Happy VDay Hoes

Happy Valentine's Day.

You know what will make your special lady love you forever?

Not getting her a pulsating necklace.

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Have you seen this ridiculousness on TV recently?  

Diamonds in Rhythm TM, Shimmering Diamonds that Follow Your Every Move

AKA, they pulsate.  When your Valentine's Day jewelry comes with a video demonstration, you know it's going to be all class all the way.

Here's a list of characteristics I never wanted in jewelry:

1) For it to follow my every move.

Well, looks like that's the whole list!  I'd rather have a $10 box of chocolates that just sits still until I eat it, than a $800 vibrating, Rose Gold, heart-shaped, 3/8 carat novelty necklace that looks like it'd give you vertigo.  I wonder if batteries are required.

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Love might be in the air, but it is not in that box from Kay Jewelers.  Trust me fellas.

Happy Valentine's Day

I don't give a rat's ass about Valentine's Day but Happy one to you anyway.  

I got these sweet card from my sister.

With this highly appropriate message inside.

She said she didn't plan on getting me a card but saw the words "happy hours" and couldn't resist.  Hey, that's reason enough for me!

And then I got this awesome message from my beloved.  In a totally cheesy sequence of events, we met on this day 8 years ago via a setup from our friends to a fraternity Valentine's Day cocktail.  Super cliche but it stuck!

We are truly meant to be.  We've also been arguing for about 5 years now about who brought back the word "jabronie".  God we need a pet or something.

Valetine's Day Massacre

Happy Valentine's Day. AKA, the most perpetually dissapointing holiday every year, right behind New Year's Eve.

I'm not celebrating this year because I think it's a stupid holiday designed to sell cards, flowers, and chocolates. And to make single people feel alone and hostile toward their married breathren, when every other day of the year they got nothin' but love.

Also, because last year I went all out, made Indian food from scratch, bought a bottle of bubbly, and made pink waffles from scratch. Only to end up alone, eating 4 servings of Chicken Tikka Masala, drinking most of a bott of champagne, and make pink waffles the next morning with a very terrible headache.

This week I'm treating February 14 as what it really is:

-A Tuesday

-Another day in the way of my weekend

-Another day in which I have to plausible reason to eat a box of chocolates.

Btw, did you know that Valentine's day, and more specifically Saint Valentine, had nothing to do with romance or chocolate fondue? It actually stems from the death of two ancient Romans, both named Valentine, who were executed (one even beheaded!) on February 14th for their attempts to convert Emperor Claudius II to Christianity in 3rd Century A.D.

On that note, happy Valentine's Day lovers!