Too bad for me it hadn’t just already done it.
It hurt my right buttcheek and my pride, but mostly it reminded me of an even worse fall that happened when I was in college. I was at Outback Steakhouse on a date (a classy date, clearly). I went to the bathroom and as I was coming out, I slipped on something and slid across the floor of the bar area until I was almost right underneath a bar stool that someone was sitting on.
It hurt SOOOO bad but was even more embarrassing than painful. I eventually got up, fought back tears, and hobbled back to my table. I had decided I was going to play it cool and not tell my date that I just busted my ass in front of an entire chain restaurant, so I just sat there and resumed eating my Bloomin’ Onion.
All was going well until the manager of the Outback came up to me and asked me if I was alright. Then, not only did I have to explain to my date that I had fallen, badly, I also had to tell the manager the make and model of my flip flops, if I was injured, and whether or not I was going to sue.
Of course I did not want to sue. I really just wanted to stop talking about my epic fall at the local Outback and move on with my life. That was made slightly difficult by the subsequent letters I received from Outback’s lawyers and insurance companies over the next few months, but eventually I got past it.