Busy Bee + Bachelor

Oh my busy.

Two of my coworkers are gone at the same time and it is wreaking havoc on my ability to blog and stay connected. But at least not on my ability to watch The Bachelor at night!

That girl in the red dress who tried to dry hump Ben at the cocktail party was so painfully awkward. She did something that is hard to achieve = Made me feel so uncomfortable that I was embarrassed to be around people, and I was just by myself. Basically she embarrassed me in front of myself. That's hard to do.

She should have just quit while she was prudish and behind. At least that way she could have kept her dignity instead of ensuring that no guy will ever want to sleep with her again after the episode airs. Much less attempt to "talk dirty". Because if she wasn't already going to get sent home for lack of communication and connection, then it was definitely going to be for attempting the most awkward unwelcome lap dance in Bachelor history.

Semi-related, I have decided that Courtney wouldn't seem like such a sociopath if she didn't keep scrunching up her lips like she was about to turn into the exorcist and attack a bitch.

It's getting down to the nitty gritty. Only 6 more ladies and what will somehow be stretched into 10 more episodes to go!

Ice Cream Sundays - Cookie Dough

This flavor was really good. Simple and good. I really love Vanilla Ice Cream so this had a base I knew I was going to love. I also love cookie dough chunks so it was just a great match.

The only thing I would change about this flavor would be to make the Cookie Dough balls bigger. I would prefer that I got a few chews per ball then to take the chance of having the ball slip down my gullet before I even get a chance to bite and taste it. When it comes to life, that is just not a risk I am willing to take.

I'd definitely get this again. Like I said, it was simple and good. That's how I like things most of the time!

Summary:

Flavors Tried - 16

Pounds Gained - 0

Favorite Flavors - Cinnamon Buns & Strawberry Cheesecake (I was recently told by a friend that he was disappointed in Cinnamon Buns and thought it was inferior to Strawberry Cheesecake, so I added SC back to the favorites so that I can't be held personally responsible for one's unsatisfactory ice cream purchase.)

Dry Shampoo 4Eva

Dry Shampoo Saved My Life.

It's dramatic, but it's true. Have you ever heard of Dry Shampoo before? I'm pretty sure I'm behind the better part of a decade on this one, but I have to throw this out there to those lost, greasy-headed souls who need a solution. I understand you. I was you.

...until last month when I bought dry shampoo at the urging of a hair stylist who gasped in HORROR when I told her at a cocktail party that I've never had a Brazilian Blow Out and that I didn't know what dry shampoo was.

After fruitlessly looking around the hair care aisle of Target for about 30 minutes (what would a dry shampoo look like anyway?! Is it liquid? Is it powder?), I finally found a bottle of it. It turns out it's a spray, by the way. I decided to buck up and buy in the $8 range instead of the $4 range, because I loathe the smell of baby powder and just couldn't take that risk.

I lucked out and ended up with a brand that doesn't smell like baby powder. And after spraying the hellll out of my hair with it, I watched in amazement as my greasy limp noodles were refreshed into a dry, voluminous head of hair.

Now I use it in the evening if I have an event and don't have time to shower. (It should be noted that an "event" in my life is drinking wine on someone's back porch with finger foods...but still, gotta freshen up the mane).

I also have a confession. This morning, after being way too tired and lazy after last night's concert, I didn't shower this morning! I just sprayed more dry shampoo in. This is noteworthy because this is just NOT something I can get away with. My hair is so naturally oily that it starts getting greasy before it even dries after I shampoo it. No joke.

Now, after I work out today, I can shower without feeling over-productive. (I really hate taking 2 showers in one day.)

Is it weird that my hair looks better 2 days old with dry shampoo than it does fresh out the shower? Wait, don't answer that!

Now, if only they made the dry shampoo version of soap, I'd never have to shower again!

Music and Butts

Last night I went to a Robert Earl Keen concert. It was really fun and I loved the music. But, as happens during most instances in which I exist, something strange happened.

First there was just this in the bathroom:

Luckily it didn't affect me because this was just a standard #1 situation. But my heart went out to those in the past and the future who come rushing into the bathroom with an emergency "situation", only to be greeted by this sign. It's bad enough when something like that happens in public. To further know that you are going to wreak havoc on the internal plumbing of the entire concert community is just heartbreaking.

I'm pretty sure the saying "Ignorance Is Bliss" came from someone who wished they didn't know that they were about to blow up a plumbing system in a public venue.

The next weirdness came at the tail end of the night. I was standing next to my friends and my husband. And a VERY creepy couple who had seemed content to keep to themselves all night while sexually body grooving throughout the whole show...Until the last few songs.

That was when the man of the couple asked me if I would smack his wife in the ass, because "she was really in to that sort of thing." I politely declined, because I am not a sexual/social deviant. And because, EWWW.

Then he asked Grant if he would smack his girlfriend's ass. "Come on. Just do it."

This is when things got a little dicey. The G-Man isn't the best at saying no. And, although Thank heavens he didn't smack the random girl's butt, he did decide that the next best option to appease the swinger/man in question was to hit ME in the butt.

Oohhh HELL NO!

We immediately left after that. Me, with a stinging butt cheek. And Grant with an involuntary lesson on when it is absolutely imperative to learn to say No to strange, swinger men. (Answer: When it involves smacking your wife in the butt.)

I also saw a guy in the front who did not stop doing the "cowabunga" movement with his right hand the entire show. I'd bet my life that that man is currently suffering from the world's most severe hand cramp ever today.

Total Recall - Baby Edition

I was watching the news Today Show this morning when I saw a brief segment about the Pfizer recall of approximately 1 million birth control packets. Article: here. And by brief I do mean brief, maybe the segment lasted 10 seconds?

That's not a whole lot of time to break it down to a woman that she might be accidentally pregnant. Good morning!

I was actually on the Arc Trainer at the gym when I saw this on TV. It's a good thing I don't take that birth control, because I would have fallen right off of that machine if I'd just heard word, via the 3rd tier morning-news host, that I might be about to have a baby, by accident. And not even my accident! The accident of multi-billion dollar company that's sole purpose is to develop and distribute safe prescription pills.

Not cool, Pfizer. Not cool. I'm pretty sure that's not how family planning is supposed to go. Mazel mazel to the new moms out there!

It's Personal and It's Free

Guess what?! I got a personal trainer.

And the best part is that it's free!

Ok, that's not entirely true. The free part is. Just not the part about getting a personal trainer.

I did, however, develop a diabolical scheme to get free expert advice from personal trainers without having to pay a penny.

I just started working out in the mornings the last couple of weeks and by doing so, I discovered a goldmine of free fitness advice. It turns out that morning are when most of the group and personal training sessions occur.

Here's how it works: I pound out some cardio for about 30-40 minutes on a machine that has a perfect view of the weight/training area of the gym. I study and memorize all of the moves that the clients do with their trainers, while playing dumb and pretending to watch the Today Show.

I particularly like the exercises that don't involve specialized weights. That way I can do the routines at home and no one will know that I'm stealing classified information.

It may sound like a pretty dishonest plan, and I don't know how much a personal trainer cost, but I know it's more than free, so I'm willing to look past the morality of my new fitness regime.

I had my first "session" last night while watching the Bachelor and doing all sorts of push ups and lunges, and I am sore! This is already proving to be the most efficient fitness regime ever. I get to work out while watching epic shows like the Bachelor and Biggest Loser, and I get to keep all my money!

Free tickets to the gun show!