Proper Diva

Mariah must really want my forgiveness for taking back her title of Diva. And can I just say that she is doing everything right.

She is truly embodying the essence of Diva here. Bravo!

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Bonus

The best part of watching a brand new DVD version of Glitter is that I can now use the packing label as my book mark.

Ironic fact, I am reading "How to Practice the Way to a Meaningful Life" by the the Dalai Lama.

Me thinks even His Holiness, as enlightned and all-knowing as he is, would not approve of this bookmark.

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New Year, New Woman

Despite my last post about maintaining my unremarkable figure, I won't be taking my own advice this year.

As some of you ladies and gentle-ladies know, I'm getting my marriage on this year.

Thus, I have to be my most beautiful, most confident, and most non-spanx-wearing self by June.

I'm fixin' to WORK IT down the aisle and feel damn good about myself, so as of midnight tonight, food is my frenemy.

As any good bride knows, less is more and food is stupid. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to stop eating, but I am kissing the days of a weekly slice of 'zza and a bi-nightly glass of wine goodbye.

If I run into you and I'm not constantly doing lunges, feel free to smack me upside the head. I'ma be flexin' it in my sleep and elevating my heartrate throughout the day.

http://popup.lala.com/popup/504684639485077665

This song is in no way a reflection of my relationship with food or my fiance, but I think it's beautiful, so enjoy!

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Sharing the wealth

People always ask me how I maintain my totally unremarkable figure. Well, to be honest, it's hard, but I'll share my secrets here, for 'tis the season.

First, and most importantly, start your day off healthy! Eat yogurt, fruit, or something else sensible that will make you feel great for the rest of the day.

Then, if you can wait until lunch, have a salad!! Yum...lettuce and a good dressing and protein...satisfaction guaranteed!

Next, if there is a snack, say in the communal break room, walk by that at least 10 times in the afternoon nibbling off a little bite everytime. As long as you don't take a big portion of whatever it is, it doesn't really count...duh!!

After work, you know this diva be hittin' the gym. Work it out girls! Nothing too strenuous, you definitely don't want to break a nail!

...Phew, finally, you're home!! Have a sensible dinner and a glass of wine. You deserve it!

An hour later, have seconds. Of everything.

Next morning, no harm done. You've most likely neither gained nor lost a pound.

Then, and this is the most important part, eat lots and lots on the weekend. If you're not careful, you might end up losing a pound this week and no one average girl wants that!

Find something to nosh on all weekend and stick to. Perservere diva! Even if you don't liike it, just keep eating. This is the key to keeping your profile low, and your weight right at average.

Trust me ladies. It's a tried and true secret! But shhh, it really is a secret!

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Disbelief

Thanks to the strong urging of a dear, dear friend, I have decided to give Mariah another chance in 2010.

However, after watching Glitter last night, given to me by said dear, dear friend, I am going to accept Mariah back in to my life, not as a diva, but as a comedian.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find all of my favorite pictures from this epic film online, but thankfully my #1 fave, Mariah (aka Billie Frank) in a rally cap, made it to the blog!

This movie is truly unbelievable. Honestly, her acting isn't even as bad as I thought it would be. But the featured "sensational performances from music superstars Eric Benet and Da Brat" really speak volumes about the quality of the plot line, which I'm not even going to attempt to comment on. It's untouchable.

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Happy New Years Divas

My new year's resolution for the general public is to stop documenting your addiction to ambien and adderall on facebook.

It's cool if that's your thing, but it should just be "your thing". Not your your thing with your 1,000 best friends.

You'll thank me later when you try to join the CIA and they do a background check.

Happy 2010!!!

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