Sochi 2014

It's probably a good thing that the Winter Olympics only happen every 4 years.  

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That's about how long it takes to forget how painfully boring the countless hours of Figure Skating, Ice Dancing, and Pairs Skating is.

Don't get me wrong, I love the downhill ski races, half pipe bad assery, and all that other hardcore stuff, but I simply cannot sit and watch two spandex clad people that aren't even skating for my own country pick their toes against the ice and call it sport.  

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I know it's hard.  I know I couldn't do it.  But I also know I'm not impressed enough to watch it for more than 0.5 seconds.

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Semi-related tangent: A lot of these ice skating couples are real-life lovers.  How do you think that plays out?  The sexual tension could build and build during 9-hour days of training with bodies pressed against one another.  (Come on, we've all seen the Cutting Edge!).  But how in the name of Lycra would that attraction not burst into flames when you see your male dance partner wearing a bedazzled, skin tight costume?

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If it wasn't from the cold of the ice skating arena, that mental image right there would make me lose my lady boner faster than you can say Triple Sow Cow.

Uninvited and A-OK with that

There are two majorly awesome things this year that I am actually really glad I am both financially and invitationally not allowed to go to and here's why:

1) The Super Bowl - Because my beloved Panthers won't be in it and because it will be freezing.  New Jersey in February?  No thank you very much.  I'll be sitting by the fire on my couch eating well-priced buffalo flavored snacks.  Maybe even an O'Douls if things get crazy.

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2) The Sochi Olympics - There are a growing number of reasons why I don't want to go to this epic event.  Here are a few:

- Russia's anti-gay law = One word --> disgraceful

- Terrorist threats and Black Widows already on the scene = Not trying to die 

- See below.  The only thing I hate more than discrimination and terrorism is freezing my nads off:

I really do want to go to Russia so bad.  But not this year.  Not these Olympics.  It's too scary and cold for a little wimp like me.  Sometimes it's real nice not to be included.

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