I still can't decide if outfits like this make me relieved or absolutely devastated that I'm not having a girl. Not that Grant would allow them anyway if we were having a girl. Until he went on vacation and she got to wear the world's most ridiculous graphic t's and full sentence apparel.
Please also notice the galactic pants hanging net to this most wonderful shirt. I'm assuming they are a pair.
This won't make you laugh, but it will end the argument you are having with your husband about whether or not your car seat is installed properly. Because, despite a certain someone's casual attitude, this sort of thing matters. Like, A LOT!
I went last week to get my car seat installation inspected at the fire station. I felt like a tool bag going there because it seems like an over cautious thing to do. But it did in fact end an argument I was having with my husband and put my mind at ease as to the safety of my future child. So feeling like a giant nerd bomber was a small price to pay.
BTW - Having the seat in the middle is the safest. And taking off any unnecessary accessories like a mirror or head rest reduce the risk of things that can fly in your baby's face in the event of a car accident. So they basically unpimped Jack's car seat, but all in the name of safety.
Bonus: The fire men were actually cute and hunky! Not the pudgy, mustached old men that usually drive around in fire trucks dispelling your dreams of sexy men in high heat and hard hats. They also could not have been nicer or more helpful.
I already can't wait to go back to get my forward facing car seat inspected when Jack gets older. So many car seats, so much money to Babies R Us. What a freaking racket!
Because I refuse to spend $300 putting my baby on a chinchilla rug and having his photo taken right after I quit my job, this is totally going to be me/Jack.
Poor, poor little lad. He won't know his mom is a low-budget bitch until he realizes all the other kids at school have things like smash cakes and smocked outfits. And he just...doesn't.
Recently I went to a party and had a pretty revealing encounter with two separate individuals.
One came up to me unprovoked (never seen her before in my life), and told me that parenthood was a total emotional roller coaster...and that she hadn't slept in two months, felt like a zombie, and had never worn so much concealer under her eyes in her life. She had a 9 week old.
I guess my plump stomach serves as an "Advice Wanted" sign so I don't have to wear an actual one. But the girl was cute and it was a really nice encounter. And a tiny bit scary.
Then as I was leaving the party, I got more advice from a man outside who also saw my invisible sign and told me, "Having a baby is the best thing ever. It's so much fun! I have a 9 week old and it's just great." His take on being a parent was drastically less dramatic.
My womanly instincts told me this might be the laid back baby daddy to that exhausted woman inside. I asked if by any chance he had a 9 week old. He said yes. I told him I just talked to his wife who said she was exhausted and hadn't slept in 2 months.
His response, "Well, sure, she does 90% of the parenting duties. But it's really fun for me!"
Their markedly different states of parenthood and its effects did not go unnoticed.
I have a feeling this is only the beginning of a lot of perceived parenting injustices in my future. If you do the crime you have to do the time. And if you have the boobs in free time and sleep you lose! (Patent pending on that expression).
I'm sure the fact that I have a dog I'm obsessed with and a baby about to be born makes this extra cute to me, but how can you watch this and just not die of preciousness?!
I hope Rosie turns in to the ultimate protector for our baby. And not an ultimate diva bitch who can't share the spotlight.
"There’s just one thing that Baby Bangs! can’t resolve: “We do not recommend leaving baby bangs … on any child while sleeping,” the company FAQ reads. The second your baby closes her eyes, she reverts back to bald man. Night night, ugly baby."
Just when you thought Pinterest made you look bad for not having the time and creativity to homemake your baby's food or make a milk necklace out of your own breast milk (no, really - Milk Necklace)...
According to Star Magazine and this website, "Star Magazine reports that the singer, and 'American Idol' judge Mariah Carey uses $1900 La Mer cream on her twins' - Monroe and Moroccan - bottoms. The magazine also says that she uses bottled water for their bubble baths."
This really puts the pressure on other moms out there to step up their ass cream regimen! Oh wait...No, no it doesn't. This just really puts pressure on Mariah Carey to out-ridiculous herself in the next story about her hygiene antics.
I cannot wait to see this beautiful woman become a mother. I bet she will do it with grace, with poise, and with little to no weight gain. Seriously, how does she maintain that weight?! I can't even imagine the discipline that must take. I myself am always just like 1 peanut M&M away from busting my pants button off.
If the palace is publicly confirming the news, than she must be at least 3 months pregnant with nary a sign of a baby bump. I just couldn't be more thrilled to see her blossom into a royal mum!
But for now I just hope she feels better. The poor thing is hospitalizedfor crying out loud! She has Hyperemesis Gravidarum, acute morning sickness. That truly just sounds wretched.
In other baby news, Jessica Simpson is pregnant for the second time, just 7 months on the heels of her first baby's birth. I've heard a lot of people say that she is crazy to want to gain back all the weight she just so famously lost for $4 million. But I'm on Jessica's side. Pop those babies out just as fast as you want. As a mother, you have the rest of your life to get paid millions to lose weight. Oh wait, no. That's just Jess.
I was watching the news Today Show this morning when I saw a brief segment about the Pfizer recall of approximately 1 million birth control packets. Article: here. And by brief I do mean brief, maybe the segment lasted 10 seconds?
That's not a whole lot of time to break it down to a woman that she might be accidentally pregnant. Good morning!
I was actually on the Arc Trainer at the gym when I saw this on TV. It's a good thing I don't take that birth control, because I would have fallen right off of that machine if I'd just heard word, via the 3rd tier morning-news host, that I might be about to have a baby, by accident. And not even my accident! The accident of multi-billion dollar company that's sole purpose is to develop and distribute safe prescription pills.
Not cool, Pfizer. Not cool. I'm pretty sure that's not how family planning is supposed to go. Mazel mazel to the new moms out there!
It kind of scares me when people talk about babies like they are edible:
"I could just eat her up."
"I could just eat you with a spoon."
"I could just him in a little pita pocket and eat him for a snack."
If someone said that about my fictional baby, I probably wouldn't let him/her hold the baby.
And an all-star performance from Paul Abdul (re: David Archuleta):
"David, you are ridiculous. I wanted to squish you, squeeze your head off, and dangle you from my rear-view mirror. You are, no, honest to god, that is one of the most beautiful songs ever written, and one of the most moving performances I’ve ever heard.”
