March 10, 2014

Driving Miss Obnoxious

Today is the last day of my very last post-licensing class to become a full provisional real estate broker.  Right in the nick of time to leave my job and any immediate chance of being able to use it. 
But that is neither here nor there.  I'm happy I have it, I plan to use it in the future, and I can still get referral fees in the meantime.  Hint, hint ;)
Let me add that this is the last 30-hour class of 3 30-hour classes.  For a total of 90 post-licensing hours.  In addition to the 75 hour pre-licensing class that I took in 2012.  For a whopping 165 hours in all.  That is just so, so many hours of my life spent sitting in a chair.  I don't even like to think about it.
The first day I walked in the class (last Monday), the teacher actually yelled out, "WOAH, mama is close!"  Now every day subsequent to that I think all of my classmates are terrified that my water is going to break at any moment and cause a ruckus.  It's kind of fun to watch the fear in their eyes when I make any sudden movements.  But also really scary because I myself am terrified my water is going to break at any moment as well.  So, there's that.
I think today is the day that I go into dramatic faux labor.  I've gone 9 months without trying to punk anyone into believing it is happening.  Now is my time to shine.  And by shine I mean scare the shit out of perfect strangers.
I haven't played a cruel joke on true strangers since I was 15 years old in Drivers' Ed Class.  I took the class at Page High School and I was the only student in attendance who did not actually go to Page High School.  All of my high school classmates took Drivers' Ed from some private guy named Charlie Brown.  My mom thought that was ridiculous so I went public.  And it took about 2 classes before one clever fellow started calling me "Day School" and it stuck with the whole gang. 
As it turned out, that clever fellow was in my practice driving group of 3 people that got to cruise around various parts of town and practice parallel parking, driving no the highway, and generally not killing other drivers. 
On the last day of class/practice driving I'd had just about enough of this "Day School" crap.  So when it was my turn to be dropped off at home, I went ahead and directed them to the biggest house that I knew of, maybe the biggest house in Greensboro, and got them to pull right up the driveway to "my house". 
The look on the name caller's face as his jaw dropped to the floor was priceless.  Suddenly "Day School" wasn't so hilarious after all!
But I only let the shock last a few beats before I told them I was kidding and actually lived elsewhere.  Good times.  Good times.
Moral of the story: Don't call people names.  They might just end up being a tricky little bitch who is going to temporarily school your ass at the end of Drivers' Ed.

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