Amazingly Stupid Lyrics to Songs I love

This song, which is surprisingly played an awful lot on XM radio considering that it came out in 2001, never ceases to amaze me.

Just for little lyrics like these, found here:

- Baby I would climb the Andes solely
To count the freckles on your body

Thoughts - That doesn't even rhyme. And what the hell kind of freckled beast are you dating that you could still see their freckles from atop a mountain chain?? MISMATCH!

- Lucky that my breasts are small and humble
So you don't confuse them with mountains

Thoughts - Oh, honey, no. Since we are still on the mountain theme, you are clearly still referring to that freckly ginger from earlier. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but in addition to being at a high risk for skin cancer, he's clearly also a virgin. Breasts, no matter the size, are not typically mistaken for mountains.

Clearly English is your third language. After Spanish and shaking the ever-loving shit out of your hips.

Great tune though!

Indian Feast Made Fast and Easy...and Cheap!!

Do you ever crave an Indian feast but not want to spend restaurant spices to get your fill?? Well I have got just the thing for you. Simmer Sauces! I am sure there are several out there, but these are the two brands I've tried from the International Aisle at Harris Teeter. They are near the Soy Sauce.

It is SOO easy to make a luscious Indian meal. Just grab these few ingredients below:

1) Simmer Sauce

2) Jasmine Rice (how is this rice so good??)

3) Your meat of choice! I went crazy last night and did a combo of chicken and shrimp.

Saute meat, add simmer sauce, and simmer until meat is done and rice is cooked! It's so easy and the finished product is a warm bowl of Indian delight.

Of course the above picture looks more like dog food than an Indian feast, but that's just because I'm too lazy to use my real camera and instead continue to take sub par quality pictures with my phone. That's why this sauce is so good for a lazy girl like me!

Make this tonight! You can make the whole jar, meat, and rice for about $10 and that makes 3 servings. Booya!

Holiday Mixing

Last weekend I did something I've been waiting over a year to do. I christened my Kitchen Aid Mixer that I got as a wedding gift.

...Queue the sound of Angels rejoicing!!!

In case you don't know, or are a straight man, Kitchen Aid Mixers are pretty much a must-have in any fabulous kitchen. It is a right of passage for snobby non-professional chefs like myself.

I used it to make this:

That's made from scratch egg nog and it is delicious! I used this recipe from last year and it was even better than I remembered. I'm sure that had a lot to do with my new fabulous mixer :)

Go drink some egg nog if you haven't already this holiday season. It warms the heart and the esophagus and brings a smile to one's belly.

Ice Cream Sundays - Boston Cream Pie

Unfortunately, this flavor looks and sounds a lot better than it tastes. It wasn't bad, per say. But look at that pint container! I was expecting creamy chocolaty softness. Instead it was just kind of a blah nondescript ice cream with a few goodies here and there.

I will say, however, that one of those goodies rocked my socks off. It has actual pieces of cake in it! If only everything in the world had actual pieces of cake in it. The world would be a much happier place!

This flavor had a quality reminiscent of the Red Velvet Cake Flavor, which if you recall from this post, I found to have a bit of an artificial sugar flavoring. And again, I don't know how that's possible since it is made with real sugar, but it wasn't my jam.

Overall, this flavor was pretty forgettable to me.

Summary:

Flavors Tried - 9

Pounds Gained - 0

Favorite Flavor - Strawberry Cheesecake

Service with a bitter smile

Do you know what is not awesome?

Customer Service phone operators who give you the runaround. As in, "Let me talk to you for 20 minutes, listen to your problem that you've already told 5 other buffoons, act like I can help, and then ultimately tell you that the solution to your problem isn't in my department."

I recently synced my iPad to my computer for the first time in a while. It asked me if I wanted to join the Cloud. Naturally I said yes, because who doesn't want to live on a cloud?

Big mistake. That simple click of YES immediately deleted my Apple ID and all ability to work with the 300+ songs I've purchased from iTunes.

Commence Freak Out.

After calling LITERALLY 5 people, who told me that they "Have limited capabilities over the phone" (why the HELL is their a phone line for this sort of thing in the first place then???) I finally got word that my ID had spontaneously been changed to my email address.

Whatever. Problem solved.

The point is that it is damn hard to stay nice when you feel lost in a sea of telephone operators. I am a pretty nice person. And I was very nice to the first 2 people I talked to. But after explaining my issue for the umpteenth time to Customer Service Representatives 3-6, my voice got hoarse and my personality got a little "ragey".

If I am a paying customer who did nothing but get duped because I signed up for something that YOU offered me, don't screw with me. And DON'T mess with my musical collection of Mariah Carey and what is essentially "Now That's What I Call Music" volumes 1-37.

There are some things I can live without. But an mp3 of "Everybody Dance Now" by CC Music Factory is not one of them.

Au Natural

I have really big feet. A size 9.5-10 to be exact.

I was recently shoe shopping with my mother-in-law and we got to talking about my big ol' ski feet. (It's not as bad as it sounds). Then we started talking about how kids these days are just overall bigger in size, stature, feet, etc.

Personally I think it's because our food has lots of hormones in it. Mind you, I write this as I am eating canned tuna for lunch. I don't do anything to counter it, it just scares the shit out of me.

I seriously think in 1-3 generations our children will be borderline wildebeests. I for one am a very big person. I have the aforementioned gigantic feet, a big head, big bones, and calves that are scientifically proven to be larger than the thighs of my best friend. Talk about a confidence booster!

I like to blame this on the fact that my mom fed me Bologna sandwiches for lunch when I wasn't easting personal gallons of Coffee Ice Cream, but I also know that said best friend lived on a steady diet of turkey dogs and fat free cheese quesadillas when we were in high school. Hardly proof that fake foods make you fat (she's way little).

Nonetheless, I'm convinced that our food is filled with garbage that will eventually ruin us all. I want so badly to be able to afford to eat strictly organically, but I just can't! It is too damn expensive! Seriously, organic chicken is literally 3x the price of non-organic chicken. And by non-organic I'm sure that means filled with hormones and fed with poop.

If I ever get pregnant, however, I am going to eat only organically. I'd like my baby to have control over his or her own destiny. If he or she wants to eat Doritos until fingers turn orange and chow down on hormone-treated meat until he or she might as well be taking HGH, then so be it. But I will not be the one to give my child body issues or artificial fat cells.

Sure, with my genes they are already screwed. But at least I will give them the best organic tofurkey and baby Cornish game hens until they can afford to buy their own damn food. The future is a scary place when the entire human race is collectively killing themselves with cheeseburgers. I'ma try to fight that one offspring at a time.

P.S. There is a Whole Foods going up in Wilmington that I pass every day on the way to work, so that is why I suddenly have an opinion and passion about this organic foods and my gigantic feet.