November 14, 2013

40's Fertility Fodder...I kid you not

How's this for a chapter opener:
"Clothing - The most important consideration in regard to the expectant mother's wardrobe is that it should be attractive.  This may sound like a superficial observation but it is profoundly true."
Ha. Ha. Ha.  Tell that to my sweat pants and t-shirt.  That I wear every night.  The exact second that I get home from work.
It goes on to blow my mind by saying, "Yes, more important than knowing the dangers of circular garters and high heels is the knowledge that you are well-groomed, because only then (if you are like most women) will you really enjoy entertaining your friends and meeting your husband's friends, and in turn visiting their homes."
"Pregnancy is no time to be a recluse."  Oh honey, no.  That's wrong.  Pregnancy is the perfect time to be a recluse.  Unless you count the company of a dog.  In which case I'm being social as shit.  Because she and I, well, we hang out a lot on my couch watching TV at night.  And we couldn't be happier.  Or more into peanut butter.
"To be sure, the abdominal rotundity is a handicap, but, for some reason, during the middle months of pregnancy women develop a special radiance which is most becoming and tends to offset this."
While I highly beg to differ about that special radiance (mine is more like a special form of adult acne), I so appreciate the new word for my "handicap" - abdominal rodtundity.  It has a really nice ring to it.
1940's, you so crazy.

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