Valetine's Day Massacre

Happy Valentine's Day. AKA, the most perpetually dissapointing holiday every year, right behind New Year's Eve.

I'm not celebrating this year because I think it's a stupid holiday designed to sell cards, flowers, and chocolates. And to make single people feel alone and hostile toward their married breathren, when every other day of the year they got nothin' but love.

Also, because last year I went all out, made Indian food from scratch, bought a bottle of bubbly, and made pink waffles from scratch. Only to end up alone, eating 4 servings of Chicken Tikka Masala, drinking most of a bott of champagne, and make pink waffles the next morning with a very terrible headache.

This week I'm treating February 14 as what it really is:

-A Tuesday

-Another day in the way of my weekend

-Another day in which I have to plausible reason to eat a box of chocolates.

Btw, did you know that Valentine's day, and more specifically Saint Valentine, had nothing to do with romance or chocolate fondue? It actually stems from the death of two ancient Romans, both named Valentine, who were executed (one even beheaded!) on February 14th for their attempts to convert Emperor Claudius II to Christianity in 3rd Century A.D.

On that note, happy Valentine's Day lovers!

Hands, Touching Sweaty Hands

This is my only thought about the Bachelor last night, besides the constant fact that Courtney makes me scared for my life:

I’m already not a fan of holding hands. Ever. If I was vying for a guy’s love and I was faced with the option of holding his hand while ascending the many steep steps an ancient Mayan temple in Belize, or getting voted off, I’d walk myself right over to the getaway boat and say Adios to Benny Boy on the spot.

If you are one of the sickos that likes holding hands, fine. Keep it casual. But hand holding and recreational sports and/or physical activities just do not equal romance.

Bachelor NonLessons

The more I think about the Bachelor and Bachelorette shows, the more I think they have got be the most unrealistic portrayal of real life love that is legally allowed by the FCC.

First of all, I love that at the end of their 3 month courtship, they start waxing nostalgic about when they first met…remembering when their brand new fiancé “first got out of that limo…” That is so not real life or a long time to date.

My first meeting with my now-husband is more like, “I remember when we both got drunk at a Fraternity cocktail which we were set up on, I played the tambourine with the all-black band, and we both bonded about being closeted drunk-smokers when we ran into each other (whilst hiding from each other) smoking a cig.” That romantic story has nothing to do with limos, that’s for sure.

Also, the bachelor/bachelorettes only date for 3 months before getting engaged. That is just stupid. I dated my husband for 5 years, have been married for 1 year and some change, and I’m still trying to make sure I like him.

Bachelor series, you are giving today’s impressionable youth and emotional young woman a very skewed version of what love is like in real life. It doesn’t involve limousines, the guy that agree to date you don’t really have 6 packs or agree to drink champagne with you, and, worst of all, Chris Harrison almost never shows up.

Love takes time fools. And real people are usually fatter than people on TV.