August 12, 2013

Bikram is a Bastard?

It was almost a year ago to the day that I tried my first (and very last) attempt at Bikram Yoga.
You might recall from my stories here and here that I nearly died and wholly embarrassed myself.
Well in case you also hate being 107 degrees like me, and you need further proof that Hot Yoga is the devil's exercise, I have it for you here:
Sounds harsh.  Gets harsher.
"Towne said the training schedule was based on Bikram's erratic desires; sometimes students would be in lecture until 3 A.M. and still be expected to show up at 8:30 A.M. the same morning. (Bikram talks a lot about his ability to avoid eating and sleeping, she said; "Sleep is the number one crime" was one of his favorite sayings.)"
I'm going to have to stop you right there.  First of all, those words you just said Bikram...those are fighting words.  Sleep is my number one love.  Consider me America's Most Wanted if sleeping is a crime.  And avoiding eating?  I'd sooner avoid breathing.  Which I realize would cause me to die, but at least I'd die fat and happy.
The article goes on to reveal more pearls of wisdom from Bikram himself.  My favorite is:
"More marriage advice: "Love your bitch wife every moment." Well, duh.
Apparently he hates a lot of people, the most mind blowing of which is "people who live in cold climates".  How dare they!?
But the funniest takeaway from this hate filled article about a "sport" which I think was created to torture people's souls and sweat glands, is the comment section, in which no issue in the article is commented on more than the Bikram's saying, "On testicles: "You never see two balls in one line."  I guess people know what they are passionate about!
I stand by my opinion that Hot Yoga is the worst.  In no world, no how, do I ever need to be 107 degrees.  Especially if that world involves a 90 pound woman with nary a shadow of an ass telling me I can't leave the room.

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