February 29, 2012

Quarter Life Pedicure

In honor of being a half-assed diva and my upcoming Birthday, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure during my lunch break.

I went in to my usual place, saw there was no line at all (!), and saddled up at the nearest pedicure chair. It was Birthday destiny.

Usually I'm very content to not talk to anyone during my pedicure, especially during the calf and foot massage portion. If you have ever been with me while getting a pedicure, you would know that this is the time I like to close my eyes and roll my head in fits of ecstacy, as a Vietnamese man makes my foot pain go bye bye.

But today my dude was one hell of a chatty Cathy!

We (he) talked about so many fascinating things. Like how he eats so fast he can't enjoy his food and he has developed a sort of stomach condition. Like how he once broke his hand after losing a battle with a front door because "women are crazy". And how he is saving up for a trip to Tokyo - not because he is Japanese, but because he loves sushi. And because his friend went and spent $40,000 in one month to impress the ladies, so he had to also. (I didn't have the heart to tell him there is a sushi restaurant down the street).

Then, because I was out of polite head nods, I told him that tomorrow was my Birthday. And, apparently, he did not know until that exact moment that he was turning 30 this year and that he extremely devastated about it.

For real, as he got progressively more upset about it during the 30 minute treatment, he said things like, "Oh my gosh! The big 3-0! I never thought this would happen to me. I am going to have to take 2 days off of work because I am going to drink myself crazy and because I'm too old to only have one-day hangovers!" Oh and, "I'm so fat now that I'm turning 30! If I eat one bite I gain a pound. Now I'm scared to eat! If I had to eat fattening air I'd just stop breathing." (That last one totally lost me too).

So much for my relaxing pedicure. I ended up spending my salon sesh talking this soon-to-be-3o-year old off a ledge.

Tomorrow I'll just cash in my free Birthday sub at Jersey Mike's at keep to myself.

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