Baby Daddy Gold

Anyone who has been reading my blog since the beginning might remember a few posts I did about the mind blowingly amazing observations that my husband Grant made about my outfits.

 

Well, he's back.  And it's still unintentionally hilarious, but this time about babies.  Here is a list of a few gems I've heard in the last 6 weeks of Katie's life:

 

1) I asked him a few weeks back to do a little tummy time with Katie while I fed Jack dinner at my parents' house.  His response was, "I really don't feel like taking my shirt off right now in front of everyone."

 

Apparently Grant thinks that tummy time is the same thing as skin to skin contact.  But the fact that he didn't even give it an outright NO at the time is commendable.

 

2) When Jack was little he slept in a Rock N' Play for one week and then I started putting him in the crib, never really rocking him, he always went straight to sleep, and I never looked back.  I kept telling Grant how nervous I was that Katie doesn't like the crib at all and I can't just throw her in there and make her sleep for a few hours.

 

To which he told me, "Marilyn, she's not a crock pot!"

 

I am still trying to make her a crock pot.  But it's not happening.

 

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3) One of my sweet friends who also had a baby recently sent me some delicious lactation cookies which were actually extremely delicious.  Grant, AKA the Cookie Monster, couldn't resist them and started eating a few.  When I told him they were lactation cookies he freaked out, "Am I going to start leaking milk out of my nipples!?"

 

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This reminded me of a friend in college who read on her birth control that "stopping this medicine may cause pregnancy" and thought that meant that she would experience immaculate conception just from not taking the medicine.

 

4) Someone dropped some bows off at our door from the church a few weeks back.  I showed them to Grant and said they were cute.  He asked me, "What are these?"  He literally didn't know what a bow was.  A true child of 4 boys.  I can't wait until the first time Katie paints his nails over a cup of pretend tea.

 

I have an amazing picture somewhere of my dad wearing lots of clips in his hair.  Which he agreed too only for a back rub when I was younger.  Although I'm sure he would still go for that deal now.  The man is a sucker for a back rub.

 

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5) That time he told me he was tired.  He started talking and I truly couldn't hear him because of the vent in the bathroom, but I told him straight up, "I feel like you are going to start comparing our levels of tired, and that is just not a safe place to go right now". 

 

You have to be honest in a relationship, lest you get the urge to cut a bitch in his full nights sleep after you've woken up 5 times already.

 

 

Side note: They say the second child gets screwed and just has to do whatever the older child does and adhere to his schedule, but this is a picture of my oldest child playing with a flyswatter on top of a collapsed empty box of diapers while his little sister sleeps.  I'd say the neglect goes both ways.

 

 

Same Sex

Conservatives are wrong.  Same sex relationships aren't just OK, they are magnificent.

 

 

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Ever since I had a baby, every time I would be up breastfeeding at all hours of the night and confined to my quarters during the day, I would think about my gay friend who has a baby with his partner.  Neither one of them could ever assume the other one was going to be the one staying up all night because neither one was breastfeeding. 

 

The lack of expectation that one person is mostly in charge sounded so liberating and fair.  Suddenly I found myself wanted to be a gay man every night between the hours of 11pm and 7am. 

 

I sort of forgot about this whole theory once Jack started sleeping a lot more, I started using formula, and Grant could help me all of the time.

 

Then I spent a week with one of my best friends and our babies, without our husbands.  We spent the whole week making solid plans for the day, preparing dinner while our babies were sleeping, and just generally being perfectly organized and supportive of one another.

 

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Now I want to be a lesbian. 

 

It is so nice to be with someone whose interests and passions in life don't involve exclusively being away from other humans (i.e., fishing, kayaking hunting, etc.).  And to eat dinner with someone who doesn't require at least two sides with dinner.

 

I am, perhaps unfortunately, straight.  So this won't work for me in the long run.  But it has been so refreshing to spend a week with a woman. 

Dollar Baby

Recently I heard a mom tell her daughter that she wanted to sell her for a dollar on Craigslist.

 

I know, really sweet right?

 

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That's offensive not just because the mother clearly wanted to get rid of her daughter at that particular time which was awkward for everyone patronizing our local Zoe's Kitchen.  But also because she was only going to give her up for a measly dollar bill.  That cannot be good for a child's self esteem.  If you are going to sell your child at least try to get top dollar! 

You Like That Daddy?

What is the deal with new parents calling each other "Mommy" and "Daddy" in front of other people. And what the hell is the deal with new parents calling each other that when their baby isn't even present?

As I have mentioned, I self-hatedly watch Bethenny Ever After and those two fools call each other Mommy and Daddy almost exclusively. Even if they are with other adults, and no baby.

It all gives me the creeps. But it also reminds me of this funny from Friends.

Those crazy kids make a good point New Parents. Try calling each other by your grownup names when you're with other adults!

And please if you ever catch me doing this when I have kids give me a nice hard bitchslap across the face.