June 19, 2012

I Gave Myself a Rose

Last night I was alone.  All, all alone.  This is noteworthy because I haven't had a night when I had the house and the DVR to myself, plus no social obligations to attend in more than a year.  It was just me, the couch, and the Bachelorette. 

Hell, last night I was the freaking Bachelorette.  Sure I don't weigh 80 pounds like Emily.  Sure I don't have the best looking veneers that ABC viewers have ever seen.  And sure I don't have an illegitimate child named Ricky.  But I treated myself like a hell of a lady last night, and it was glorious.

After having such a big weekend at my sister's wedding, I was going to go to bed super early, not drink, and eat nothing but a salad.  But instead, after learning that my husband was going to stay elsewhere for the night, I wined, dined, and Channel nined myself (that is the channel that the Bachelorette is on here...not a new sexual thing that you do alone.)  I couldn't resist indulging! 

I love being by myself so much that I think I'd actually like being stranded on an island by myself.  As long as I had endless wine and cable.  I wouldn't even need that much food.  I'm so food/fat creative that I could probably find a way to make a pizza out of sand.  And like it.

If it wasn't humanly impossible to simultaneously survive and be alone, without being a nomad, I'd be happy to give a go.

*Final thought on last night's episode of the Bachelorette:
Who is this guy that is a "Data Destruction Specialist" and how can that be anything other than a professional paper shredder?

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