March 20, 2013

I'm So Not a Barbie Girl

Have you seen these people recently?:
 
 
Yes those are real people.  They are known as the "Real Life Ken and Barbie" and, quite frankly, they terrify me.
 
Care to know more?  Read this article here about how they recently met each other and "hated the site of each other."  I guess it takes a crazy to know and hate a crazy!
 
My mom also gave me her copy of "The Week" recently in which Barbie, real name Valeria Lukyanova, says that she feels sorry for women who are unhappy with their lives.  "They are sitting at home making cabbage soup.  I feel sorry for them."
 
Yea, faux Barbie.  Because those are the only two options.  Being a stay-at-home-cabbage-soup-maker, or transforming yourself into a genetically impossible plastic doll. 
 
What happens if this nutjob gets a zit on her perfectly porcelain skin?  The original Barbie didn't come with Clearasil now did she?  I bet Ken doesn't like that one little bit.
 
Also, she has maintained her figure by subsisting on nothing but fruit and vegetable juices for the past year.  And if that doesn't make you angry enough, she goes on to say, "In recent weeks I have not been hungry at all; I'm hoping it's the final stage before I can subsist on air and light alone." 
 
So even though she may be delusional and fake, at least she's rational. 
 
 

November 29, 2012

Barbie's Secret to Success

Oh 1960's Barbie.  This is rich.  Barbie's Secret to Dieting.

To learn the secrets read this article.  Then buy a scale that doesn't go over 110 pounds.
 

Bitch please.

The best part of this story is not just that they remade the version to include a diet book with one simple rule: Stop Eating.  It's that they renamed her to Barbie Sleepytime Gal.  That sounds like a direct English translation I saw in Buenos Aires once, Big Sexy Jeans.
 
Source
 
Never gonna happen!
 
Now we know the secrets to Barbie's ageless beauty.  Don't eat!  Never weigh over 110 pounds, and a tight weave!  That seems really realistic and healthy.
 
Source