Gurning

I knew it.  I just knew it!

 

I can be an athlete after all.  My friend just tipped me off to a sport called "Gurning".

 

"And the point of this sport is literally to stick your head through a horse collar and make the most grotesque face imaginable."

 

Done and done.

 

Source

It dates back to 1267 and, in a nutshell, it is the most awesome sport ever.  The British are positively brilliant I tell ya!

Source
 

Who's House?

Uugh that game last night. It pretty much ended in the worst case scenario. Unless, of course, you are Duke. In which case it was the best and most exciting outcome possible.

I hate that we lost on a 3-point shot. I find Duke's style of playing to be very uninteresting when they just continuously make 3 point shots and never really drive the ball.

To me, Duke is not what college basketball should be. I think a basketball team's racial ratio should be like the gender ratio at UNC (which is about 70:30 female to male I think). There should be way more black dudes on a team than white. Even Duke's black guys are white. (Please see RIVERS, the petite white/black man that ruined my evening with his final shot). So it's basically just a bunch of pasty, white, Yankee, 3-point making one-trick ponies. That I do NOT want to mount.

Ok that's all. If you're a Duke fan, don't respond. I am just venting my frustration at an unbelievable game and heartbreaking loss.

The real story of the night was the experience of watching a basketball game that started at 9pm. It turns out, gone are the days of me pre-gaming it during the game and then going out afterwards with my friends, like in college...which was apparently a long time ago?! I enjoyed watching it with my husband last night over some wine, but the whole time I was terrified at how bad I would feel in the morning from staying up so late. What a thrill!

My price points haven't changed. I just went from drinking $7.00 12-packs of Busch Light to $5 bottles of whatever wine is on sale.

But hot damn my curfew has. After drinking excitedly during the whole game, we panicked when only 5 minutes were left, strategizing how much water we could drink before bed without wetting it and how many ibuprofen we could safely take with overdosing.

If I was waiting for that "Aha!" moment to alert me that I'm not that young anymore, that was probably it.

I have been hungover exactly once at my new job and it was terrible. There is nothing worse than people expecting a lot out of you when your brain is functioning at 20%. Especially when that 20% just wants to never stop eating snacks.

Luckily whatever I did worked! I feel fine this morning but my heart still hearts :( I hate losing to Dookies more than I hate politics.

Sporty Spice

You know how I know I need to start my job immediately? Tonight I was so bored I pulled a Sporty Spice and asked my husband to go to the driving range with me.

To be clear, this is about as common as him asking me to go get tandem pedicures together (i.e., has never happened).

I only asked him because if I didn't have an activity to look forward to I was likely going to jump into the waterway with a heavy rhinestone studded oversized purse attached to my leg.

It turned out not to be that bad after all. I even hit about 15 balls before I gave up and went to eat Mexican food. I think I might add this evening activity into my bi-annual repitoire!

I see London, I see Wimbledon...

I've been watching some of the Wimbledon Tournament today, in between unpacking and figuring out my new life.

I have noticed a major problem in the tennis community. I know these players, women in particular, have coaches, trainers, agents, and sponsors...So where is the member of that entourage that lets them know that millions and millions of viewers across the world can see their nipples?

I watched a 2 hour match between two women, whose names I cannot pronounce or remember, and for the entire time I can see the exact outline of both of their nipples. That's 2 hours, 4 nipples, and infinite confusion.

Maybe part of figuring out my new life will involve inventing some sort of sports bra that doesn't expose players' boobs to the entire Universe. Applications for partners currently being excepted. Experience a plus.

Name Drop It Like It's Hot

Last night was decidedly un-diva. I got jazzed about watching the Tony Awards because I usually love any award show…except the Tony’s I now know. I mean this in the least homophobic way possible, but that was the gayest thing I’ve ever seen.

I ended up needing a kick of testosterone after the failed Tony viewing, so I watched the NBA finals. While I didn’t really care who won, I cried anyway at the players’ happiness.

I also got really excited when Bill Russell presented the trophy because he and I go way back. He was in a joint business with my dad and he stayed at our house one time.

My dad told me that he definitely did NOT sign autographs, so I wasn’t supposed to ask him. He did not, however, forbid me from selling Bill something from my homemade store in our playroom, Hearts of Fire.

I wrote up the receipt for whatever candy or soda I guilted him into buying and tried to get him to sign it. But he said he’d just pay with change and didn’t need the receipt :(

Project Get-Bill Russell’s-Autograph was foiled, but at least I can say I shared a bathroom with an NBA legend. That’s one of the perks of being the youngest and being forced to share an adjoining bathroom with the guest room.

Oojaboo and Ninjas Too

This will only be interesting if you care a lot about UNC men’s basketball and even a little about sports in general, but yesterday I saw something pretty cool.

After watching this video yesterday, I started following Dexter Strickland and Kendall Marshall on Twitter. (P.S. If you want to start following me/need more of my pointless thoughts during the day, click here).

As luck would have it, these guys were playing right across the street from my office at the exact time I get off of work!

I walked up to find 4 UNC starters, all over 6 feet tall, playing against 3 girls, 1 Asian dude, and 2 short whities. I literally couldn’t have picked a more humorous lineup.

I watched for about 15 minutes before Leslie McDonald ninja dunked the ball and took the entire goal (rim, net, etc.) with him and they had to move to another location.

It was super cute to see that these 4 College Bballers and future NBA stars are really just precious young college boys!

Diveats - Steak and Twice Baked Potatoes (after a bitter bball loss)

Loser, Party of 2?

Last night after a soul crushing loss for UNC, I made steak and twice-baked potatoes. It was so good I almost forgot that I have nothing to look forward to watching on TV anymore.

Btw, if you are looking for something that is way not fun to make, I highly recommend twice baked potatoes. As you can tell by the second picture of my plate, with the broken potato debris, it is hard-to-impossible to keep that 'tato together.

Best served with a glass of cabernet sauvignon and a side of salty loser tears :(

Aggressive Non-Interest

Here's something I've never done before. Or thought about. Or even considered.

Filling out an NCAA bracket. 'Tis my maiden voyage into the world of caring about sports.


You know how I know I'm going to rock this bracket? Not just because I picked my teams based on names that gave me the best feeling in my heart. But mostly because while writing this post I had to wait until it was an appropriate time in Utah to call my husband to ask what the hell these are even called. Brackets. Brackets!

Bland Bowl

Did anyone else think that this was the most boring Superbowl ever?

I eventually got so bored that I started watching the NBC Nightly News. And if you know me and news, you know that says a lot.

I also thought the halftime show lacked that certain je ne sais quoi.

Ever since Nipplegate back in 2004 the shows just aren't shocking enough.

I was hoping that there would be a surprise cameo by Mariah Carey, and that she would unexpectedly give birth to her twins on live television.

Eh, a girl can dream! Football just isn't my thing!

And am I crazy or did Christina Aguilera omit about 90% of the Star Spangled Banner???!!! How unpatriotic!

Beer for Horses, Coke for my co-eds

Because I work at a University, and have to work on the weekends every now and then, I have a lot of opportunities to observe various tailgating styles.

And there is one that has me absolutely perplexed: THE SOBER TAILGATE.

From what I've gathered in my observations, it merely consists of a group of young co-eds eating Doritos, drinking sodas, and NOT imbibing any alcohol.

I just don't see what the point of this is!? Why bother getting together and sitting outside when you could do all that from the privacy of your own couch?

Honestly, it just makes me sad. I sit there watching them knowing that what I see is the most interesting their day is ever going to get.

I like knowing when I am with a group of people drinking and watching football that Silent Samuel is going to real chatty in a few beers. Or that Unsuspecting Ursula is about to say some really appropriate things. And after one more round of beer pong you just know that Tame Tammy is about to take her top off.

That's just good, old fashioned American fun!

Don't get me wrong, I love Doritos and chatting with friends, but I like it much better when I know that there is at least a strong possibility of bar fights, over-honest conversations, and bad decisions later in the night.

A Football Miracle

I'm so excited! I can actually walk today.

Last week after flag football I woke up with a bruise on my face and was so sore that I had to lift up my legs with my arms to get out of chairs. You can imagine how graceful that was.

Today, after implementing a vigorous routine of stretching and getting subs on the reg, there is no soreness!

Fellow extreme athletic talentless intramural players take note! The NFL has nothing on us now.

Cry Baby

Last night was the first game of the season for the Flag Football team I signed up for.

Although we were losing the entire time, I had fallen twice in my attempts to get an opponent's flag and was feeling very tough and aggressive.

Usually I only feel that way personality-wise. Not physically.

Well anywho, in the last 30 seconds of the game, those feelings were washed away when I ran into the tallest guy on our team face first into some part of his body that was apparently made of bricks.

My first thought was, "Oh crap, we just died."

Then, "Oh no, I'm alive but my brain fell out."

Then after checking for all of my teeth and seeing that the other person was alright, the worst happened.

Tears...swelling up, in front of everyone. MORTIFICATION in da house.

Luckily my face isn't swollen and broken this morning like I had feared, but as I'm typing this I did just have my first bite of my banana, and it does not feel good to chew.

Next week I am going to redeem myself for tearing up by wearing war paint under my eyes and grunting loudly during plays.

There's no crying in flag football!

Someday I'll Fly Away

I think I have discovered the most UN-SEXY sport in the world.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wingsuit_flying

Wingsuit Flying. Where grown men waste money on bird-like suits and convince themselves that they are actually flying.

I know that usually extreme sports and the athletes who do them have a certain allure or sex appeal to them.

I do not believe that that allure exists with wingsuit flying.

Something about an adult male spending time and money on pretending to fly really turns me off. I don't want to go on dates with birds, so why would I want to go on a date with a man pretending to be one?

In fact, I'd rather go on a date with Penguin from the Batman movie than with some grown ass man wearing a damn bird suit.

If you want to see this ridiculousness in action, check out a video here.

Sweat Equity

The only thing that makes walking to work and arriving in a full sweat worth it during the summer, is that I pass the football stadium right as the ripped players have just finished their morning practice and taken their shirts off.

Three cheers for the athletic department!