Public Feasting

Oh geez. I have a pit in my stomach.

Something so frightening that I never even thought to previously fear just happened to me.

I just heard these words from a coworker: "I saw you at K-38 on Saturday night. But we were tucked in the corner so you couldn't see me."

Gulp. K-38 is my favorite Mexican restaurant in the world. It's also in a conveniently inconvenient location to most people I know in Wilmington, so I never have to hold back on my chip consumption there.

I gruuuuubbed out on Saturday night while sitting at the bar with my husband. We were staying at my parents' house which has no food in it, so I was essentially storing up for winter a whole night without snacks. To think that someone was watching me publicly maul a basket of tortilla chips without restraint is just horrifying.

Especially because it was one of my most vigorous nights o' chips.

Now the mystery of why I am so curvy is debunked for that particular coworker. It's not just genetics. It's tortilla chips :(

Mo' Money Mo' Fast Food

Oh My Food.

What a gluttonous holiday I have had. Many snacks, many drinks, and many, many calories.

What about you? I know I wasn't the only one. For instance, the person who stole my credit card two days before Christmas also had a lot to eat at Church's Chicken, Burger King, and Wendy's, all in one night! Then he/she chased it down with a $344 package from DirecTV.

While I cringe at the possibility of losing my hard earned money to some jerk who couldn't afford his own Whopper, I take a little comfort knowing that whoever stole from me probably had one serious case of diarehha after eating at 3 gross fast food chains in one night.

'Tis the season, to steal from innocent strangers. Ooooh wait, no. STEALING IS NOT NICE!

I am just happy to have some backup Christmas cash and some fruits and veggies back in my life. Yule Tide makes me chubby.

Will Dance for Tacos

Well that was quick. I think my Zumba career is over after just 4 classes.

I decided this in last night's class when not even the most enthusiastic of fellow dancers was making me giggle and I couldn't get one mother freaking dance move right.

It comes down to the simple fact that sucking this bad at something is just not good for my self confidence.

Oh, and the fact that all of the Latin music they play just makes me want tacos soooo bad everytime I take a class. Last night I had to mentally manipulate myself into not hightailing it to the nearest Mexican restaurant after class.

Exercise + Tacos = Contradiction much?

The vicious cycle of food and exercise continues to confound and enrage me. I just need to move to one of those villages in Africa where they praise large women and even have fattening huts to keep them large and in charge.

Hot to Trot

This is hella random, but I feel like this is something I need to share to the world...and my 60 readers.

Hardee's is amazing.

I went to a Hardee's for the first time this past Sunday. You know, just to give one last kick in the pants to my jeans button after copious Thanksgiving feasting. I left feeling utterly satisfied with service and quality. And just a little bit fatter than before.

First of all, our food took about ten minutes to be delivered to our table. A 10 minute wait might not be what you want when you are choosing fast food, but I personally take great comfort in knowing that my food is being prepared fresh and not just dumped in a fry basket.

Second of all, they had this on the menu: http://www.hardees.com/menu/chicken-other/hand-breaded-buffalo-chicken-sandwich

Oh my stars. This was just what I wanted. Rarely do I find a buffalo chicken sandwich in which I have to make zero alterations. Usually I have to at least sub blue cheese for ranch and add onions.

Not so with this guy. This sandwich automatically came with everything my heart desired. T'was glorious.

I have to admit I've had a few buffalo chicken sandwiches that are better than this, but not many. And I can assure you that says a lot because I rarely see a buffalo chicken sandwich on a menu without ordering it sans hesitation...which could explain a lot about my thighs.

I definitely don't want to make a habit out of this fast food delight, but if you're in a pickle/hungover and you need something covered in buffalo sauce and made with a great attitude, look no further.

Now excuse me while I clean up my drool off of my keyboard and go buy stock in Frank's Red Hot Sauce. I don't know who Frank is personally, but he has made my life infinitely better with his peppery sauce. I <3 you Frank!

Merry Merry Very Fat

It's the most wonderful time of the year!! Oooh how I love the holidays!

It's a little strange this year, what with it being 75 degrees yesterday and all. But that didn't stop me from buying my first ever REAL Christmas tree in my first ever home. There she is pictured above. Ain't she a beaut?! Obviously I'm in need of a better tree topper, so if you want to buy me an Angel or a beautiful Star I'm currently accepted such things. Santa's hat kind of looks like a limp bizkit as a tree topper.

How was everyone's Thanksgiving? I ate way too much, as usual, and felt like a fat bag of poo when I got home Sunday. My mother in law is a great cook and she always makes so much food. Think Paula Dean who somehow has the will power to not eat her own creations and never gains weight. Her 4 boys, being the non-food-hysterical women that they are, can overlook the cookies in the jar and the leftover stuffing in the fridge, because they are just used to it. I, on the other hand, spent the 3 days I was at their house sneaking Hamburger Sliders as snacks (!!!!!!) and asked about the leftover mashed potatoes so many times that I had to be asked to stop talking.

It didn't help that, as I alluded to in my last post, I wrongly thought I had lost weight recently. It turned out the my scale wasn't zeroed and I'd actually gained a few pounds. Perhaps my floor is just sinking from the Birthday poo explosion?

It's funny how the way one feels about him/herself is so psychological. I was walking around the last few weeks like I was some hot piece of ass, all confident and slim and whatnot. Then, just by realizing I was a few pounds heavier than I thought, with no other factors changing, I immediately start schlepping around like the Hunchback of Notre-Dame, feeling all fat and stumpy.

Oh well, time to start fresh this week! In preparation for a full month of feasting in December. DAMMIT! Oh wait...I love the holidays, I forgot...Such an emotional time for crazy people.