November 12, 2013

Baked Woven Wheats Are Not Delicious

I picked these babies up from Whole Foods on Sunday.
And when I say babies I really mean the carb equivalent of a grumpy old man.  It turns out whatever they allow you to put in the Triscuits at Harris Teeter that doesn't make the cut at Whole Foods, is a very important and delicious ingredient.
But what I really have an issue with about these crackers is the name.  In what world is this an appropriate name for a food - Baked Woven Wheats?  At least one that you are trying to sell, and not trick people into disregarding so you can keep for yourself.
It seems like maybe someone was so high on granola that they just got tickled by the alliteration and decided to go with it.  Kind of like this, but with no preservatives or joy:
Whatever is the opposite of OPI nail polish naming criteria, is the modus operandi at Whole Foods.  I mean really think about the name Baked Woven Wheats.  If I hadn't seen it in the store with my own eyes I would have guessed it was a reference to very earthy quilt made in the Arizona desert.
This is just further proof that I need to save my money and my taste buds and always, always turn left to Harris Teeter.  Whole Foods you tricked me again!

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