What the What, Sad Clown Edition

Are you on the prowl for a new job?  Perhaps you need a little extra spending money for Christmas but don't have the time to be a full-fledged part-time "seasonal"?  Well if you live in the Durham area of North Carolina, I have the opportunity for you!

 

Source

 

Job description here on Craigslist: Sad Clown.

 

And here, with my commentary in italics:

 

"While this particular position may not specifically be for writers only, I felt that I should offer this opportunity to a particular field that may be most in need of some cash.
A very special day is upon me and I would like to celebrate by bar-hopping, and on this particular night, I'd like to have at my right hand a weeping clown.
For $150 and drinks, I would like you to accompany me to several bars in the Durham, NC area. You will have to be in a clown costume and you will be required to cry. The only time I would ask you to stop crying is to take another shot. (that seems fair)
They do not have to be real tears.   (but they probably will be)
Clown must be of drinking age, preferably mid-thirties.
Must have a high tolerance for alcohol. (and humiliation I assume)
If you can attend the "after-party" at my house, there's an extra fifty bucks and a futon in it for you, but you must like cats."  (I don't even want to know what is going to happen at that after-party.  Cats + Sad Clowns + Alcohol = A fetish that I need not know exists)

 

The poster doesn't go on to say what the "very special day" is, but I am going to guess by this ad that it is not losing his virginity.  Probably more along the lines of beating World of Warcraft.  By himself.

Decal Families - Suprise Sitters

Isn't this a cute little scene?

 

A mom and dad, a little girl, a wee one, some pets...

 

 

 

And their slutty dominatrix babysitters!

Stupid Humans

Since mustaches and facial hair are so hot right now, I thought this was pretty apropos.

 

The misplaced mustache.

Source

 

Southern Hospitality

Have you ever noticed that when you ask people from the south what is in a recipe they always, always wait until the last 2 ingredients to tell you about the mayonnaise and sour cream?  Which is always, always there in a southern recipe.

 

Last week I had an amazing spicy corn dip with jalapenos.  Kind of like this recipe but so much more complexity of flavor.  Think jalapeno juice!  The ingredients sounded so healthy at first, Mexican corn, green chilies, jalapenos...then here it comes like giant balls of hail pouncing on your food-loving heart...  And just a little mayo.  And sour cream.  And a bag of cheese.

 

Source

Oy!

 

It's like somehow, by admitting to the fattening ingredients last, you allow your heart to play a Jedi Mind Trick on your saddlebagged ass so that you can truly enjoy the delicious dip without feeling guilty.

 

I'm not saying I don't do the exact same thing, because I do.  You feel the innate instinct as a dip creator to protect your creation from neglect and disuse so you just kind of underplay the severity of the mayonnaise situation going on by using the words "just a little" and lots of tiny hand pinchers to really drive home how innocent your dip is. 

(It is not!)

 

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A lady never sour creams and tells!  Until she is asked, and then she lies just a teeeensy bit.

Royal Tot

It's confirmed!  Not only by US Weekly.  But by the palace itself!  Kate Middleton is pregnant.

 

Source

I cannot wait to see this beautiful woman become a mother.  I bet she will do it with grace, with poise, and with little to no weight gain.  Seriously, how does she maintain that weight?!  I can't even imagine the discipline that must take.  I myself am always just like 1 peanut M&M away from busting my pants button off.

 

If the palace is publicly confirming the news, than she must be at least 3 months pregnant with nary a sign of a baby bump.  I just couldn't be more thrilled to see her blossom into a royal mum!

 

But for now I just hope she feels better.  The poor thing is hospitalized for crying out loud!  She has Hyperemesis Gravidarum, acute morning sickness.  That truly just sounds wretched.

 

In other baby news, Jessica Simpson is pregnant for the second time, just 7 months on the heels of her first baby's birth.  I've heard a lot of people say that she is crazy to want to gain back all the weight she just so famously lost for $4 million.  But I'm on Jessica's side.  Pop those babies out just as fast as you want.  As a mother, you have the rest of your life to get paid millions to lose weight.  Oh wait, no.  That's just Jess. 

 

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Ice Cream Sundays - Chubby Hubby

This week's flavor was Chubby Hubby.  I loved it!  My favorite "candy" of all time is a yogurt covered pretzel.  I love the combination of salty and sweet.  The best of both healthy worlds, right?  Needless to say the fudge covered peanut butter filled pretzels were right up my alley. 

 

Sometimes I wonder who originally thought to combine certain things.  Like who was the first person that said, "I think I need to stuff peanut butter into these pretzels....Wait, that's still not good enough.  I must slather them in chocolate."  Some sort of evil genius I'm sure.

 

Ironically, my chubby hubby did not like this flavor.  I guess he likes his sweets sweet and his ice cream uninterrupted by savory intruders.  To each his own.  His dislike of this flavor has meant that the pint has survived over a week in the freezer.  Simply unheard of in our house!

 

I don't know if I'd buy this again because I love a lot of other flavors so much more, but I would not say no to a spoonful mug cup bowl of it if someone put it in front of my face.

 

Summary:

 

Flavors Tried - 36

 

Favorite Flavor(s) - Mint Chocolate Cookie, Creme Brulee, What a Cluster.  What can I say?  I crave a variety of flavors depending on the day.  I'm very complex.