December 16, 2013

How to Un-House Train Your Dog

Step 1: Assume that since she is 11 months old and has rarely peed in the house, and that she is the cutest dog ever, that she is and will forever be perfect.
A lady likes nice things.  And lots and lots of blankets.
Step 2: Get her spayed.
Step 3: Give her a full day of surgery to be the saddest, most pitiful thing ever.
The sadness and confusion was palpable.
Step 4: Treat her like a gentle angel.  Give her a raw hide bone that was sent to her in the mail to show her she is special and deserves treats.
Step 5: Watch as she mauls the raw hide bone all day long and then subsequently drinks an ungodly amount of water. 
Step 6: Take her out the usual 10 times a day that seems pretty generous for any pet.
Step 7: Step in a big puddle of her pee.  Take her out again.
Step 8: Wait 15 minutes and find another puddle of pee on your rug. 
Step 9: Scratch your head and think, WTF, Rosie!?  I thought we had a deal.  Hello, see Step #1!
Melancholy and the infinite sadness.
 Step 10: Wake up around 3am to your husband cursing at the pee puddle by his feet in bed.  He he.  Laugh a little to yourself that she has only ever peed on his side.
Step 11: Enjoy this rare moment of sleeping alone while he moves to the couch, even though it means that you are sleeping with no covers because they are in the wash.
Step 12-15: Blame it on the raw hide, blame it on the surgery, blame it on the rain.  Something is not the same with your dog.  She officially thinks the office is her personal toilet and the bed is her own pee pad. 
Step 16: Be a little devastated because your angel baby is not, in fact perfect.  Even 2 weeks post-surgery.  Ask for help or tips on how to get back to Step 1.
Anyone!?  Tips?!  Suggestions!?  I want my perfect dog back.  Not just because I don't like stepping in pee.  I also am not a big fan of washing my sheets every other day and sleeping in fear of Rosie wetting the bed. 

She has a shoe fetish with only my shoes.  Some dogs like to eat shoes.  Rosie like to use them as pillows :)
 Hopefully with time her habits will go back to the ladylike manner in which I had become accustomed.  Until then, baby girl is going to be limited to a survival-only water supply.

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