April 27, 2017

Poor little underwear

Kids are the best/worst.  Sometimes it just does not seem like this can be real life.

I am probably just delirious from the worst night's sleep ever, but I cannot stop laughing right now and it's all because of poop.

Jack woke up around 2am last night (Oh, joy!) complaining of a stomach ache.  I wasn't surprised because he hadn't pooped all day.  I know he tried at school but quite frankly his tiny little butt is too small to fit on the toilet seat and I think he's afraid he will fall in.  Any way,  he wouldn't go back to sleep after several tries so we let/made him get in the bed to sleep with us/on my head.  It was already a super pleasant situation but it got even better around 4am when we heard a wet noise and Grant started freaking out.  I didn't really care because I was so tired and I am so  used to poop in the potty, in the diaper, in the yard, that I just wanted to sleep through it. 

Amazingly, Jack didn't wake up.  That is why I can't stop laughing. How can anyone sleep through their own shart that is not a drunk frat guy!?  Of course when we woke up this morning there was hell to pay in terms of laundry and butt crust.  But I will forever remain amazed at this event.

I had a similarly delirious laughing fit/is this real laugh event recently when we were headed back from Hickory.  Our kids are notoriously heinous in the car and we were so desperate towards the end of the journey that I told Grant to give Katie the ice scraper to play with.  He decided to take it a step further and use the ice scraper as a hand puppet.  You know, the old favorite muppet Mr. Ice Scraper.  What has become of us?

Did anyone else wake up one day in their 30's and think they were looking at a poor old dead person in the mirror?  I did and I am officially aging. 

You know how they say the eyes are the windows to the soul?  Well, my eyes look like our windows did that time Grant was weed eating and caused some sort of yard debris to fly into our window and shatter it into a million pieces.  Botox, I'm  coming for ya.

Also, I think my kids have made a secret agreement that they can never both be sweet at the same time.  At any given time one of them will be an angel baby and the other is biting me and screaming at me that something is "NOT DELICIOUS!" 

Katie regenerates more spunk every 30 minutes so she is hilarious but also quite an independent lady with an attitude.  Jack is potty trained with is officially the crowning achievement of my life, but he did shart in his underwear last night so I'm not writing my own book about it just yet.

So that's what's new with me.   Sharts, crows feet, and disbelief at my own life.  Yesterday I meant to grab a sparkling water from the fridge and accidentally got a Bud Light instead.  It hard to convince myself not to be that mom at the park with coldie.

And in case anyone was wondering why I never blog anymore, it's because I haven't had free time since before Katie was born and even to write this I am letting my kids eat markers and draw on themselves so I can have a minute of peace.  Sometimes you have to do what you have to do!