Will Dance for Tacos

Well that was quick. I think my Zumba career is over after just 4 classes.

I decided this in last night's class when not even the most enthusiastic of fellow dancers was making me giggle and I couldn't get one mother freaking dance move right.

It comes down to the simple fact that sucking this bad at something is just not good for my self confidence.

Oh, and the fact that all of the Latin music they play just makes me want tacos soooo bad everytime I take a class. Last night I had to mentally manipulate myself into not hightailing it to the nearest Mexican restaurant after class.

Exercise + Tacos = Contradiction much?

The vicious cycle of food and exercise continues to confound and enrage me. I just need to move to one of those villages in Africa where they praise large women and even have fattening huts to keep them large and in charge.

Stop Drinking

Every now and then I am driving in my car and I hear a song so God awful that it makes me want to run into a telephone pole.

This week it was "Hangover" by Taio Cruz.

For realz, check out these lyrics: http://monsterlyrics.blogspot.com/2011/07/taio-cruz-ft-flo-rida-hangover-lyrics.html

To know that this song, which I heard on XM Top 20, is what today's youth will be bopping their heads to, makes me sad to the core.

Mostly because of lyrics like this:

- so i can go until i blow up, eh
and i can drink until i throw up, eh
and i don’t ever ever want to grow up

Excellent...Binge drinking until you're sick and never becoming responsible. Great goals. I bet you used your dad's credit card for those drinks.


- drink up! cause a body in a body ….
end up on the floor, …. you clueless
…. what the hell you’re doing
…. you know what? come again
give me henny, give me …, give me liquor, give me champagne

Now this doesn't even make sense, but it sure does remind me of something that happened at my own wedding. One guy got so drunk that took off all of his clothes, went up to the bar, and ordered a cup of "drunk".

Thanks for the inspiration Taio. Here's hoping Santa brings you a bottle of Excedrin and a gift card good for one trip to Rehab.

Ice Cream Sundays - Americone

Who doesn't love Stephen Colbert? And, more importantly, who doesn't love Fudge Covered Waffle Cone Pieces.

Wait, don't answer that. The answer is No One!

This ice cream is simple perfection. I loved the mellow flavors of the vanilla ice cream, the decadent hints of caramel swirls, and the triumphant pieces of fudge covered waffle cones found throughout. It all just goes together. It's like white wine and ice. Or politics and boredom. It just makes sense together!

I was also very grateful to find this flavor in a small serving, because let's be honest - An ice cream experiment during the holidays is just damn dangerous to one's ass.

Summary:

Flavors Tried - 8

Pounds Gained - Shut up it's the holidays

Favorite Flavor So far - Strawberry Cheesecake

Gimme Gimme

Something bad is happening.

Ever since I bought a house, I feel the need to keep with the Jonses. And by the Jonses I mean my insane spiralling selfish wants!

I have this sudden urgent need to make everything in my life more luscious so that it all fits together and unless I win the lottery I need to CTFO (Chill the F Out).

By everything I don't just mean my house. Yes I want to recover my Barbie pink couches and have bedspreads that fit the beds, but who doesn't?

What I'm talking about is residual lusciousness needs. Now I'm suddenly feeling like I need to smell better, so I need new perfume! I want to celebrate Christmas right, so I need a pretty wreath! I want to not have a $15 pink plastic summer wallet from Target anymore, so I need a new wallet!

What is happening to me?? Last year at this time I was using a hand-me-down fake Christmas tree, regifting the shiz out of old presents, and making "holiday" rice and beans for dinners just to stretch a dollar. I am historically not a big spender. I guess I have caught a case of Bieber Fever Greedy Brat Syndrome.

Does anyone out there have any cure? Or any money they want to give me to get all this crap I need want?? I haven't actually bought any of this stuff yet, and I probably won't because I ain't got the funds, but I want to make the feeling go away cuz I feel like a crazy, selfish beotch and I miss my prudent rational self.

I guess it's true what they say, "Money is all that matters". Can't you just feel that holiday spirit of giving!?

Schweaty Pits

source

This is just good stuff: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2068497/Tom-Cruise-looks-little-unsure-reveals-wet-look-Mission-Impossible-Ghost-Protocol-fan-screening.html

Oh Tommy C. This is what you get for dressing like Dexter on a kill mission, during a press conference for your movie.

I can surely sympathize with an excessive sweater, but know how to dress to hide your flaws.

Surely with all of that Mission Impossible money you could afford some more breathable shirts?

Meow

This was sent to me by a friend yesterday who accurately said, "There's a lot going on here." (And who you can kind of make out taking the picture!)

Broadcasting that you are both a Yankee and a football fan is like having a "26.2" and a "13.1" sticker on the back of your car. I can tell immediately that I do not want to be your friend.

Oh you run half and full marathons? Well I'm driving to Chik Fil-A just to get lemonade, but they don't make a sticker for that. Too bad you will have to go this whole leg of Market Street behind me without knowing more about my personal life.

Oh, and the 4 cats? Why would anyone flash this around on their car? Don't they know that it is not socially acceptable to be a "cat person"? I would rather have a sticker on the back of my car that says "I'm a functioning alcoholic" or "I just don't have that many friends". I would be more comfortable with people knowing that.

Keep it in your pants Giants fan. No one needs to know about your kitties!