Homemade Joke

What's the hardest thing to get into, the least fun thing to get out of, but the best thing to be in?

Answer: here

Does it take anyone else 2+ hours sometimes to fall asleep? I swear I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy...and I have a LOT of enemies.

Quote of the Day

"I'm too tired to slap you, bash your face against my palm."

Someday I'll Fly Away

I think I have discovered the most UN-SEXY sport in the world.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wingsuit_flying

Wingsuit Flying. Where grown men waste money on bird-like suits and convince themselves that they are actually flying.

I know that usually extreme sports and the athletes who do them have a certain allure or sex appeal to them.

I do not believe that that allure exists with wingsuit flying.

Something about an adult male spending time and money on pretending to fly really turns me off. I don't want to go on dates with birds, so why would I want to go on a date with a man pretending to be one?

In fact, I'd rather go on a date with Penguin from the Batman movie than with some grown ass man wearing a damn bird suit.

If you want to see this ridiculousness in action, check out a video here.

Fatty Fat Fat

Too far America. Too far.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/foodanddrinknews/7973944/Deep-fried-beer-invented-in-Texas.html

Deep fried beer. When regular beer isn't bad enough for you.

Gym Germs

I'm starting to get really annoyed with all the germaphobes at the gym.

I see people who wipe down their machines with spray, towel, and wipes before and after they use a weight machine.

I see people bathing themselves in hand sanitizer when entering and leaving the gym.

To these people I have to say, if you are that scared of gym germs, then rent a workout DVD for your home.

There used to be this really hot guy that I stared at while on the elliptical machine across the room. But after a few months, when I saw his incessant wiping, cleaning, and sanitizing of everything he touched, I totally lost (creepy staring) interest. I am not a fan of dainty men.

Be a man! Embrace the germs.

Then me a human, go home, wash your hands, and take a shower. 15 minutes of not being sanitized never killed anyone. (Actually it probably did, but not gym-related I bet).

I think the world has gone nuts with hand sanitizer.

Me? I'm not a fan. I hate the smell and I have yet to see any proof that it's not just a more lubricated way to rub around the same germs over and over again all over your hands.

Obviously I'm not going to go around rubbing my face on the gym mats or putting my fingers in my eyes after using a weight machine, but have mercy. If you're at the gym, you're going to get a little dirty. And if you don't, then you're probably doing something wrong!

I heart germs.

Quote of the Day

"A magician, like a prostitute, never reveals her tricks."