July 26, 2016

Surprise! You're a parent

Parenthood is full of surprises.  And I'm not just talking about the surprise of how much you will love your child.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I saw that coming.  I'm talking about the other "surprises" that affect your general being in ways you never could have expected.



Some of things that have taken me by surprise since becoming a parent are the following:

- The line at Chik Fila is never, ever, ever not long.  Even at 3pm when you think you will beat the crowd.  Even at 10:20 before they even start serving lunch.  But especially at 11:30 when you have a hangry toddler in the back seat crying for his "milky".  And of course at 5:30 when you want to get your kid and babysitter dinner and you show back up to your house after the babysitter gets there and just before you've eaten all your kids' fries.

- How long you can hold your bladder without peeing in your pants.  When you are out on the town with a toddler who has learned how to crawl under the bathroom stalls and away from you, you have a 30 second window to use the bathroom before they stop thinking toilet paper rolls are fun and flee the scene.  When you have a baby and a toddler, you are just totally screwed and might have to hold it until you become nauseous.

- You really need only 3 hours of good sleep to survive life.  And if you get 5+ you are Sleeping Beauty.

- Kids really do say the darnedest things.  Just this week I had Jack point out every single one of my spider veins on my legs and say, "Oh no, boo boo!"  And then a separate young child asked my if I was having a baby because my "tummy was so big".  I shutter at the thought of a full vocabulary from two children and the sweet things they might say to me then. 

- Toddlers are selfish monsters.  What's theirs is theirs and what's yours is definitely also theirs.  I could spend all afternoon making Jack a kid friendly meal for dinner that he usually loves.  But he will feed it to the dog in a heartbeat if it means he can steal my lettuce.

- As much as you can enjoy your children, when they are both asleep at the same time, there is no greater feeling of accomplishment in life.  And then the exact moment you sit down, one wakes up.

And finally,

- There simply isn't enough wine in the world. 

The surprises keep coming!!

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