What to Expect When You Have Even Marginal Common Sense

The only modern literature I've been reading about being pregnant is What to Expect When You're Expecting.  I say "modern" literature because I have gone some good stuff coming your way from the pregnancies of yester year. 

 

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But honestly, in this world of apps and the Internet, who needs to read 500 pages about non applicable ailments when you just want to feel as normal as possible and not like a rapidly expanding hypochondriac?

 

I prefer not to be told how I'm supposed to be feeling.  I think it's 90% psychological.  I told myself I wasn't tired in the first trimester and I made it to the gym almost everyday.  Granted, I ended up burning like 60 calories in a half hour, but at least I Jedi-mind tricked myself into making it there each time.  That's half the battle.

 

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My whole point, besides to imply that I hate the written word, is that the book is total common sense for the most part.  I did learn to stop using my usual face wash with salicylic acid, which could NOT have come at a worse time since my skin was OOC.  But I got some Cerave and am now dealing with what can only be described as skull-ne.

 

But besides that I learned some really ground breaking things like: Don't do drugs, don't eat raw chicken, don't drink a pitcher of margaritas.

 

I was also able to skip about 300 pages of the book that didn't apply to me like:

-What to do when you are addicted to cocaine and pregnant

-What to do when you have chlamydia and become pregnant

-What to do if you are having sextuplets

 

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So it ended up being a pretty quick read!  Stay tuned for some mind blowing tips from the 40's coming next week.

 

Are there any other pregnancy books you have read that actually taught you a lot?!  I'm open-minded, but with a strong preference for Television, so make it count!

 

Animal Arithmetic

I saw this license plate, not surprisingly, as I was leaving the Vet's office yesterday picking up some medicine for my baby girl, Ro Ro.

 

Rosie has been experiencing her menses for the last 2 weeks.  It's been a really interesting experience for us all.  But do not ask her about, she's not ready to talk about it.

 

Don't be ashamed Rosie.  You're a woman now!

 

The medicine I was getting was actually for heart worms.  I just thought I'd take this opportunity to over share about my dog's menstrual cycle.

 

So, the license plate.

 

 

 

The only thing I can say to this is...Actually, it does not equal that?  I looked it up.  Kid is not even another word for a horse, baby or otherwise.

 

Sure I'm basically letting my dog use my entire house as a her personal maxi pad.  And sure I've wished more times than not that I could carry her around in a Baby Bjorn.  And I feed her more organic food than I feed myself.  But that's Rosie.  She isn't even my kid.  She's my princess.

 

 

 

You can't fit a horse in a Baby Bjorn.  You can't cradle it in your arms and tell it everything is going to be alright.  You can't fit in a makeshift hammock that you make with a combination of your legs and a Snuggie.

 

 

It's just not the same.  HRSE does not = Kid.

Push Presents - Love 'Em or Leave 'Em (or don't have a choice)?

Let me preface this by saying I won't be getting one.  My husband has already told me that he will never, ever support the concept.  Fine by me.  Why would I want him to spend a bunch of our money on something materialistic for me when we need to be saving for our baby's future - both far, like college, and near...like poop catchers.

 

I already told him I'd be more than delighted with a fully loaded Italian sub for my push present.  9 months is about 9 months too long to go without my favorite mixed medley of Italian meats.  Fatties, am I right!?

 

Hello, gorgeous.

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Wine, sure I miss you.  Beer, shockingly I haven't thought about you much.  Deli meats - my heart yearns for you!!!

 

Anyway, back to the ridiculous modern invention at hand: Push Presents.  Whoever invented this is some sort of evil genius.  In fact, if it wasn't so new I'd swear my grandmother did it.  Or really any of a number of cunning rich white people I know.  I'm talking diamonds, gold, and other jewels, not just a new pair of pajamas.

 

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That being said, if anyone who thinks they need/want/deserve a lavish push present and you need to be humbled, check out this board post from my "birth club" on Baby Center.  Some are very own to earth and non materialistic, and some are just plain cut throat:

 

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"My push present was my daughter. I don't need or want my husband to buy me anything for having our child."

 

"I think it's pretty dumb. You were just gifted the most amazing thing ever and now you husband is supposed to go out and buy you something as some sort of thank you or whatever...dumb and superficial. I have a friend that obsesses over it and I want to punch her in the face every time she mentions it. I am choosing to have this baby, right? I don't need a thank you, I have my baby...that I wanted."

 

And my favorite:

 

" Honestly, I didn't get a push present and didn't want one. I did however give my husband a present for putting up with a psychotic wife during the 9 months lol this pregnancy,

 

Now let me switch gears for a minute and be one of those needy snobs.  I just realized that, like her mom, my baby is going to have a semi-precious stone for her birth stone.  If it's a boy, no big whoop (unless he's a fabulous gay man).  But if it's a girl, my apologies in advance.  Don't get me wrong, aquamarines are pretty and they make my eyes pop.  And your husband and parents are probably going to be much more likely to getting you a birth stone if it cost less than renting a bouncy house.  But sometimes a lady wants a compelling reason to be gifted a sapphire or diamond.  My birthstone may be semi-precious but I'm all the way precious.  It just seems like a mismatch.

 

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Ok, now I'm back to being "down to earth". ;)

Ice Cream Sundays - Peanut Butter Jam Session

 

 

I'm not sure what I was expecting, because this flavor is clearly called Peanut Butter Jam Session, but I was really surprised when it tasted like Peanut Butter and Jelly for some reason.

 

I guess I thought it was going to taste like Peanut Butter and Rock and Roll.  Not sure what that would be like, but I was intrigued.

 

That being said, it was really tasty, but I prefer my Peanut Butter and Jelly in the authentic form - on white bread so it can stick to the roof of your mouth and give you a fun, temporary lisp.

 

This one just made me confused.  Fun to try, but won't go in regular rotation.

 

Summary:

Flavors Tried - 45

Favorite Flavors  - Rockin' Blondies

Ghetto Jewels and Edible Gold

When I was in Houston last weekend my sister took me to this most ghetto-fabulous "jewelry store".  I think it was called Accessory Warehouse.  It was like the Taj Mahal of cheap jewelry.  And it was amazing.  I got 5 pieces of J.Crew looking jewelry for $35 TOTAL!

 

They also had important necklace messages like this:

 

 

I think there was another one with something like "I'll Cut a Bitch" on it.  But I didn't spring for that one either. 

 

Even though the place smelled like a combination of cigarettes and child labor, we decided that even if the jewelry disintegrated before we even got to our cars it was still a better deal than jewelry from C. Wonder of J. Crew.

 

 

Speaking of that trip, did you know that Delta still serves snacks on the plane?!?!  I was blown away when I was offered my choice of complimentary pretzels, peanuts, or cookies.  I also think the disgruntled flight attendant was blown away when my answer was "Yes."  I was hoping to get all 3 but had to settle for just the savory delights.  2 is better than 1 though!  Especially if you are a ravenous prisoner to the air.

 

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I got the Biscoff cookies on my second flight, which reminded me of this Biscoff Cookie Spread, which I immediately bought more of at World Market, which remains the best thing ever.  Get some today!

 

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Ginger Oh Snap

When I asked my doctor a couple of months ago what natural suggestions there are to curb morning sickness, he recommended "anything ginger".  I love Ginger Ale so that was a no brainer.  I've been enjoying that stuff for months.

 

One day after work, however, when I was feeling particularly bad (it's true that it is NOT just in the mornings), I went to the grocery store across the street from my office to try some Ginger Snaps.

 

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My house is about 20 minutes away from my office/the grocery store.  I'm sure you can see where this is going...

 

I told myself I was going to just eat one serving to see if it helped me feel better.  It was right before dinner, after all.

 

Well that will power lasted all of 60 seconds, or 400 yards out of the grocery store parking lot, whichever came faster.

 

I ended up eating almost the whole bag on my way home.  And the part that I didn't eat ended up in my cup holder, my seat, and my crotch, because the entire bag ripped in half not long after my departure.  It was one of the scarier food episodes I've ever had, with myself.

 

Just the tip of the crumbly iceberg.

 

Needless to say, the Ginger Snaps did not make me feel better.  In fact they made me feel much, much worse.  I couldn't eat dinner that night I felt so sick and ashamed and diabetic.  G'Snaps will definitely go on the list of things I will never, ever eat again.  Along with Diet Mountain Dew.  But that's a whole different story.

 

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Long story short, Ginger Snaps will only make you feel better if you eat a few, not an entire bag.  I assume, I've never done anything in moderation.  I'm an all or nothing kind of beast.