September 29, 2013

Ice Cream Sundays - Peanut Butter Jam Session

I'm not sure what I was expecting, because this flavor is clearly called Peanut Butter Jam Session, but I was really surprised when it tasted like Peanut Butter and Jelly for some reason.
I guess I thought it was going to taste like Peanut Butter and Rock and Roll.  Not sure what that would be like, but I was intrigued.
That being said, it was really tasty, but I prefer my Peanut Butter and Jelly in the authentic form - on white bread so it can stick to the roof of your mouth and give you a fun, temporary lisp.
This one just made me confused.  Fun to try, but won't go in regular rotation.

Flavors Tried - 45

Favorite Flavors  - Rockin' Blondies

September 27, 2013

Ghetto Jewels and Edible Gold

When I was in Houston last weekend my sister took me to this most ghetto-fabulous "jewelry store".  I think it was called Accessory Warehouse.  It was like the Taj Mahal of cheap jewelry.  And it was amazing.  I got 5 pieces of J.Crew looking jewelry for $35 TOTAL!
They also had important necklace messages like this:
I think there was another one with something like "I'll Cut a Bitch" on it.  But I didn't spring for that one either. 
Even though the place smelled like a combination of cigarettes and child labor, we decided that even if the jewelry disintegrated before we even got to our cars it was still a better deal than jewelry from C. Wonder of J. Crew.
Speaking of that trip, did you know that Delta still serves snacks on the plane?!?!  I was blown away when I was offered my choice of complimentary pretzels, peanuts, or cookies.  I also think the disgruntled flight attendant was blown away when my answer was "Yes."  I was hoping to get all 3 but had to settle for just the savory delights.  2 is better than 1 though!  Especially if you are a ravenous prisoner to the air.
I got the Biscoff cookies on my second flight, which reminded me of this Biscoff Cookie Spread, which I immediately bought more of at World Market, which remains the best thing ever.  Get some today!

September 25, 2013

Ginger Oh Snap

When I asked my doctor a couple of months ago what natural suggestions there are to curb morning sickness, he recommended "anything ginger".  I love Ginger Ale so that was a no brainer.  I've been enjoying that stuff for months.
One day after work, however, when I was feeling particularly bad (it's true that it is NOT just in the mornings), I went to the grocery store across the street from my office to try some Ginger Snaps.
My house is about 20 minutes away from my office/the grocery store.  I'm sure you can see where this is going...
I told myself I was going to just eat one serving to see if it helped me feel better.  It was right before dinner, after all.
Well that will power lasted all of 60 seconds, or 400 yards out of the grocery store parking lot, whichever came faster.
I ended up eating almost the whole bag on my way home.  And the part that I didn't eat ended up in my cup holder, my seat, and my crotch, because the entire bag ripped in half not long after my departure.  It was one of the scarier food episodes I've ever had, with myself.
Just the tip of the crumbly iceberg.
Needless to say, the Ginger Snaps did not make me feel better.  In fact they made me feel much, much worse.  I couldn't eat dinner that night I felt so sick and ashamed and diabetic.  G'Snaps will definitely go on the list of things I will never, ever eat again.  Along with Diet Mountain Dew.  But that's a whole different story.
Long story short, Ginger Snaps will only make you feel better if you eat a few, not an entire bag.  I assume, I've never done anything in moderation.  I'm an all or nothing kind of beast.

September 24, 2013

Epic Celeb Sighting

On Sunday I saw a Teen Mom in the Atlanta Airport.  And I don't mean just any teen mom.  I mean a real Teen Mom.
Maci Bookout.  With no "e" y'all, because it's extra classy.
If I could describe the excitement in one word it would be..."non".
No one was staring at her, no one was asking for her autograph, no one even appeared to recognize her except for me, the 29 year old white girl who clearly needs to upgrade her tastes in Television.
It turns out if you want that perfectly manageable level of fame in which you get paid for doing nothing but aren't harassed or recognized too much in public, you just need to get knocked up by a raging douche when you are 16 and get on a reality show!
And yes, she was TINY in real life.  Like maybe 90 lbs.  Her hair was also a multitude of colors, but mostly that purple/red combination she's been rocking recently that occurs exactly zero times in nature.

September 23, 2013

Nice Hood Ornament

Can you tell what it is?
That's an onion folks.  An onion on a windshield.

Post-It's Aren't Expensive

This Post-It note has been at my doctor's office for the entire time I've been going there, almost a year.  So presumably it's been there for years before that as well.  It looks rather aged.
I really, really don't understand.  You are a doctor.  Can you not simply pony up for the new Post-It note and 4 pieces of Scotch tape?
I loved the doctor to pieces.  But my God man!  Spring for a new note.  This doesn't just reflect terrible spelling.  It is indicative of some sort of frugality previously unknown in the Aryan race.
Times have never been that tough.

September 18, 2013

The Mindy Project - The Project of My Life

My name is Marilyn and I'm obsessed with the Mindy Project.  And half-priced fajitas.
Tuesday is officially the new weekend.  For me at least.  Since I can't drink on the weekends, it's all about food and entertainment now.
That makes Tuesday the Ferrari of all the days of the week now.
Allow me to explain.  It's simply really.  It's called the Mindy Project and it is officially my favorite show of all time.  It's cute.  It's clever.  It's absolutely hilarious.  The characters don't take 16 seasons to make out, and they aren't all 30 year old super models pretending to be 16.  And it makes me giggle.  Basically it's everything I could ever ask for in a show.
And I'm just going to go on record as saying that Mindy and Casey are the best couple in all of TV history.  Forget Carol and Mike Brady.  Poo poo on Miss Scarlett  and Rhett Butler.  Mindy and Casey are where it's at.  "I thought this was going to be a fling, based on your body type alone."  Those are the romantic words of our generation, people.
Sometimes I find my face hurting after the 30+/- minutes of hilarity because I've been smiling the entire time.  Not just because it's funny.  It also warms the soul.  And I say 30+/- minutes because sometimes I spontaneously pause it here and there just to make it last longer.  It gets me that much closer to the next Tuesday.
And as far as the food goes, Grant and I have been eating half-priced fajitas at my favorite restaurant of all time every Tuesday for a couple of months now.  Without me taking Bud Light drafts to the dome, our entire meal is just $13 each week.  We eat at 6pm to avoid the crowds and the food is perfect 100% of the time. 
Something about having a guaranteed Mexican feast every Tuesday just makes the weeks so much more glorious.  You've already gotten through Monday.  You get a dank meal on Tuesday plus the obvious delight of watching the Mindy Project.  Next thing you know it's hump day and that stupid camel is making you laugh.  Then it's Thursday, which is basically just Friday wearing a marginally more productive coat.  Then bam!  It's Friday, you have already mentally checked out, and your weekend is well on its way.  Who knew a simple half priced meal could change your life like that?!
This goes down in our relationship history as the best tradition we've ever created.  Topping even the one-time tradition of going to Hooters on Christmas Day.
Who needs weekends!?  I've got Tuesdays, y'all!

September 17, 2013

Homeless to Howard

Do you ever watch the Ellen show at the gym or in any public venue and have to fight back tears during the segments when she highlights people in need and/or that have overcome obstacles then gives them a bunch of money in partnership with J.C. Penny?
Well, I do.  Pretty much every single time I get the rare opportunity to be at the gym at the 4 o'clock hour.  Yesterday it was this story that damn near brought me to tears.  Instead I managed to stop at a quivering chin and sniffling nose.  Phew!  That was close.
Simply put:

Homeless to Howard

"My name is James.

I am a member of the incoming freshman class at Howard University, planning to major in physics. My family and I were homeless for several years, and I look forward to creating a better life for all of us. "
I don't know how much money they have raised to date, but the story is amazing.  This young man met a mentor at the mission where he lived and, in a nutshell, she changed his life.  She crated this tumblr page to raise money for him to go to college.  Not only did they raise enough to make that dream come true, he also just got $25,000 from Ellen/J.C. Penny + a $10,000 J.C. Penny gift card to buy some sharp threads for his freshman year.
I just thought I'd share this touching story today to show that there is good in the world.  And to let you know that if you cry at the gym to the Ellen show, you are not alone.

September 16, 2013

Sassy Pants

This plate hails from the great state of Texas, where I'm going to visit my sissy this weekend!
Tell us what you really think, Miss Thang! 
That's actually exactly how I feel about Mondays, so I'm going to have to agree with this plate today.

September 13, 2013

Things I'm Hating Friday

A lot of bloggers do these "Thing I'm Loving Friday" post.  So in that same vein, although a much more negative vein, I'm going to do my first "Things I'm Hating Friday".
Not because I like to be negative.  Just because I recently discovered 2 things that are so horrific that I had to let the world know.
First up is the "Bethenny" show that just premiered on NBC.  If I could describe this show in one word it would be: Unwatchable.
While I respect her as a business woman and a self-made multi-millionaire, I do not respect her as a self-obsessed beotch, which I totally believe she is (and have since April of 2011 - see here).
I watched, or rather, attempted to watch two episodes of the Bethenny show and it was uncomfortable to say the least.  She is awkward, trying to hard, and quite frankly, she dances funny.
She talks ad nauseum about relating to her audience.  That's what it's allll about.  But here's the problem.  How can an audience of normal looking woman of average socio-economic status relate to a 90 pound multi-millionaire whose pair of shoes cost more than most people make in 3 months?  Answer: They can't.  And bringing unknown comedians and male strippers into the mix isn't going to help that fact.  If I was a betting woman, I'd say your days at the 3 o'clock slot are numbered.
The last one is quick.  It's just the worst pedicure place I've ever gone to in my entire life:
As you can see from the link above, all the reviews are terrible.  I gave mine a scathing review.  They didn't rub my legs at all which is 100% the reason I get pedicures.  They literally made me bleed from scrubbing my foot so hard, and I still have a cut on my heel from it.  I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of terrified it's going to become infected.  I've been loading it up with Hydrogen Peroxide twice or thrice daily and neosporining the crap out of it, but it's still there almost a week water.
Pedicure gods have mercy on my heel!  I do not need gangrene in my life right now!
*Editors Note: Do not EVER Google image "bad pedicure".  I will never recover from those results.
If  you are in Charleston, do NOT be tempted by the fact that there is a TCBY right next door that you can bring into the salon.  It is not worth it.  This place is wretched!
Ok, now on to more positive things.  Like the fact that it's almost the weekend!!!!!!

September 11, 2013

Things I would Never Try

I saw this last night at Walgreens when I was shopping for Hydrogen Peroxide (more on that later).  I was fairly astounded.  The Drive Medical Suction Cup Grab Bar.
Absolutely everything that I have ever tried to suction to my shower tiles has come off unexpectedly.  But it never really mattered that much because it was always just supporting a loofah or some such bath ritual nonsense.
This looks like it's intended to support your whole body.  I'm not going to say how much I weigh on the World Wide Web, but I can tell you this: If my previous shower accessories couldn't hold a half-ounce loofah, I'll be damned if I'm putting all this girth onto a grab bar, with the only possible cushion to catch my fall being a porcelain tub. 
Diva Says Owwwwwie.
"No holes, screws or tools required"...What are qualities I do NOT what I want in things that support my full body weight?!

September 09, 2013

Amazing Discoveries: Alouette - Italian Herbs

I recently loaded up on some spreadable cheeses at Harris Teeter during a snack attack.  And I came upon a cheese discovery that will be in permanent rotation from here on out:

These is the most flavorful little packet of cheese that isn't that expensive!  It only has 40 calories, is easily spreadable, and provides enough shmear for at least 5-8 crackers.  I like that ratio!

Simply Fresh Milk and Cream...and Herbs.  What more could you want from a decadent cheese and cracker snack!?  You'll feel like you're at a fancy party.  But with the added bonus of not having to make small talk with strangers.
They are particularly awesome when paired with these most amazing crackers of all time:

Thank you Milton's for making the most texture-rich, fresh and crispy little cracker on the market.  I am already excited to get home for afternoon snack time with friends family myself!
These probably aren't presentable enough to serve at a party.  I mean, who wants to unwrap a bunch of packets of cheese and serve them to guests?  But thy are more than presentable enough for a party of 1.  Perhaps with a crisp glass of white wine!?

September 04, 2013


Remember many moons ago when I tried to put the kibosh on this saying?  Check it out here.
Well it looks like it's still going strong in Wisconsin.
Now I kind of like it. 
You really wonder about the people who put personalized things like this on their license plates.  Are they joking?  Or does this person just want him to be him and you to be you SO terribly bad, that he feels the need to emblazon it on his ride?
Either way, I love the passion!  Here's to a 2014 phrase comeback!

September 01, 2013

Ice Cream Sundays - Rockin' Blondies

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Thank goodness for Target and their Exclusive Flavors.  Otherwise I'd be stuck between a rock and a less-fat place due to lack of new flavors.  Nobody wants that.
This flavor rocked my socks off.  Pun highly intended.
The Buttery Brown Sugar Ice Cream is so sweet and warm it just melts in your mouth.  Then as it's melting you get a crunchy little taste of Butterscotch Toffee.  Which is just plain fun.
And the, when you think your taste buds couldn't reach a higher level of elation - BLONDE BROWNIES in yo face.
As far as surprises go, this was the best August had to offer.  They were so chewy!  So tasty!  And so abundant!  I couldn't believe how lucky I was to be part of that pint.
New favorite flavor!  Good thing I don't have the patience to go to Target very often.  It's probably best that this is just out of reach on my weekly grocery shopping trip.

Flavors Tried - 44

Favorite Flavors  - Rockin' Blondies