Upon seeing a shoe even less attractive than the eye sores above, for the bargain price of approximately $120, my mom asked what was up with all of the plastic shoes.

"They actually aren't plastic. They are recycled plastic...AND they are infused with a tooty fruity bubblegum flavor, soo yum!", replied the sales associate.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Something about mixing foot odor with a cheap bubblegum flavor seems wrong to me. That's like not taking a shower for a few days and just putting on lots of perfume. You're not really fooling anyone.

And I'm all for helping the environment, but I choose to do so by buying recycled paper towels and using reusable grocery bags. I draw the line at trying to bring back the Jelly.

February 09, 2010

Quote of the Day

"As Aretha said to Gloria, Celine, Shania, and Mariah during Divas Live... "Are you trippin'? No one interrupts the Queen of Soul, bitch. MMkay?""

So Tempting

Have any of y'all tried this Jello mousse stuff?

I've been wanting to try it but it's always sold out at the grocery store!

If any of you have tried it, let me know if it's worth it to keep searching. I think it looks pretty good!

Btw, this is not a rhetorical question. Please comment!! ;)

Image via http://www.mommyniri.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Dark-Choc-Decad-6P.jpg

Cookie Monster

It's that time of the year again!

To locate the Girl Scout Cookie booth nearest you, go to this website: http://www.abcsmartcookies.com/boothLocator.asp?cid=173

It looks like this week/weekend is the best time to buy! Booths are back!

What's your favorite flavor of Girl Scout Cookie?

I think my faves are the Peanut Butter Patties. But I also love Thin Mints and Caramel deLites.

Image via http://svmomblog.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/01/14/girl_scout_cookies.jpg

One the Wings of Love

Ooooh "The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love". My favorite little drama queen.

First, and quickly, I can't believe Ali left because she was going to lose her job. If you really came to the show "to find love", don't you think you would work out those logistics beforehand? Stupid.

Second, and way more important, was Jake's visit to Gia's family in New York.

Gia's dad had a very handsome ponytail that reminded me of a shetland pony.

Gia's brother had a seriously gelled blow out that looked like Sonic the Hedgehog.

But what really struck me was Gia's date, Jake! Did anyone else catch a glimpse of the puka shell necklace he was wearing in one of his "confessionals"?!?!

No, no Jakey poo. Puka shell necklaces are for Abercrombie models and pre-pubescent teenage boys.