June 30, 2011
That's the same Chris Hansen that catches old pervs tricking little girls on the Internet into meeting them for sexual encounters on the disgustingly addicting show "To Catch a Predator".
This is ironic, not because it's the same as bringing condoms and a 6-pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade to an innocent little girl, but because it's another clueless man getting caught being a douche on a hidden camera.
What is going on with my life?
I actually loved the workout because it was
I followed that up with a jaunt to the Farmer's Market and an epic baking session - pictures forthcoming for the winner of the major giveaway from many months ago...the winner, being a true diva, deferred the prize until he moved into his new house.
Being an old lady rules! Free time is the most amazing gift on Earth. Tomorrow I'm going to get my moles checked! I am really living the
senior citizen dream :)
June 29, 2011
Enjoy this great summer reading..with your beer at the beach!
This just in from Mariah, via this article: 'This is baby Monroe saying 'no pictures dahhhhling' at 7+1/2 weeks. Oh dear.'
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time so that I can stay young forever. Now that Mariah Carey has kids I want to turn time forward so that I can see how wretchedly, fabulously divalicious they are when they grow up.
Can you even imagine? I am sure genetically they will be presdisposed to be 99% more ridiculous than other kids. But the fact that Mariah and Nick are interpreting simple hand movements as diva proclamations like "no pictures dahhhhhling" means for sure that they will be almost unspeakably diva.
It's a good thing there are two of them because I don't see them getting a lot of invitations to normal kids' Birthday parties with their list of baby RIDERS. They are going to need each other!
June 28, 2011
June 27, 2011
Good Morning and Happy Monday!
June 26, 2011
It's been exactly 8 working days since I've had a job. I thought for sure I'd be bored after day 2. But that is hardly the case!
June 23, 2011
June 22, 2011
She didn't know what it meant when she dropped from the sky in a sparkling wedding dress during her latest concert series?
And she didn't know what it meant to be a woman when she taped her entire episode of MTV Cribs from a bubble bath while drinking champagne?
And you are sure she didn't know what it meant when she made a music video in which she was a barbie doll version of her own self?
If Mariah really just now knows what it means to be a woman, O.M.G. I bet her hormones are out of control! Mariah becoming more womanly is like Lou Ferrigno becoming more muscular (i.e., does not need to happen!).
June 21, 2011
June 20, 2011
I was moving the next day and I rarely ever get massages, so the odds were definitely in my favor for eternal anonymity with this woman. The comfort that brought was wonderful.
That also made me
June 16, 2011
June 15, 2011
I finally feel like I’m starting my real life once I move. Something about being married now and my husband finally not being in school and having bi-monthly keg parties…Real Life!
Which is ironic because so far this real life consists of me moving in with Mommy and Daddy at their vacation home and putting all of my earthly possessions in a climate controlled box.
Oh well, baby steps.
I just need to get a job and a place to live and I’ll be set! Oh wait, that’s like everything.
I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I hope with all of my heart that I can do something that doesn’t involve sitting at a desk. Because all the funniness happens while you’re talking to people and moving around! Not doing data entry in a corner, sharing an office with a crazy lady that reads emails to herself OUTLOUD.
T-minus 5 hours until I’m free at last!
June 14, 2011
Well I just looked up the lyrics (here) and, indeed, I did hear it.
It’s just a little problem I have with this lyric:
She’s a five when she drinks/But she’s a ten when she’s on top of me
That’s just terrible. That basically means that Enrique is admittedly hooking up with a sloppy drunk girl who isn’t even a 6!
Have some standards Enri-ri. Go for the well-behaved 9’s instead of the alcoholic 5’s. Because I assure you, if she’s a 5 when she drinks and a 10 when she’s on top of you, she’s going to be a -2 that next morning when you wake up and her mascara has run all down her face and she has dragon breath.
My favorite line is, "Coco wears full make-up and acrylic heels as she lifts weights in her private gym." And why the hell not, I say!
June 13, 2011
I ended up needing a kick of testosterone after the failed Tony viewing, so I watched the NBA finals. While I didn’t really care who won, I cried anyway at the players’ happiness.
I also got really excited when Bill Russell presented the trophy because he and I go way back. He was in a joint business with my dad and he stayed at our house one time.
My dad told me that he definitely did NOT sign autographs, so I wasn’t supposed to ask him. He did not, however, forbid me from selling Bill something from my homemade store in our playroom, Hearts of Fire.
I wrote up the receipt for whatever candy or soda I guilted him into buying and tried to get him to sign it. But he said he’d just pay with change and didn’t need the receipt :(
Project Get-Bill Russell’s-Autograph was foiled, but at least I can say I shared a bathroom with an NBA legend. That’s one of the perks of being the youngest and being forced to share an adjoining bathroom with the guest room.
June 10, 2011
Mariah Carey Launching More Fragrances Named After Her Songs, according to this article.
I started looking up names of Mariah’s past songs to think of some funny possibilities of future fragrances.
That’s when I learned that her whole fragrance line is called Lollipop Bling. It looks like I couldn’t offend her fragrance line even if I wanted to, because she already thought of the most ridiculous name possible for the whole shebang.
But actual Mariah songs I found that would be funny fragrance names include:
*Touch My Body
*Did I do That?
*H.A.T.E.U. (according to Mariah, this stands for Having A Typical Emotional Upset…I die.)
*Up Out My Face
June 08, 2011
If only it were this simple....Meet the Fat Whisperer here - "The A-list weightloss guru 'persuades' fat cells to leave the body.
According to this article, "The weight loss guru – who has achieved cult status in West Hollywood where she is based – uses power of persuasion to encourage fat cells to leave the body."
That is the dumbest damn thing I've ever heard. Anyone who has spent more than zero US dollars on this "guru" needs a nice, sharp slap in the face.
You should really read the article to read all of the absurdity, but here's a fun little quote that I liked:
‘I command you to get out!’, she is said to whisper to the fat cells in an effort to banish them.
June 07, 2011
She was suspended 3 times by the school and still refused to take out the nose ring. Apparently her reason for why she should be allowed to break the rules with the rose ring is because she is part of the Church of Body Modification.
That is a real thing. Check out their website here at your own risk.
I do not understand how this is a “Church” in any way and not just a congregation of tattoo and piercing addicts, but they have a website and won the lawsuit regarding the nose-ring girl, so I guess it’s for real.
Other really redeeming qualities about the Church, besides the fact that they get surgeries to split their tongues in half and make their ears into little horns, is the fact that they accept Corporate Sponsorships. Just way God and the disciples intended.