October 30, 2009

Who's Bad

I found another awesome t-shirt 'must have'. Represent.



To all my divas in the Big Apple, you're welcome. I have decided what you're going to do for Halloween.

Forget Christmas and New Years Eve. What the hell, forget the rest of 2010 also. I'm going to spend all my money on the $3600 Triple Diamond Package so I can watch the happy couple sip champagne and stand there.
Happy Halloween divas!

There's Something There

I was listening to my showtunes today and it occurred to me about “Beauty and the Beast”: In a story that teaches that it’s ok to be different, to not judge a book by its cover, etc., how lucky and convenient is it that the hideous beast costar has a stunning, beautiful singing voice?

When you think about it, what’s being held against your will by a beastly captor in the woods when you can make a two part harmony this like? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ysRm_C56UM&feature=related

Seriously, look at this guy. I’m surprised a posture like his can support a quiet whisper, much less a crystal clear alto. I guess it’s true. Sometimes, instead of lemons, life throws you an unlikely duet partner. Ain’t love grand!?

Ooooh My Gah

And all that jazz!

I'm sure yall have all seen the "Keep Calm and Carry On" posters. So calming and inspiring and that jazz.

Yesterday I saw a modified version on a t-shirt that I found much more interesting.

Forgive Me Mariah, for I have Sinned

Somehow, in all my years of supporting and obsessing over Mariah, I never really gave much thought to what race/ethnicity she was. I am just that noble.

But today, as any day, I was thumbing through google news searching for Mariah, and this is just staring me in the face: http://www.irishcentral.com/ent/Mariah-Carey-talks-about-her-struggle-with-being-Irish-and-black-66899537.html

Apparently my girl is half black, half Irish. Who would've thunk it!
Not surprisingly, "Mariah chooses to identify herself as just Mariah first and foremost."

Diva Says WHAT?!

Commandment #2: Thou Shall Pay Bills

That's right. It's gettin to be that time of the month. Since I'm going to miss yall on Sunday (divas don't blog on the weekends), I wanted to remind you to pay those Bills, Bills, Bills.

Quote of the weekend

"Love you, Love everything about you, Thinking about being you for Halloween!!!"

October 29, 2009

Very Necessary

Many of you already know this, but I just want to remind everyone how important it is to have your nails painted if you type a lot at your job. Something about having that extra coat of paint on your nails really gives you the extra sass and motivation to make it through the workday with style and flare. Plus it gives you something fun to look at all day while your hands are cramping up from excessive typing.

I just painted my nails yesterday and I can already see my productivity at work increasing dramatically. I eased into with two coats of a nice sheer pink. But come December 1st OPI Lincoln Park After Dark is very necessary.

The beauty of this is that you can do it yourself! Just buy a fun looking bottle of Revlon quick-dry, slap that on your digits, and BAM, job satisfaction just went up 30%. Your nails and your boss will thank me!

Involuntary exercise: What it means and how it can harm you

The elevator in my office building has been out all week. Thus, with an office on the 4th floor, I have to walk up 3-4 flights of steps at least once a day. I can assure you that I would never voluntarily walk 4 flights of steps on any given day. So here we have an example of involuntary exercise.

Now the dangers of involuntary exercise. If I walk up 4 flights of steps, say, twice in one day. Technically I have sort of exercised, right? Add to that the fact that I walk a mile to and from work everyday. Two miles and eight flights of steps. Some might call that a workout. At least, some that do everything in their power to rationalize not working out.

Danger! See what just happened? I have burned no more than 20 calories with the aforementioned “exercise”, but I have convinced myself that I have worked out for the day. Now if this isn’t considered being injured on the job I don’t know what is. I’ve a mind to take some workers comp and buy myself a few sessions with a trainer.

My advice in any elevator outage, get someone to carry you up the stairs and don’t descend them again until work is over. Immediately after that, get your butt to the gym, because honey child, you got 4 days of bogus rationale to make up for!

Tyra Banks is the Devil

To answer this columnist's question, it never became ok. I'm sure Tyra would like to tell you modeling isn't about race, so why is she making these models "biracial". Aren't they good enough as they are?

Why you frontin Tyra? Ooooh that's right, you're "cutting edge". I plum forgot.

Diva Says WHAT!?!?

Commandment #13: If Thou Can Wait, Then Thou Shall Stay

I have no earthly idea what this means in regards to Destiny's Child and/or relationships, but I know that it's Thursday! So that means you only have to wait one more day until the freakin weekend. Herego, thou shall stay?!!?

I don't know about that, or about DC gettin all Old English on my ass, but Happy Thursday everyone. Keep it real.

Random clips that I love

Mood Ring

I just want to set the tone of today but saying that this post finds Mamacita very forlorn. Her beloved Glee did not come on last night. It was replaced by, out of all things, BASEBALL. The only things I hate more than baseball are empty carbs and racial injustice.

Everyone knows America's favorite pastimes are singing and dancing. If I wanted to see a bunch of grown@$$ men throwing around a ball to the tune of $20 million a player, I'd watch "Major League". At least that movie has a little bit of romance and a strategically diverse bunch of misfits in which hilarity ensues.

Quote of the Day

"I guess in a lot of ways I'm kind of like a younger, much more beautiful version of Leona Helmsley. First, you marry for money, and then, you find yourself loving the old coot. Then he drops dead, and you get the money anyway. It's a win-win."

October 28, 2009

Family Affair

This video is hilar. Check out white chocolate circa the :40 mark gettin her groooove on!

This makes me want to go to the Ellen show even more. If that's possible.

I don't get it

Can someone please explain to me what the deal is with this shirt? Where did the joke come from? I seriously have no idea and hate not to be in the know.

Also, why did people who viewed this item also view a Gallon of Whole Milk to purchase on amazon.com? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

Best Shirt Ever

Cheerio, ol chap

Why do all British singers besides Lilly Allen sing with American accents? Even the greats like the Beatles, Sir Elton John, Leona Lewis, Oasis, the Spice Girls, and the Rolling Stones ALL sing with American accents.

I just don't get it. Most people would rather have British accents than American. Take Madonna, for instance. She talks with a British accent because she knows better. I think Sir Paul McCartney and the gang should take a tip from the faux British queen of pop herself and embrace their roots. I know I have y'all.

This is rubbish, you wankers!

The Sound of Silence

For those of you who loathe the sound of silence whenst trying to sleep as much as I do, I've got the thing for you.

I just bought this puppy yesterday from Wal-Mart and I was jamming out to "Waterfall" all night. Slept like a baby!

It's pretty sleek and has great volume control, unlike the titanic that I used to have. Go to Wal-Mart and say you were recommended by Mamacita. You won't get a discount, but you will look really, really stupid.

Quote of the Day

"If you want people to like you - you have to buy them things!"

October 27, 2009


I just started watching the Biggest Loser tonight and saw a really heartbreaking bio: http://www.nbc.com/the-biggest-loser/contestants/current_cast/abby/

I think I'm going to stop over using the word devastation from now on, because this is truly devastating. I hope Abby and the rest of the gang are able to turn their lives around because it's sooo extreme. From the numbers, to the emotions, to the drill sargeants, to the extreme obesity, this show is an emotional roller coaster...that lasts for 2 hours every Tuesday.

Tune in if you need an emotional release! This $h*t is deep!

It's gonna happen

At what age does it become mandatory to wear sweaters like this, and to have a haircut like this?

I understand that you might want shorter, more manageable hair as you get older so that your cats don't rip out your up-do. But I just see NO excuse for the excessive woven debris on such sweaters.

I would say as a general rule of thumb, your clothes should NOT be 3-dimensional. Stick with that rule and you should be safe during the holidays.

Diva in the near future

I'm going to a wine tasting this Friday for absolutely no reason. For a Halloween treat, it's going to be a blind tasting! I've never been to a wine tasting before but I think I might start doing it on the reg because it helps me accomplish many, many things:

1) Festive diva
2) Spontaneous diva
3) Well-cultured diva
4) Early-evening buzz diva
5) Gives herself something to look forward to diva
6) Good deal diva (only $15)

Stupid Lyrics of Songs that I Love

"I still wake up every morning quarter to ten.
I still eat my cereal right at the kitchen table"

-Jesse McCartney, "It's Over"

Ummm, I would totally, willingly have my heart broken if it meant I could sleep in until 9:45 AND eat carbs for breakfast everyday. Lucky teeny-bopper.

Public Service Announcement

It makes me mad when really skinny people wear bangle bracelets all the way up their arms, past their elbow. We get it, you're skinny. You don't have to bruise your elbow bone just to rub it in.

The actual definition of a bangle implies that "they are worn in groups so that arm movement causes them to make a pleasant sound". How's it supposed to make a pleasant sound squeezed all the way up to your bicep?
Pull that bangle down a notch, and let it jingle jangle. If you really want a tight fit, you should probably switch to a slap bracelet.

Daily Mariah

You gotta love Ike Turner. “Sure, I’ve slapped Tina… There have been times when I punched her to the ground without thinking. But I have never beat her.” Yeah that makes perfect sense.
Too bad Ike's not around to spread his joy to the world anymore.

Quote of the Day

"Oh honey, I would, but... I don't want to."

Ground control to major tom

Check out these furry little five-headed monsters! Pretty cool stuff I think. http://oddanimals.com/deformedanimals.html

Apparently it's not that uncommon to have two heads?!

October 26, 2009

Blast From the Past


This performance is awesome and the hair (!!!!)...OH THE HAIR! I'm going to call this the transitional-white trash diva-frontal frizz-sitcheeAshun. Love it!

You show me yours, I'll show you mine

If I were president of the Internet I would make a law that says you have to post at least 5 pictures of yourself at least once a week, or else be banned from Facebook . I can't stand it when people don’t have recent pictures.

Without pictures how am I supposed to know what you look like, if your boy/girlfriend is cute, and if I should be jealous of you or not?!?!? It's just not possible!

When it comes to posting pictures of yourself, more is best. But when it comes to naming those picture albums after the rap song du jour, less is definitely more. Do the former and cease the latter!

Honorary Male Diva

I know I bashed his new single last week, but that was last week. This week Adam Lambert is the Honorary Male Diva. Encompassing many of the requirements to be an honorary male diva, Adam Lambert is known for frequently wearing "guyliner", nail polish, high heels, and glitter. Check plus! Also, he sometimes dresses in drag according to pictures of his past so that's another big plus on the Miva report card.

Now let's just hope that the rest of his debut album are of superior quality to that joke he just released about Miracles, and that he screams his way to #1 on the charts.

"Adam Lambert is an equal opportunist: 'I am gay, but I like kissing women sometimes'"

Total lack of sense in terms of sexual preference = major points on the Honorary Male Diva scale

You can thank me later

Pickles are destroying my life.

Diva Says WHAT?!?!

Commandment #4: Thou Shall Not Bug

I don't care what you buggin, who, you buggin me! It's Monday divas and nobody needs to be getting their bug on. Just relax, have a cup o' joe, and relish the fact that you are now 20 minutes closer to Friday.

Quote of the Day

"Are you done? Wait a minute let me rephrase that. You're done!"

Funny thing I heard on campus

Student on phone: "I just found out that there's a test in the class the day after my Birthday so I just went ahead and declared it pass/fail."

I would kill to know what in the world this girl was planning on doing for her Birthday. Geez.

October 22, 2009

Daytime Divas

"Oprah chose a fetching cossack ensemble by Dmitri of Jeffbeckistan. Both women wore shoes."


"I use Proactive," says Diddy in the ad, because it helps "moisturize my situation and preserve my sexy."
I did not alter this quotation in any way, btw.


This diva is soooo not feelin work today. Thank goodness I took tomorrow off. I just couldn't make it another day. It's that serious.


I fell back in love with Glee last night so hard. It had singing, dancing, magic, and love was in the air.

My favorite quotes of the show: "I came by special to show you my zoot suit." and "I can’t be caged in, Sue. That’s why I got my tiger tattoo."

The highlights def had to be the Thong Song dance number by Mr. Shu and the breathtaking Zoot Suit worn by Sue Sylvester. Below are some audio clips and a dance number.
It's official, Glee is the happiest hour on television!

Diva says WHAT?!?!

Commandment #1: Thou Shall Not Hate.
Put down the Haterade and love your fellow diva. We're all we've got in this world.
Unless of course you're lucky enough to have lots of clothes, handbags, money, metabolism, and men. Then you can probably afford to hate just a little bit.

Yum with a side of diva

It is sooo diva of Williams Sonoma to have their own oven in each store. Don't get me wrong, I too love Pottery Barn and Crate & Barrell. But unless they start serving me warm pumpkin-spiced tarts with a side of hot apple cider, I’ma be in the aisles and Williams Sonoma suckas.

Random Act of Diva

I don't have a Fall Break since I am an employee, but all the students in my city do, so I'm taking tomorrow off as my own little Fall Break. I will not let these college students upstage their elders!!

Precious/Daily Mariah


This movie looks soooo emo (emotional, not hipster). I can't wait to see it but I know I'm gonna cry because I always cry in movies and this looks like a tear jerker. I think the real breakout star might be Mariah, she doesn't seem as awful in the preview as she has in previous attempts to act. However, honey should stick to the tube dresses because that Jones New York suit jacket just isn't working on her.


Last night I was playing trivia at a bar and one of the opposing team's name was "I'm so glad they found balloon boy. I was afraid Michael Jackson was ordering takeout from heaven"

That's just good stuff.

Quote of the day

"I'm a lady...assface!"

October 21, 2009

Diva Says WHAT?!?!

In no particular order, I will dole out the ever-important 15 Commandments...according to Destiny's Child. That's right, these are real commandments included on their 1999 hit album, The Writing's on the Wall.

Commandment #6: "Thou Shall Not Think You Got It Like That"
Um, okie dokie. I'll do my best.


"The album formally introduces Knowles' alter-ego Sasha Fierce"
I realized I have been neglecting a very important diva in my blog. I think I like her as a person, but I know I LOVE her as an artist. Expect more of Ms. Fierce in the future. And please feel free to suggest any alter egos that I could claim for myself. Since I wasn't a debutante I really want to make my formal societal debut as this new person.

Random Clip That I Love

I, too, dance so much because it makes me happy.


I got beef

with some of the outfits ladies be wearin on the streets. As such, I want to share a very important fact that I have picked up over the last 25 years: IT IS NOT HARD TO PUT ON PANTS. Really any pants; short pants; long pants; Capri pants; plaid pants. However, Pajama pants are just NOT ok.

I actually saw a girl a minute ago wearing actual bedroom slippers. Of course she was wearing sweatpants too, but that’s beside the point. It is 1PM on a Wednesday people! I get that you may be in college, you may be doing the walk of shame, you may be hungover, or you may just be suuuper laid back. Still, pants…not hard!

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not the most fashionable person in the world. But I can assure you, I put on actual, tailored pants, and actual shoes with soles on them every single solitary day.

Obvi skirts and dresses are accepted and encouraged, just, please, do not wear your pajamas out in public. By doing so you offend even the most fashion-challenged of divas, and isn’t their life hard enough already?!? Seriously