January 16, 2012

Golden Globe Awards 2012

Who saw the Golden Globe Awards last night? It was quite a classy affair. Which I can appreciate, because I’m so fancy.

I don’t know if I had a stand out favorite for “best dressed” but I did love Laura Dern’s green number. I also had some beef with a few actors’ choices.

For starters, I thought Sarah Michelle Gellar looked like about 10 blue ink pens exploded on her otherwise nice white dress. But at least she didn’t go the route of Piper Parebo, who she presented with. Piper intentionally made her boobs look nonexistent by choosing a dress with a mesh metal V down the front that gave the allusion of 2 boobs that kept growing farther and farther apart until they both just fell off of her body entirely.

My worst dressed for the evening was definitely Angelina Jolie. I HATE the combination of colors that she wore. Bright red and institutional white. It reminds of a mail-order Russian bride who shaves off her eyebrows only so that she can color them back in with a very thin, dark pencil. Like her facial expression and personality, this ensemble was simply too severe.

On to the awards…I hate that I don’t care about silent films, but I don’t. I can’t imagine anything more boring. The only thing that could have gotten me excited about The Artist winning the award for best something (I can’t even remember), is if the person accepting the speech went up to the podium and just said absolutely nothing.

Also, I was sad that Julianna Marguiles didn’t win. Not just because I love The Good Wife, but mostly because when she does win she invariably makes some hella cute speech about her husband that makes me cry tears of joy.

Speaking of tears of joy, I cried a little when Octavia Spencer won her award. She is so cute and funny. I saw her on Jimmy Kimmel Live and she was hilarious. You have to love a fellow self-deprecating broad. That’s just good stuff.

Did anyone stay up for the awkwardness that was Sydney Portier? He sounded like Spock from Star Trek and/or a Robot when he was presenting Morgan Freeman with…nothing. For real, he did not give him an award. It reminded me of that time at the MTV Awards when Britney Spears presented Michael Jackson with a Birthday cake, which he somehow accepted as a Lifetime Achievement award. AWKWARD.

Call me crazy, but does the fact that Bradley Cooper doesn’t drink not make him exponentially less attractive to anyone else? I just can’t get on board with that. I can, however, get on board with Brad Pitt announcing the best movie nomination for Ides of March starring George Clooney and Ryan Gossling. That’s a whole lotta hot in one sentence. SCHWING!

I definitely think the most charming actors won. I am, in a word, obsessed with Meryl Streep. My bucket list consists of one thing: Have a glass of wine with Meryl Streep. If that turns into a bottle or two, so be it, but one glass is my goal. She is equal parts charming, talented, hilarious, and beautifully average. Love. Her.

And it just doesn’t get any cuter than George Clooney. It just doesn’t.

Final note: Madonna’s arms look like hairless cankles. They are much too large and rectangular to be compared to regular arms. And I find her so unlikeable for some reason. Anyone else?

*I think there should be national holidays for the Mondays after award shows. Obviously I'm not going to stay up until 11:30 watching much more beautiful people win awards and NOT drink wine. And yes, I know it's MLK day, but I don't even get that off. Living below the Mason-Dixon line is not condusive to racially based holidays off.

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