To be young

This makes me giggle for some reason. It really shows my personality, even today.

To clarify, when asked "If you could change any one thing about the way you look, what would it be? Why?"

My answer: "I wouldn't change anything because I like the way I am. I don't think I'm pretty or anything. I think that is sort of a bad question to ask."

First of all, if asked the same question today, I would probably have the same answer. I have always been confident in my person with no concrete confidence in my looks and a feminist with no feminist convictions.

I basically just said, I like myself but I'm not great. That's a bad question for no reason. Now leave me alone.

Essentially, I've always been neither here nor there. I'm not conceited, but I don't want to change. I'm offended by superficial questions like that, but I will do nothing to change the way society forces women to over-analyze their looks. Basically just a lazy, plain Jane who likes being plain.

Second of all, judging by this handwriting, I was at least passed 3rd grade (when I learned cursive) and before 9th grade (when I totally gave up on cursive). Who asks this kind of thing to middle schoolers? I still think this is a TERRIBLE question to ask a young person.

Teachers should be asking, "What do you love about your personality and intelligence and how can you use it to better the world?" Not, "What do you hate about your looks you not-yet-developed pre-teen?"

But, much like in the 90's when I wrote this, I not going to do a thing about it!

To Be Young

This is the second-to-last thing I have marked to share with you from my baby box. I might have to scrounge up some more memories if you guys have enjoyed this segment.

This memory is actually from a church newsletter. It shows how I rose to fame in the Advent Workshop of 1991...wearing high-waisted jeans and a homemade shirt with painted leafs pressed on it.

Now, why someone would put this in a newsletter is beyond me. Besides the obvious fashion mistakes, my eyes are 100% closed and I'm not even smiling.

My facial expression and hand placement make it look like I am cringing, whilst placing my right hand into a box of mud and worms.

Surely there was another youngster at the workshop that made for a cuter photo subject? Or perhaps it was just a slow year for the paper wreath corner of that particular early-nineties Advent Workshop. Truly one of history's great mysteries.

Oh to be young...and superficial

This is one of the more unusual things I found in the baby box that my mom gave me recently. A letter to my parents from camp:

I know that was the summer that I had a broken wrist, so I can understand updating them on the health of my arm. But look closely. I actually mention that I broke a nail, but it is ok because it was only one and it "wasn't important".

Oh my stars. I actually wrote home from camp to tell me parents that I broke a nail.

You know, this whole Diva thing has always been a joke because I am not a diva at all. In fact I can be quite manish at times.

But apparently there was more truth to it in my younger years. Lil' Marilyn did NOT like to mess up her nails apparently!

Wow I bet my mom was so relieved to get that information.

Kids say the most superficial darndest things!

To Be Young

More stuff from the box! This was a little farewell sheet I made in 5th grade, in which it becomes pretty clear that 5th grade was not my finest year. In addition to being sent to the Principal's office that year...

I became very fond of pizza and R&B.

Also, my favorite subjects were Art and P.E. (Physical Education). It wasn't until years later that I would see the irony in this, as I went on to fail at every sport I ever tried and only created "art" like the multi-colored clay nightmare pictured below.

And also, my favorite day of the week was Friday. It still is! And my favorite season was summer. (Not so much anymore. Once my 5th grade metabolism went out the window, so did my affection for the bikini-wearing season).

CrapAbstract Art. Seriously, this is borderline "special needs" art.



So to recap, in 5th grade, I was a pizza-loving wigger who only liked classes in which I didn't have to exercise my brain, whilst living for the freakin' weekend and summer break.

Some things never change. And although my love for TLC has waned over the last 2 decades, my love for Boyz II Men hasn't wavered a day in my life.

Oh To Be Young

Today's lesson from the babybox...

I achieved absolutely nothing in Girl Scouts except eating an exorbitant amount of Nutty Buddy bars. And apparently learning how to say please. I didn't even make it past the "Daisy" stage of Girl Scouts.

Now this one is just amazing. I actually lettered in two sports that I never even played in high school. How is that for getting around my total lack of athletic ability?

I managed the Varsity Boys Basketball and Lacrosse teams. Apparently that's all it takes to get a letter at a small private school!

Who needs trophies when you have other concrete evidence that you half-assed it in sports in high school and even elementary school?!

Oh To Be Young

Like, OOOOhmygosh! Embarrassment alert!

This happened at the local church one day.

Olan Mills meets the severe-hair-part/no-eye-pupils sisters.

My love for that jumper knew no bounds. I think I even slept in it when I first bought it.
Ooh Limited Too, you make a pre-teen girl feel so special. I still think it's kind of cute...in a rednecky way.

To Be Young

Another thing I learned from the box...

I was very creatively critical when I was younger. This is an actual chart I made at Camp Seafarer rating all of the girls in my cabin in the following categories:

1) Weirdness

2) Snobiness

3) Bossiness

4) Awesomeness

While Piper and Hannah scored off the charts in awesomeness, Beth scored a 0-10 in meanness, with a notion that "it depends". With a range that wide I can only hope that she hasn't since developed multiple personalities.

I actually sent this to my parents while I was at camp, just to reassure them that I hadn't become too normal while away.

To Be Young

...Another thing I learned from my "baby box" that my mom gave me...

One: That while I've apparently always had a double chin...

... I once weighed only 46 lbs! Score for my less than 4 four self!!

Oooh To Be Young

Yesterday my mom gave me a box of stuff from way back in the day. Letters from camp, report cards, miscellaneous pictures, etc.

I learned a lot about myself my sifting through them so I thought I'd share in a series of posts called "To Be Young".

The first thing that was really obvious was that I've always had a real knack for accessories.


For instance, behold the following looks:

No outfit is better suited for playing in the mulch than a sparkly, body-consuming leotard and a tiara. My sister in the back thought that tutus looked better around her ankles, but I always knew better. It has to be around your waist to ensure that your arms are always in perfect first position.

That is a miniature hat clip. It looks a lot like a hat that a senior citizen living at retirement community somewhere in Florida might where on his head, only shrunk down to clip size for unknowing little girls.

Hats off to that look!

This was during my Elton John phase in the mid 1980's. It's true what they say, all you need for a good moped ride is a pair of oversized shades, a pearl necklace, and a diaper.

This is what I like to call my "grumpy spunky" look. Yes my hair may indicate that I am going to an epic dance party later, but check out the facial expression. I'ma cut you, bitch.

And this is from when I used to be a valet at a restaurant.

Plaid Vest - CHECK

White Turtleneck - CHECK

Shit-eating Grin - CHECK

Stay tuned for more awesome looks and letters from the 80's and beyond.