Getting Over It

I definitely just hit the point in my pregnancy in which I am over it.  I want this baby to be in my arms and my belly to go back to being as unremarkable as it's always been.

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I can't wait for a lot of things post-pregnancy:

- Being able to see the lower half or my stomach

- Being able to pee in a public restroom without accidentally farting*

- Being able to not weigh the same as a man of average height...who is also kind of fat

- Being able to drink alcohol

- Being able to eat Italian sandwiches

- Being able to sleep for more than 2 hours at a time without having to pee

- Being able to sleep on whichever quadrant of my body I choose

- Being able to mount or dismount a seat without grunting

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Oh, and being a mom!  I can't wait for that the most of all.  But I really, really want to not feel like a beached whale again.  

 

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This was me at dinner on Saturday.

 

Compared to my reflection now, when I look at old pictures of me on Facebook I am like, "Holy shit I was a freaking super model!".  Obviously that's a bit of an exaggeration, but it makes me want to tell my former non-ginormous self to lay off the fat comments to self and enjoy wearing regular pants with real pockets and even shirts that don't have elastic on the sides!

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*There's a reason why people tell you to wait until you are married to get pregnant.  It's not just about respecting your body and God.  It's because you need someone that is legally bound to you to stick with you through the multi-post-midnight bathroom interruptions, full body grunts, hormonal and emotional roller coaster rides, ice cream on your face, and involuntary body noises.  They should probably add an extra episode about that on MTV's Teen Mom.  If that doesn't cut teen pregnancy in half, nothing will.

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T-minus 6 weeks!

Kelly Ripa is NOT my cup of coffee

If I learned one thing from IceAge2K14 it's that Kelly Ripa makes me not want to be a stay at home mom. 

Not because she inspires me to start my own company or be on TV.  But because she is so unbearably annoying that I don't think I can bare to actually be at home while she is on my TV at 11am.

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She reminds me of Cheri O'Teri's character from Morning Latte, but without even being accidentally funny.  

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 Kelly, eat a burger and go away.  You are simply too much.

 

Fat Girl in a Little Coat

People always tell me how lucky I am to not be heavily pregnant in the middle of the summer.  And they are right!

But you know what is not super awesome about being large and in charge in the winter?  Not being able to zip up any of your coats.  And I mean ZERO of them.

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That makes for a permanently chilly and oh-so-large mid section.

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 And it just goes to show that if you put your mind to it, you can always find something to complain about.

I Miss Mindy

You know what is kind of bad?  I think I might be more excited about April 1 (the return of the Mindy Project) than March 18 (my due date).

It's not that I'm a terrible person or not going to be a loving mom.  It's just that the Mindy Project is the best show ever to grace Television.  And it left us with one of the most epic cliff hangers in cinematic history.  If you're a girl and totally love romantic comedies!  If you're only into murder and mystery, this won't make you feel quite as strongly as it does me.

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 Here's the thing:

On or around March 18 I'm either going to be pushing a baby out my hooha or, according to the rather douchey doctor I saw yesterday, having a c-section.  Jack is breeched and loving it so I might have to go the surgery route.  Whatevs.  As long as he's healthy, and all that feel good crap.

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Also, I know with 100% certainty that on April 1, Mindy is going to make me giggle and giggle and maybe even pee my pants a little if what they say about having children is true.  It's likely to be more like a couple of weeks before Jack cracks his first smile and months before he makes his first intentional funny.  The odds for having me in stitches aren't in his favor.  Unless you count the literal type.  Then he's the front runner.

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This is my first Tuesday of the Mindy Project winter sabbatical so perhaps I'm being a little dramatic as a result.  The good news is March + April will be filled with debuts of all kinds --> Mine as a mother, Jack's as a human, and Mindy and Danny as two people K-I-S-S-I-N-G in a tree!

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This is the 10 day forecast for Wilmington:

See those blue drops on Wednesday next to the 9 DEGREE LOW!?  

Those are my tears. 

Uninvited and A-OK with that

There are two majorly awesome things this year that I am actually really glad I am both financially and invitationally not allowed to go to and here's why:

1) The Super Bowl - Because my beloved Panthers won't be in it and because it will be freezing.  New Jersey in February?  No thank you very much.  I'll be sitting by the fire on my couch eating well-priced buffalo flavored snacks.  Maybe even an O'Douls if things get crazy.

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2) The Sochi Olympics - There are a growing number of reasons why I don't want to go to this epic event.  Here are a few:

- Russia's anti-gay law = One word --> disgraceful

- Terrorist threats and Black Widows already on the scene = Not trying to die 

- See below.  The only thing I hate more than discrimination and terrorism is freezing my nads off:

I really do want to go to Russia so bad.  But not this year.  Not these Olympics.  It's too scary and cold for a little wimp like me.  Sometimes it's real nice not to be included.

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