I fell

2 nights ago I went to a restaurant with my mom and I slipped on my way to the bathroom. I subsequently fell on my ass and got dirty mop water on my hands and shorts. That’s when I heard, “Woooah, Are you ok?” An employee who was mopping up the floor (and who looked like Milky from Me, Myself, and Irene) said, “I was, like, JUST about to put the Wet Floor Sign on the ground.”

Too bad for me it hadn’t just already done it.

It hurt my right buttcheek and my pride, but mostly it reminded me of an even worse fall that happened when I was in college. I was at Outback Steakhouse on a date (a classy date, clearly). I went to the bathroom and as I was coming out, I slipped on something and slid across the floor of the bar area until I was almost right underneath a bar stool that someone was sitting on.

It hurt SOOOO bad but was even more embarrassing than painful. I eventually got up, fought back tears, and hobbled back to my table. I had decided I was going to play it cool and not tell my date that I just busted my ass in front of an entire chain restaurant, so I just sat there and resumed eating my Bloomin’ Onion.

All was going well until the manager of the Outback came up to me and asked me if I was alright. Then, not only did I have to explain to my date that I had fallen, badly, I also had to tell the manager the make and model of my flip flops, if I was injured, and whether or not I was going to sue.

Of course I did not want to sue. I really just wanted to stop talking about my epic fall at the local Outback and move on with my life. That was made slightly difficult by the subsequent letters I received from Outback’s lawyers and insurance companies over the next few months, but eventually I got past it.

Chick Beer!

Oh my, my, my.

This is too much. Chick beer. http://chickbeer.com/

I love the catch tag, "Finally, a beer just for women."

Because Michelob Ultra, MGD 64, and But Select 55, and Mike's Hard Lemonade aren't enough?

"The bottle is designed to reflect the beautiful shape of a woman in a little black dress. The six-pack looks like you are carrying your beer in a hip stylish, purse. Chick’s unique reflective bottle blings you up! It’s fun, fabulous, and female!"

This is amazing because it implies that it is normal, nay stylish, to carry beer around in your purse. I'm pretty sure that's the sign of a good time a serious alcohol problem.

Kind of cute idea either way. The little black beer dress is timeless.

No Power = No Blog

Sorry for the radio silence people. I was without power/Internet access until last night. Thanks to this little tree stump...

Which was connected to this not so little tree....which karate chopped our power line and took our power for 3 days.

FYI, playing dominoes outside by the light of a faux lantern is not as fun as it looks. When there are no lights in the nearby vacinity and you have the only light a bug can see, you and your flesh are going to be pretty popular.

Huggy Bear

Oh Mariah? What have you gotten yourself into?

http://www.rap-up.com/2011/08/20/nick-cannon-attempts-to-break-world-hugging-record/

Your much younger husband not only attempted to break the world record for the most hugs given, he failed. By 52 hugs. I'd rather fail by 200. 52 is just annoying.

“He embraced everyone from kids and adults to men in drag and pets.”

At least it was for a good cause. For every hug he gave, a toy was donated to the Mets Care Room at the New York Hospital of Queens. Now that is awesome.

I guess when you are married to the primo diva in the pop world, you have to get attention in whatever outlandish way you can think of.

0 MPH

Screw hybrid and electric.

Walking with a helmet is the new "green."

I saw this biker chick in line at Costco. She was standing in line on foot while her husband waited behind her on the hog.

Maybe she just needed a stretch. But either way, it's always funny to see someone standing in line at a gas pump with no vehicle to speak of.

Diveats - Pesto, Caprese Crostinis

This combination is kind of my go-to summer appetizer...that I've only made twice.

First I buy that stuff above (tomatoes, pesto, and mozzarella). Then I cut up a french baguette into slices and brush with some olive oil. Bake the slices at 350 degrees for about 10 minutes, or until the bread slices get a little golden brown.

After the bread is a little toasted, spread each slice with a some pesto. Not a ton, just a lil' spread worth. Then top with a tomato slice and a slice of mozzarella cheese.

Be careful. Hot plate! Hot plate!

Pop back the baking sheet back in the oven for about 5-10 minutes, until the cheese is melty but not oozing. Don't forget, you are going to be serving this in your house and you don't want cheese drops and tomato splooges all over the floor.



Last step: Put on a purdy platter and serve!

A wonderful summer treat for wonderful summer cocktail guests!