Dumb Lyrics

I was just listening to this song on the radio and there were soooo many dumb lyrics that I wanted to blog about.  And then I heard this, the pis de resistance:

"If I got one life to live, i'mma party til i'm dead

What the hell is a life worth living if it's not on the edge

Tryna keep my balance i'm twisted so just in case I fall

 

Written on my tombstone should say women, weed and alcohol"

Shut the f*ck up Luda.  Just shut the f*ck up. 

 

I hope that you are a roll model to no one ever, because that is simply not good advice.  Also, you forgot to mention a little thing called MONEY!  Surely that's on your list of wholesome priorities too?!

 

Cover your ears, kids!

 

 

Stupid Lyrics to Songs I Love

I haven't done one of these in ages!  Today's lyrical breakdown is "Drunk on You" by Luke Bryan.  Here's a little excerpt:

Well if you ain't a ten, you're a 9.9 - Ok just stop right there.  Why would you take back the 10?  Girls don't typically like being demoted in looks, especially mid-sentence.

Tippin' and spillin' that homemade wine on your tied-up, tshirt - Ew, homemade wine.  You know that shit's muscadine.  Pass.

Every little kiss is drivin me wild, throwin little cherry bombs into my fire - Not safe.

Good God al-mighty

Girl you make my speakers go "BOOM BOOM" - You probably need to  get your system checked.  Sounds like something might be wrong with the bass.

Dancin' on the tailgate in a full moon - Careful!  That's sounds really unstable, especially in the dark!

That kinda thing makes a man go mhmm mhmm - Not very manly.  Not very real words.

You're lookin' so good in what's left of those blue jeans - She sounds like a very poor dresser.  Either that or someone attacked her and slashed jeans into pieces, in which case, my condolences.

Drip of honey on the money maker gotta bee - Not sure what this means but it sounds like he wants to put honey on her butt.  Good luck cleaning that off.  Honey sticky, yo.

The best buzz I'm ever gonna find.. - Highly doubt that.  Have you ever tried a little thing called alcohol?  Might I suggest a nice Cabernet Sauvignon?

I'm a little drunk on you, and high on summertime
AND....SCENE.
The lyrics may be stupid but that doesn't mean I don't love the song!

Amazingly Stupid Lyrics to Songs I love

This song, which is surprisingly played an awful lot on XM radio considering that it came out in 2001, never ceases to amaze me.

Just for little lyrics like these, found here:

- Baby I would climb the Andes solely
To count the freckles on your body

Thoughts - That doesn't even rhyme. And what the hell kind of freckled beast are you dating that you could still see their freckles from atop a mountain chain?? MISMATCH!

- Lucky that my breasts are small and humble
So you don't confuse them with mountains

Thoughts - Oh, honey, no. Since we are still on the mountain theme, you are clearly still referring to that freckly ginger from earlier. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but in addition to being at a high risk for skin cancer, he's clearly also a virgin. Breasts, no matter the size, are not typically mistaken for mountains.

Clearly English is your third language. After Spanish and shaking the ever-loving shit out of your hips.

Great tune though!

Stop Drinking

Every now and then I am driving in my car and I hear a song so God awful that it makes me want to run into a telephone pole.

This week it was "Hangover" by Taio Cruz.

For realz, check out these lyrics: http://monsterlyrics.blogspot.com/2011/07/taio-cruz-ft-flo-rida-hangover-lyrics.html

To know that this song, which I heard on XM Top 20, is what today's youth will be bopping their heads to, makes me sad to the core.

Mostly because of lyrics like this:

- so i can go until i blow up, eh
and i can drink until i throw up, eh
and i don’t ever ever want to grow up

Excellent...Binge drinking until you're sick and never becoming responsible. Great goals. I bet you used your dad's credit card for those drinks.


- drink up! cause a body in a body ….
end up on the floor, …. you clueless
…. what the hell you’re doing
…. you know what? come again
give me henny, give me …, give me liquor, give me champagne

Now this doesn't even make sense, but it sure does remind me of something that happened at my own wedding. One guy got so drunk that took off all of his clothes, went up to the bar, and ordered a cup of "drunk".

Thanks for the inspiration Taio. Here's hoping Santa brings you a bottle of Excedrin and a gift card good for one trip to Rehab.

It's Just Way Too Damn Late Is What It Is

I just heard an amazing song on the radio. It’s amazing because it’s actually a very catchy tune. But also because the lyrics and message of the song are equal parts hilarious and absurd.

Listen to the song here for your enjoyment.

Read the lyrics to the song hear for your amazement.

Here are my thoughts on the lyrics:

- First of all, what sort of uppers are these crazy fools taking? At 5 O’clock in the morning, if I’m not sleeping, I’m already bemoaning my pre-hangover hangover, trying to get the mascara off of my eyes, and most likely having a cheese-based snack. Def not creeping to T-Pain’s bed.

- Second of all, the whole scenario that this guy and girl are creating is so disturbing it makes me laugh. I can just imagine the writer of the song thinking, “Ok, I got it! We are going to get a really polite sounding British girl, who thinks common people are boring, and who suffers from a severe case of insomnia/nymphomania. The back story is that she has sex with T-Pain all the time, but only at 5AM. Ok, go!"

Then she overhears T-Pain saying he’s getting a lil' sleepy, so she beats him to his bed where she then pretends to be asleep, hoping he is “creeping”.

So, if I am to understand that correctly, she intentionally gets into a horny guy’s bed at 5AM, pretends to be asleep, with the hope that he’s in the mood to, what?....attempt to get it on with her comatose body? That is sick.

Actually I know of a situation just like that that happened in college. One of those people went to jail.

Final thoughts – Great song to listen to, not so much to over-analyze. Also, home girl needs to get a new, earlier booty call. By the time she hits 30 she’s not going to be able to stay up past midnight, let alone 5am.

Maybe the follow up song can be “It’s 5 O’clock in the PM, I just had a wine spritzer with my legit boyfriend…Then we went and got appetizers, he told the waitress, “Hey, go ahead and double size hers”….That’s really more my style :)