August 31, 2010

Frample Time!

Who wants a free sample from Kashi??!!

Also, click here to see how you can "trade in" a snack for a Kashi product.

I found this quite entertaining, as they suggest swapping your salami for a granola bar. Who knew they were interchangeable. And who eats salami as a snack!?

I attempted to sign up for all 3 using several aliases. Let's see if they figure me out before the framps ship out!

Peace, love, and free stuff

August 30, 2010

Yes ma'am? No sir!

Today I passed out a lot of tshirts to some of the new students at the University where I work.

2 semi-devastating things happen.

1) Someone called me ma'am :( I'm only 26!! Perhaps I should start a new moisturizing regime!

2) 99% of the girls asked for Small tshirts. I literally had to fight back the urge everytime I passed one out to say, "Enjoy it while it last you lucky little freshman!" But, alas, I didn't think my supervisors would think too highly of that.

Despite these instances, I had so much fun being out of the office that I signed up to do it tomorrow and the next day.

Hopefully I will see lots more interesting people watching and no one will think I'm an old lady.

Pizza for Breakfast

Even though I really hate flying, because I'm a wuss, there is one thing about air travel that I really love - The total disregard for normal eating times and behavior.

On a recent flight that required me to be at the airport around 6am, my heart just melted upon seeing several of today's youth noshing on a piece of pizza before the sun had even risen.

There's something so liberating about staring oatmeal in the face and laughing as you purchase your first meal of the day from the nearest Sbarro.

I know that personally, on the way back from our international honeymoon, I had about 6 lunches.

I know that's not good or normal, but the flight attendants were passing out sandwiches almost every time zone we traversed. And who am I to deny free food?! That's just rude!

I just want to say, "Thank you, airports, for making impossible food dreams come true, for only 150% more than they would cost outside the confines of your walls."

P.S. Wtf is this "crosscheck" that flight attendants are always preparing for on flights?? And how are they not already ready for it after all these years?

August 26, 2010

Shop for less, for a cause

This is a really good deal divas.

I've used this discount before and saved like $90 on a bunch of cute stuff.

Plus, part of your purchase goes to charity.

August 26-29, go get your shop on at Gap, Old Navy, Banana Republic, Athleta, and/or Gap Outlets and receive 30% off of EVERYTHING.

Go stock up on the Gap Basics, the Banana work pieces, the Old Navy whatevers!

I wouldn't tell you no lie. This discount is for real, for real.

Happy Shopping!

August 25, 2010

DMV - Stands for Hell on Earth

I would rather be water boarded than hang out at the DMV.

And here are a few reasons why:

1) I got to the DMV today 30 minutes before they even open, and I was the 8th person there. By the time they opened their doors 10 minutes late at 8:10am, there were over 40 people in line.

2) It's a sad place. The first person in line, who was also getting her name changed after marriage, had obviously been there since 7am in the morning. She was immediately told by the front desk that photocopies of marriage certificates are not excepted, only the original. Commence bursting into tears.

3) It is the clearest possible display for the stupidity of the general public. While I do feel sorry for crying girl above, READ THE DIRECTIONS ON THE INTERNET, idiot. It clearly says original certified copy of marriage license.

4) The employee who assisted me spent at least 5 minutes making jokes I did not understand about how I must have health problems, why else would I have gotten married? Ha. Ha. Shut up. I figure if he does that for every single person he helps, and let's just guess that at his rate it is about 30 people per day (which is a stretch), that's 150 minutes of time wasted. AKA, 2 and a half hours of his working day.

I can tell you from personal experience, after having waited over 6 hours the last time I went to this DMV, this is 2 and a half hours of my life that I want back. I am quite sure that the other mixing bowl of applicants would feel the same.

At no place should you have to wait so long that you can finish an entire book in the Twilight series.

At no place should you have to wait so long that people clap for you when your name is finally called.

One thing I've learned from all of this tedious name changing stuff is that if the man were responsible for changing his name, there would be a lot more hyphenated baby names in the world.

August 24, 2010

If you can't beat 'em, join ' freshman parties

You know how I know school is back in session at UNC?

Because there are approximately one billion kids on campus cutting off my path and taking up the exercise machines that I so luxuriously had almost to myself all summer.

It brings back horrifying flashbacks of this and even this old gem.

God, please give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, like having a college campus with no students.

August 23, 2010

Sugar Mama

Technically, after almost 3 months of marriage, this week constitutes the first week that my husband and I have actually permanently lived in the same place as a married couple.

I thought we would stay in our craptastic lovely little rental house together last night and offically start our married lives together.

Not so.

He stayed in some random old strangers' house where he is dog sitting.

And while this could be kind of odd and annoying to some people, I have to say I'm kind of glad he has a job!

One thing I have never mentioned on DSW is that in addition to being an avid tv watcher, diva lover, food/wine binger, and all around model American, I'm also a sugar mama to my grad school attending husband.

He's going to be doing this for about 2 weeks, so I'm thinking that finally after that things will become newlywed normal. But who knows. Apparently, there are a shockingly abundant amount of obstacles that can prevent us from ever living together!

Here we go again...

It looks like Mariah is allegedly pregnant again.

I hope she really is this time, because I sooo do not have the patience to go through this rumor mill again.
If she's not pregnant, she's certainly been eating well!

August 20, 2010

Well, son of bee sting

Joe and Katherine Jackson are getting a divorce!

The only thing I understand less than how a black person (MJ) can have totally white kids, is how people can be married for 60 years (!!!!) and then finally decide, "Eh, I think I'ma move on."

Why wait 60 years? Why not do it when the kids are young and, more importantly, when your a-hole husband starts hitting them with belts.

Or even 20 years, after your children have left for college. Or, in this case, music tours and plastic surgeons.

I want to say I wish these two crazy kids the best in their future endeavors. But the truth is, I really don't. They creep me out.

I just hope that Blanket, Prince, and Paris have the smarts to stay out of the limelight, and to change their names the minute they are legally able.

City Style

If you are a metropolitan diva and you live near a Saks Fifth Avenue, check this out!

You can get an entire free Fekkai Advanced styling product on August 26.

Sadly, there is no Saks in my humble town in NC, but I will be purchasing some $1.50 Suave styling gel on that same day, just in honor of the event.

Random Acts of Diva

On my walk to work today, something really beautiful happened.

I was about to pass by a totally unsuspecting Asian gentleman, when he looked my dead in the eyes, and burst into song.

I didn't recognize the song (the lyrics were something like "Let the voice that's deep inside of you..." then he was out of hearing range), but I do know that it was in the same key as "All at Once" by the formerly amazing Whitney Houston. And that, according to my research, is they key of Bb.

I hope this fine young man has a great day today, because thanks to him, I know I sure will!

August 19, 2010

Chomp chomp

In case you're curious...

The new Stride flavor, called Mega Mystery, tastes just like Fruit Strip gum from back in the day!

Yikes, Zikes, Fruit Striped Gum!

Stop having a boring tuna, Stop having a boring life.

You simply must check out this list of the 25 worst/best infomercials.

I couldn't really decide on a favorite to highlight, but I am leaning toward Cami Secret, because it kindly allows you to be a professional by day, and whore by night.

I also really like the Doc Bottoms Aspray, because, let's be honest, no one likes beastly butt odor.

Everybody's Working for the Weekend

Questieanu Reeves people.

Does anyone know how much people who work at Victoria's Secret get paid?

Last night I was there cashing in my voucher for a free pair of rouched cotton hiphuggers that I received in the mail (because apparently even VS knows I'm poor and a sucker for anything free).

When I was "checking out" (didn't spend a dime), I heard the 2 cashiers bitching about how it was going to rain and they hated driving home in the rain.

While the one on the left with the standard VS assymetrical haircut said she had to drive about 30 minutes from home, eyeliner mcgee on the right said she commutes an HOUR!

I was stunned. I mean, surely there are places in her hometown that pay the same hourly wage right? Or does VS really pay people enough to make that commute worth it. I would think that you'd eat up at least half of your daily pay on gas alone!

If any of you out there are former Victoria's Secret employees, and this is some sort of untapped gold mine of a job, holla atcha girl. Because I also don't make any money, but at least I can walk to work!

*Random, random sidenote: The longest I've ever driven to a job was when I worked in DC and had to drive to Greenbelt, MD. Without going into a lot of detail, it was a temporary stint at a collection agency. And, omg, if I'd started this blog while I was at that job, I swear to god I'd be famous.

It was the most ridiculous place ever. Highlights include 1) Me eating lunch in my car everyday because people made fun of me for eating salads (it was a large group of women, and I don't mean a lot of them),

2) A lady randomly having a full fledged seizure and then just going back to her desk and working

3) A girl named Candy (yep, Candy) getting tandem frog tattoos with her mom, because "my mom is just cool like that."

Good times, I'm sooo glad I got that college degree.

August 18, 2010

Social Dough

I'm a little concerned.

I sent in my (very personal) information to the Social Security office to change my name almost a month ago. And even though they said it would only take about a week, I've heard nothing back.

Panera Bread Co., however, was able to get it right within 24 hours on my new "My Panera" card.*

Social Security office, if you're out there, try to remember the old federal commandment, "Thou shalt not be outdone by a local bread franchise."

Manly I'm just hoping that no one intercepted my documents, stole my identity, and is now living a parallel, totally uninteresting life as Mamacita in Mexico City or some other sketchy location.

*If you don't have a My Panera card and you go to Panera with any frequency, you should get one immediately. I have only made 2 purchases on it and already have received a free smoothie!

August 17, 2010

Bow Wow Miss Thang

One of my favorite things in the world is really overly specific things.

For instance, planning your Friday night and specifically not wanting to watch any movies directed by Ron Howard or with a cameo by his brother.

Or, wanting to be curled up on the couch, eating Indian food, while watching a marathon of Three's Company on a medium volume with the thermostat set to 68 degrees under a plush blanket.

So naturally, I was immediately attracted to this album cover from this Huffting Post article.


Because what self-respecting K-9 Queen wants to listen to Hip Hop or dogs for cats?!

Quote of the Day

"Excuse me, mink trumps felt!"

August 16, 2010

Intl Diva Sightings

Here are a few of the diva-inspired international sightings I stumbled upon.

Sporty diva in Prague - and apparently in flight?

I don't like what you say, so shut up.

Don't be fooled by the rotten yellow tape, divas pee to the right.

Back to life, back to reality...television!

Guess who's back in the mother diva house!?

Faithful readers, if you're still out there - I'm back to fuel your minds with deep celebrity thoughts and preach the gospel of diva.

While I tend to the giant stack of papers on my desk and get re-used to having chronic back pains from sitting all day, I will, first and foremost, be at your service with all random thoughts both domestic and international.

Peace, Love, and Divas!