December 08, 2011

Au Natural

I have really big feet. A size 9.5-10 to be exact.

I was recently shoe shopping with my mother-in-law and we got to talking about my big ol' ski feet. (It's not as bad as it sounds). Then we started talking about how kids these days are just overall bigger in size, stature, feet, etc.

Personally I think it's because our food has lots of hormones in it. Mind you, I write this as I am eating canned tuna for lunch. I don't do anything to counter it, it just scares the shit out of me.

I seriously think in 1-3 generations our children will be borderline wildebeests. I for one am a very big person. I have the aforementioned gigantic feet, a big head, big bones, and calves that are scientifically proven to be larger than the thighs of my best friend. Talk about a confidence booster!

I like to blame this on the fact that my mom fed me Bologna sandwiches for lunch when I wasn't easting personal gallons of Coffee Ice Cream, but I also know that said best friend lived on a steady diet of turkey dogs and fat free cheese quesadillas when we were in high school. Hardly proof that fake foods make you fat (she's way little).

Nonetheless, I'm convinced that our food is filled with garbage that will eventually ruin us all. I want so badly to be able to afford to eat strictly organically, but I just can't! It is too damn expensive! Seriously, organic chicken is literally 3x the price of non-organic chicken. And by non-organic I'm sure that means filled with hormones and fed with poop.

If I ever get pregnant, however, I am going to eat only organically. I'd like my baby to have control over his or her own destiny. If he or she wants to eat Doritos until fingers turn orange and chow down on hormone-treated meat until he or she might as well be taking HGH, then so be it. But I will not be the one to give my child body issues or artificial fat cells.

Sure, with my genes they are already screwed. But at least I will give them the best organic tofurkey and baby Cornish game hens until they can afford to buy their own damn food. The future is a scary place when the entire human race is collectively killing themselves with cheeseburgers. I'ma try to fight that one offspring at a time.

P.S. There is a Whole Foods going up in Wilmington that I pass every day on the way to work, so that is why I suddenly have an opinion and passion about this organic foods and my gigantic feet.

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