December 30, 2009
December 29, 2009
Blue gives your kitty a sharp look -- jazzy and totally copacetic.
December 23, 2009
I really do admire the gusto in which this kid executes every move. Jazz hands everybody!!
Here you have a classic of example of when one cheesy person finds there equally as cheesy mate, resulting in a giant ball of cheese exploding in your face.
Also, in this case you are lactose intolerant so it makes you violently ill.
December 22, 2009
I do see that this is a performance from 1993, and I know that times have changed. But I don't ever remember this being a style of dance.
It's like Michael Flatley teamed up with a street performing clown, then gave birth to a drunk bull-riding sorority girl with a gun festish. I sincerely hope she won.
Kudos to you Tanya Mullins for never forgetting to blow off the gun powder before returning your guns to their holster.
meat diaper n. the absorbent pad packaged between a (styrofoam) tray and meat for sale.
If could UNinvent anything in the world, it would be the meat diaper.
Arguably the world's grossest diaper, the meat diaper absorbs the juices in a piece of meat while it is packaged. I am not suggesting that this step is unncessary, but I am suggesting that having any sort of diaper near your food products is not ideal.
What ever happened to paper towels? I hear Bounty is super absorbent. Why not try that?
I hereby call for a ban on the meat diaper. Let's potty train those filets and get rid of the meat diaper! It looks gross, it feels gross, and it's a diaper for your meat!
Photo Courtesy of
I have an acquaintance in South America who, as the result of a recent name change, now goes by Jesús. Jesús was recently robbed in Lima, Peru. He was not assaulted with a weapon, but apparently his 4 assailants did raise their voices at him and say mean things! Pobre Jesús!
He did have to part ways with his digital camera, which really really sucks, but thankfully he kept his wallet. How does one keep his wallet when his pockets are literally picked through by thugs?
I had a related incident happen to me once, in which the idiot street thug "robbed" me but never thought to look in my pocket for my wallet (which incidentally had about $80 in cash and an ATM card in it). Instead, this monster got away with ten $1 bills and a useless credit card from my friend's purse.
Folks, there is a reason these people are robbers and not rocket scientists. If you can be fooled by something as amazingly simple as Velcro, you don't deserve someone else's stuff.
Either way, Velcro isn't just for your granddad's shoes anymore. That stuff will save your life.
December 21, 2009
December 18, 2009
December 17, 2009
Why take your babies and your bottle out to get the recycling? You can't say it's because you didn't want to leave them alone, because we all know you got about 25 other kids inside.
Also, look at the pictures on the article below. She appears to rotate through 3 different kids, ultimately losing two of them. Any diva knows that in the time it takes to lose 2 kids and get the recycling, your face mask would've over dried, resulting in a dry T-zone.
You want attention. That much is clear. I just wish there was a way you could do it that didn't exist in my universe.
Photo and other pointless information about Octomum courtesy of http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1236527/Octomum-channels-The-Mask-cares-supersized-brood.html
December 16, 2009
Seriously, check out the prices for these tickets. Who do you think you are? The Queen of Soul bitch? Because that's Aretha Franklin, and that's a whole nother story.
I would like to formally announce that DSW (that's the very popular abbreviation for Divasayswhat.blogspot.com) will be taking an exciting new direction in the future…AGAINST Mariah Carey.
My sister and I might get back the breaths we lost trying to sing along to Mariah, but we can never get back the dreams that we wasted on loving her, and the $24.99 that nannybfly had to spend to join the Honey B Fly fan club.
R.I.P. Mariah. You are dead to me. You won't be killing my dreams anymore.
P.S. I have been to the place where her DC venue is, and there is no way in the world you could create any sort of precious-metal package to be worth a minimum of $273.50.
Suddenly, now I see why grandparents are so resistent to move to nursing homes.
This is just not right!
Now put some dang shoes on!
December 15, 2009
(feat. Missy Elliott, Lil Kim)
He asked how I do that dat
I hate to be the one to tell you Missy, but your man, well, he's really rude.
If someone asked me how I fit my jeans over my "baby fat" I would slap them upside the head soooo hard.
December 14, 2009
I get that this is intended to be sweet, but it just ends up being T.M.I.
If you already know that your lover is going to go bald, you might as well start saving up for hair plugs, because I don't even think Rogaine works.
Also, if baldy also has some sort of strange clothes tearing compulsion, you might want to rethink this relationship altogether. Just something to think about!
Like most normal Americans, I am obsessed with Jersey Shore.
So, you can imagine my anticipation about seeing this: http://boston.barstoolsports.com/random-thoughts/the-countdown-to-snookie-getting-punched-in-the-face-is-on/
I, like most people, have been waiting for over a week to see this spray-tanned raccoon get horrifyingly hit by a man!
But I have bad news: http://www.usmagazine.com/moviestvmusic/news/mtv-pulls-punch-clip-from-jersey-shore-1970218
This is redic if you ask me. To pull this clip because of the message it conveys is to imply that anyone in their right mind would actually emulate these a$$ clowns. I can only hope that this would never happen.
Photo courtesy of http://boston.barstoolsports.com/random-thoughts/the-countdown-to-snookie-getting-punched-in-the-face-is-on/
December 13, 2009
That's right ladies and gents. Mamacita and Sistercita are going to see the one and only Mariah Carey this January, in concert, in the nation's capitol.Sure, it will probably cost an arm and a leg.
Sure, my sister had to pay $25 to join the Mariah Carey fan club just to be eligible to buy tickets.
Sure, I may not be able to go on a honeymoon because I spent a mid week vacay in order to see this $hit.
But, surely, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Let's be honest. Homegirl can't sing forever. And she surely can't fit into those lycra/poly blends for more than another year or so.
So it's on like donkey kong divas. This is happening. Stay tuned for more deets. I may actually have to upgrade phones to document this charade, because I'm sure the diva herself doesn't allow flash photography.
Photo courtesy of http://media.photobucket.com/image/mariah%20carey%20singing/PAULANEALMOONEY/maria-carey-oprah-thinner-skinny.jpg
If I wasn't totally trying to hide my identity, I would share with you the masterpiece that is my new profile pic (think bleach blonde hair, white lips, red lip liner, and neon green eyeshadow).
However, I value my privacy. Aaaand, my nose looks real funky.
All you need to know is that it's awesome. And you need a close up pic of yourself with your hair back.
I repeat, just do it. T'will provide you with endless entertainment.
Shout out to Molls*** for referring the site. As always, all identities are kept secret and sacred.
December 10, 2009
December 09, 2009
I just got bored for a minute, so naturally I went to get some bulk candy from the local market by my office. (Also the home of the Subway angels that I have frequently referred to).
Apparently I was leaning to the side while filling up on the Delicious Debris, as it is called. Because the second I straightened up, said Debris fell to the ground. There was no bottom to the bag!!
Luckily the cashier didn't charge me for the spillage. It just cost $0.54 for the second round, and all my pride for the first.
I'm already a pretty easily embarassed person, so this was just too much. I can't ever show my face there again. I think now, finally, I have good reason to not eat out of shear boredom. And that's nothing to sneeze at.
December 08, 2009
December 07, 2009
I've literally been looking for this video for over 2 years, since I originally saw it, watched it 50 times, and lost it on youtube.
I finally found it today by googling "Celine Dion who let Celine out". You'll see why when you watch the (best) video (ever).
Please excuse the bad word at the very beginning of the video. Everything that follows is pure G-rated bliss. And it's all based on scientific fact.
I will never, ever lose this video again. And, seriously, who did let Celine out??!!
December 04, 2009
December 03, 2009
Only Tyra could make the gang from Sesame Street seem un-American. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGrr2zP8Id0&feature=player_embedded
In this picture, Elmo is supposed to be checking Tyra's head for weave tracks. Read that again. Elmo. Checking for weave tracks.
Some things are sacred Tyra. Respect the Street.
December 02, 2009
I was just jonzing for some clear Pepsi and thought I'd remind yall of this blast from the past.
It really makes you wonder though...did they take someone natural out to make it clear? Or do they put something unnatural in to make it brown!?!?
Either way, me thinks it's probably bad for you.