Happy VDay Hoes

Happy Valentine's Day.

You know what will make your special lady love you forever?

Not getting her a pulsating necklace.

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Have you seen this ridiculousness on TV recently?  

Diamonds in Rhythm TM, Shimmering Diamonds that Follow Your Every Move

AKA, they pulsate.  When your Valentine's Day jewelry comes with a video demonstration, you know it's going to be all class all the way.

Here's a list of characteristics I never wanted in jewelry:

1) For it to follow my every move.

Well, looks like that's the whole list!  I'd rather have a $10 box of chocolates that just sits still until I eat it, than a $800 vibrating, Rose Gold, heart-shaped, 3/8 carat novelty necklace that looks like it'd give you vertigo.  I wonder if batteries are required.

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Love might be in the air, but it is not in that box from Kay Jewelers.  Trust me fellas.

My Thoughts on the Weather, in pictures

This was me Tuesday night:

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This was me last night:

Hopefully this will be me tonight:

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I am working on a little project called Operation Relocate the Hope Diamond.  The cast of characters:

The Hope Diamond.

She has caught a chill and is none too pleased with the lack of power.

 

My parents' beach house.

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And, God willing, working power.

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For Grant.

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For me.

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For the HD.

Wish me luck.  Last time I checked the status of the operation the power was flickering at my parents' place.  Hopefully the operation is a go by COB today.  The Hope Diamond's need for luxury waits for no one!  Not even Mother Nature.

BTW for all the locals in my neighborhood, I just got a call from Duke Power saying that our power will be restored by 11:30PM... ON SATURDAY!!!!!!!

W

T

F

?

!

Tinkle Tinkle Little Star

I'm totally getting this for Jack/Me.  

Weeblock

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Not just to protect me from getting peed on.  But also because it looks like a Yamaka for the baby penis.

Shalom my baby.

Tinkle Tinkle Little Star!

Apple Mug Muffin

In my endless pursuit to exhaust the Internet and simultaneously eat everything I can think of, I have found another delicious and unique little recipe.

This one particularly struck my fancy because it's basically a muffin built for one.  Perfect for the girl who can no more be trusted with an entire dozen of muffins than with the tip of a piece of pizza.  (I think I'm pretty sane in most regards, but I definitely have a disorder in which I have to eat the tips off of pizza slices if I see them sitting idle.  This makes me a most untrustworthy person to split an in-house pizza with).

What we have here is a muffin in a mug.  

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Apple Mug Muffin - recipe from Civilized Caveman Cooking Creations

Ingredients

 

Muffin

• 1 tablespoon grass fed butter (or coconut oil)
• 2 tablespoon unsweetened applesauce (50 grams)
• 1 egg (61 grams)
• 1/4 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 teaspoon maple syrup (10 grams)
• 3 tablespoons almond flour (24 grams) or 2 tablespoons coconut flour
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/8 teaspoon baking powder (homemade)
• Pinch of salt

Streusel Topping

• 1 tablespoon apple, finely chopped
• pinch of crumbled walnuts
• pinch of cold butter

Instructions

Muffin (Microwave)

1. Melt the butter in a microwave safe mug on lower power.
2. Whisk in the applesauce, egg, vanilla and maple syrup until well combined
3. Add almond meal, cinnamon, baking powder, and salt and stir for about 30 seconds.
4. Add streusel topping (optional) and microwave for 1 minute, 10 seconds
5. Let cool for a few minutes and enjoy!

Muffin (Oven)

1. Preheat oven to 350 Degrees Fahrenheit (176 Celsius)
2. Melt your butter and grease your mug
3. Follow steps 2 and 3 and then add your streusel topping (optional)
4. Place your mug(s) on a cookie sheet and bake for 25 minutes

Streusel Topping

1. Combine using your fingertips, then sprinkle on top before microwaving.
2.  

I made it twice.  Both times in the microwave.  I also used 2 Tablespoons of regular flour instead of almond or coconut flour.  Ain't nobody got time for that.  

I also doubled the recipe the second time (but not the butter), seen below, because FEED ME I'M HUNGRY.

I loved it.  It's the perfect warm-your-soul-for-breakfast treat without too much guilt or sweetness and, more importantly, without the dangerous leftover other 11 muffins that you'd have if you made a traditional batch.  

You could customize this with blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, banana, butterscotch, chocolate chips, etc!  Get jiggy wit' it.

Sochi 2014

It's probably a good thing that the Winter Olympics only happen every 4 years.  

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That's about how long it takes to forget how painfully boring the countless hours of Figure Skating, Ice Dancing, and Pairs Skating is.

Don't get me wrong, I love the downhill ski races, half pipe bad assery, and all that other hardcore stuff, but I simply cannot sit and watch two spandex clad people that aren't even skating for my own country pick their toes against the ice and call it sport.  

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I know it's hard.  I know I couldn't do it.  But I also know I'm not impressed enough to watch it for more than 0.5 seconds.

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Semi-related tangent: A lot of these ice skating couples are real-life lovers.  How do you think that plays out?  The sexual tension could build and build during 9-hour days of training with bodies pressed against one another.  (Come on, we've all seen the Cutting Edge!).  But how in the name of Lycra would that attraction not burst into flames when you see your male dance partner wearing a bedazzled, skin tight costume?

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If it wasn't from the cold of the ice skating arena, that mental image right there would make me lose my lady boner faster than you can say Triple Sow Cow.

Be Still My Heart

I'm sure the fact that I have a dog I'm obsessed with and a baby about to be born makes this extra cute to me, but how can you watch this and just not die of preciousness?!

I hope Rosie turns in to the ultimate protector for our baby.  And not an ultimate diva bitch who can't share the spotlight.