That was a doozy

Well I basically just got to live out every girl's fantasy: Trying on formal wear 4 weeks post partum.  I have a bad cold and my baby, who I once thought was a miracle baby because she slept for 6 hours straight two times, decided to wake up every 2 hours last night.  So I was in no way physically or emotionally prepared for this shopping experience.

 

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I mean, I knew I wasn't exactly looking slim right now.  But holy hell.  The lighting was not my friend.  I looked like some sort of indistinguishable fat sack in most dresses.  I almost lost all hope when I stumbled upon what can only be described as the Quinceañera department of Dillard's.  But thankfully there were some more conservative options in the adjacent old lady section. 

 

I ended up with two options.  One I'm almost 99% sure I will see a senior citizen also wearing at the event next weekend, probably looking way more fly than me.  The other was more than I've ever spent on a dress ever but I think I could actually wear again.  So it's pretty much a win-win.

 

I can justify spending more money on the second dress with the rationale of: Oh wait...I don't give a shit how much this cost because you are making me go to a formal event 4 weeks after birthing your baby.  But also it's kind of pretty.

 

Long story short: thank God for Spanx.

 

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Cheers for Sears and Cheap Shoes

I can't believe these things are still available!

 

 

 

My friend/coworker told me about this unbelievable purchase a few weeks ago and I immediately jumped on the chance to get cute, summery, stylish shoes for $9.99.  How's that for a no-brainer!?

 

I also told my friend about them, and she got them too.  Now my other coworker is buying a pair.  So if we are all going to be twinsies, you should too!

 

We all have these in the Nude/Mint color, but I love the Cognac as well.  Maybe I'll get those too.  At that price why not!?  I also had mine delivered to the store for free so I didn't have to pay any shipping.  Oh Sears, you are so amazing.

 

The best part about this shoes, besides the mind blowing price, is that they are actually...wait for it...comfortable!  I don't say that about a shoe lightly.  In fact, I pretty much hate all shoes that aren't of the tennis or flop variety.

 

Don't miss this chance to be chic on the cheap!

Jewels for a cause

Have you ever heard of the Noonday Collection?  Until last week, I hadn't either.  I heard of it through EatLiveRun.com, a great food blog that I've been reading for years. 

 

The blogger just became an "ambassador" for the brand, and I just became a customer.  I bought this beautiful necklace.

 

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I just received it in the mail and it is even more striking in person.  I love the contrast of the bright blue thread against the gold beads.

 

I also love shopping when you can justify it by helping people.  All the jewelry from Noonday Collection is fair trade and is made by struggling artisans, providing them with a path out of poverty. 

 

The "ambassadors" also make money so it's not a 100% donation to the artisans.  But it's still charitable shopping as far as I'm concerned.

 

I also really want this:

 

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and this:

 

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But I have to pace myself.  All in the name of charity and my neck.

Stitch Fix

Have you heard of StitchFix?  The website is StitchFix.com and the idea is genius.  You go to their website, enter information about your style, body type, clothing needs, etc. and they style you!  Like a real stylist styles you.  It's the poor man's Rachel Zoe in a box!

If you want to sign up and give me a credit for referring you, click here: 

http://stitchfix.com/sign_up?referrer_id=3037007

You sign up for the program and only get a "Fix" when you want.  Hooray for no pyramid scheme or contracts!  They send you 5 items they think you will like and it arrives on your doorstep in this tidy little box:

Here's how it works in a nutshell

This is the list of items they sent me.  If I keep all 5 items I get 25% off!  That's a big savings when you  take it off of 5 items.

Here's an example of an item they sent me, which comes with a styling card attached.  Genius!

Style card for the sweater.  I wish I had received the white version in the sample card.  I might have kept that one.

Style card for jeans they sent me.  Extremely muscular legs not included.

Style card for an open front cardigan.

It even came with accessories.

This is the one thing I kept which I got a lot of compliments on.  It was great because I never would have picked it out myself but my "stylist" did and I loved it!
I wore it to bookclub last night so if you saw me wearing it then, and you're reading this now, just act natural.

The best parts about this experience were the convenience, the fact that nothing was over $100, and the fact that I was able to return everything in this prepackaged prepaid USPS bag with no hassle.  I just went online after I sent it, clicked that I was keeping the blouse, was charged for it and that was that.  No waiting to get credit back on your account because it was never taken out in the first place!

Try it!  All you have to lose is a potential $20 styling fee if you keep nothing.  If you keep even one thing the styling fee goes as a credit toward your purchase.  How's that for incentive to keep something :)

I also just discovered CakeStyle.com which appears to be the same business model.  By the way that business model did not excite my husband as much as it did me..."So you're telling me you paid someone to pick out clothes that you have to pay for?"

Silly boys, they just don't get it!

It's so fun to have someone else pick something out for you.  And what a great way to step outside of your normal shopping haunts.  The Gap is going to be hurting for business if I keep this up!...which just goes to show how adventurous my usual style is.

Too big to fail fit

It happens every year.

I make the pilgrimage to Target, hoping to find cute bathing suits with even more adorable prices.

And every year I leave defeated bymy inability to fit into even what, according to Target, is an XL.

I took the liberty of doing a size comparison while I was in the dressing room for dramatic effect. (And to spare you from the actual sight of me in the bikini).

In my mind, an XL should be larger than the average bar of soap, which this one is NOT...and which you would be able to see if I'd turned the dang bar of soap vertical. Oops!

I bring this up only because it's miserable enough looking for waterproof pieces to showcase your big butt and boobs if you ain't "got it goin' on". Don't add insult to injury by making me pay top dollar and shop in a specialized section of J.Crew.Com for a top that fits.

Btw, in case you were wondering what it feel like to not even be able to wear the biggest size of something at a store, the answer is: Not that awesome.

I thought Target was for the regular people of this consumer-hungry world! And people with regular bodies :(

Any curvy ladies out there know a place to get non-XS suits on the cheap??

Gimme Gimme

Something bad is happening.

Ever since I bought a house, I feel the need to keep with the Jonses. And by the Jonses I mean my insane spiralling selfish wants!

I have this sudden urgent need to make everything in my life more luscious so that it all fits together and unless I win the lottery I need to CTFO (Chill the F Out).

By everything I don't just mean my house. Yes I want to recover my Barbie pink couches and have bedspreads that fit the beds, but who doesn't?

What I'm talking about is residual lusciousness needs. Now I'm suddenly feeling like I need to smell better, so I need new perfume! I want to celebrate Christmas right, so I need a pretty wreath! I want to not have a $15 pink plastic summer wallet from Target anymore, so I need a new wallet!

What is happening to me?? Last year at this time I was using a hand-me-down fake Christmas tree, regifting the shiz out of old presents, and making "holiday" rice and beans for dinners just to stretch a dollar. I am historically not a big spender. I guess I have caught a case of Bieber Fever Greedy Brat Syndrome.

Does anyone out there have any cure? Or any money they want to give me to get all this crap I need want?? I haven't actually bought any of this stuff yet, and I probably won't because I ain't got the funds, but I want to make the feeling go away cuz I feel like a crazy, selfish beotch and I miss my prudent rational self.

I guess it's true what they say, "Money is all that matters". Can't you just feel that holiday spirit of giving!?

Slubby Cardi

Why in the world would Banana Republic name their sweater a "Slubby Cardi"? That is terrible marketing.

At least the genius behind the Boyfriend Jean and Boyfriend Sweater had the good sense to disguise their product with a cute name, instead of calling it the ill-fitting, unflattering baggy jean, or the add-10 pounds-to-your-frame sweater.

Come on Banana. Use a thesaurus next time.

Wipe

I'm going to chalk this up as the world's worst free sample.

Paper Towels.

This was at Costco yesterday and they were literally just offering you the chance to spray a water bottle and then wipe of the water with a Viva paper towel.

Thanks, but no thanks. I'll go sample the sausage balls in aisle 2.

PSA: Do not go to Costco on a Tuesday at 5pm if you want to fill up on freebies. That was the only time I've ever been to Costco in which I didn't have at least a few tapas worth of food.

Shop Diva

Guess what?

Chicken Butt I'm in London right now visiting my sister! She's at work right now so I have one mission and one mission alone.

To find the store pictured above. She sent me this picture a few weeks ago and I want to see if I can just follow my nose to find the store called just "DIVA".


All roads point to DIVA!

I Heart Birthday Discounts

Last night was one for the books in terms of good deals. I was so high off discounts that I convinced myself I was the next Suze Orman, only not a lesbian.

Thanks to a 15% off Birthday card from Anthropologie, and a little patience with a gift card from Christmas, I got a $98 dress from Anthro last night for only $1.73 out of my pocket!

I also got a $40 Banana Republic shirt for $15 because I've been saving a $10 reward card that I coupled with my $15 Birthday reward card. Both items are perfect for my trip next week to...wait for it...Puerto Rico!

And I also got a "pedicure" for free thanks to a promotion I found in the newspaper.

Basically I got $175 worth of stuff and services for only $26.73, including tip for the "pedicure."

That's wicked awesome, eh? It pays to sign up for all that Anthro card, BR Visa, etc. crap sometimes! I ain't scurred to be the crazy lady with coupons ;)

I wish it was my Birthday everyday!

Sunny with a chance

Ever notice how any sunglasses you buy for under $100 do NOT come with a proper case?

It's like they want you to sit on your shades and break them so that you will have to buy another pair, and another and another...

Oh wait, that probably is why they do that.

I just got these babies from Anthropologie, but of course instead of charging me $10 more and giving me a legitimate case, I get a petite burlap bag to put them in. Swell.

I wish they would save the money they spend on copious amounts of decorative tissue paper and just give me a damn case.

And in happier news related to the sun, it is supposed to be 75 degrees here today...in the middle of February!

Things that are NOT diva - Warehouse Sales

Yesterday I went to the J.Crew warehouse sale that is going on in Chapel Hill for a couple of weeks. I was so excited to get a $3 bathing suit and some $20 boots, or whatever other cheap crap I could find.

Boy was I in for a rude awakening. Upon entering the space, I was handed a trash bag...I knew this was not going to be the divalicious budget goldmine I had dreamt of.

And as if the trash bag wasn't bad enough, there was literally ZERO organization of the clothes. The clothes were neither organized by size, color, style, garment, price, season, nor any other adjective imagineable.

The $3 bathing suits were nowhere to be seen. They might have been in one of the hundreds of cardboard boxes, under the endless piles of muted colored linen somethings, animal print rejects, and shirts with plastic sequins on them. But I wouldn't know, because I carried that trash bag from the entrance of the store to the exit of the store with a look of horror on my face.

I don't even like shopping in the sale racks just because of how disorganized they always are. This was absolutely unshoppable.

This isn't meant in a snobby way, because goodness knows I have nary a disposable penny, but sometimes you just can't put a price on knowing where the hell the shirts, in your size, to your liking are.

Shop at your own risk if you must go. But know that this place does not come recommended by Mamacita!

Le' Petite Horror

Today I'd like to talk about a little something I like to call le' petite horror.

If you are anything like me, than petite would be one the most likely adjectives someone would use to never describe you.

Now let me paint a little picture for you...

You're walking around Banana Republic picking up a few items that you like, putting some back, taking some to try on. Jewelry looks cute but always falls apart, screw that. Ooh that cute sweater over there has caught my eye, I'll go check it out! Pick it up, hold it over you, decide to take it to the dressing room, and then look at the tag. It's a 6P!!!!!

Danger! Danger! Step away from the garment. Put it back on the rack, glance around like you just shot someone and pray to God that no one saw you thinking you were actually going to pull off a petite. Back away slowly and leave the area immediately!

Has that ever happened to any of you non-petites out there? Why don't they make the transition from normal to freakishly small more obvious?!

I vote that retailers should make the Petite section more like the red light district in Amsterdam. Light that $hit up! Help a big boned sista know when she's trespassing onto enemy territory!

Symptoms of Depression

You want to know how divas know they are truly sick? When they've lost the will to shop.

This happened to be last night and it was truly disorienting.

I went to the mall to return something, which usually always means that I'm also going to stop by a few more stores and at least browse.

Well last night I simply couldn't browse. I even had gift cards in hand and I just couldn't muster up the energy to shop. That's like free shopping that I passed up! T'was a sad trip to the mall.

However, I marched my ass home, watched 3 episodes of Lost because I am always at least 3 years behind technology, made a fruit smoothie parfait and convinced myself it would heal me, and went right on to bed.

Today I am healed! And you know how Stella got her groove back? Well Mamacita done got her appetite back! DANGER!

Now the will power needs to kick in to complete the dreaded New Year's resolution. Wish me luck!

Shop for less, for a cause

This is a really good deal divas.

http://gap.p.delivery.net/m/p/gap/giveandget/non-profit.asp

I've used this discount before and saved like $90 on a bunch of cute stuff.

Plus, part of your purchase goes to charity.

August 26-29, go get your shop on at Gap, Old Navy, Banana Republic, Athleta, and/or Gap Outlets and receive 30% off of EVERYTHING.

Go stock up on the Gap Basics, the Banana work pieces, the Old Navy whatevers!

I wouldn't tell you no lie. This discount is for real, for real.

Happy Shopping!

TMI, Self

Let me preface this by saying that I have been spending A LOT of time by myself in the past few weeks.

This past Saturday I went to the mall and was checking out at a store counter.

Not only did I have NO idea what day of the month it was, I also hadn't spoken to anyone in person in over 30 hours.

When signing and dating my receipt, I asked what day it was (thinking that maybe it was May 18th or thereabouts).

When the cashier told me that it was May 22nd, I proclaimed, "Oh my gosh, my carrots expire tomorrow!"

Apparently I was desperate to talk to someone and I didn't even know it! Not a safe practice!

After realizing what I'd just said, we both rapidly hurried the checkout process along. Clearly this is not typical information that is shared when buying a sweater set at the Ann Taylor Loft 30% off sale.

Not to future self, seek out human contact at least once a weekend. You don't want to surprise yourself or others with way TMI when you least expect it.