Skin Laundry

Do you remember last year when I discovered dry shampoo and my life was forever changed?

 

DRY SHAMPOO 4EVA

 

 

Well two things have happened since then:

 

1) I stopped using dry shampoo very often because I CANNOT find a brand that doesn't smell like butt.

 

2) Someone finally  answered my call at the end of that blog post above!

 

Source

 

Now there really is a soap version of dry shampoo.  It's called Skin Laundry.  And it sounds disgusting.

 

But I don't think it is!

 

According to one Yelp reviewer who went to one of the first Skin Laundry salons in Santa Monica, "Here is the scoop: it's a deep skin cleaning as performed by skilled and trained nurses.  The laser and light therapy helps with hyperpigmentation, aging and fine lines."

 

I heard about it on the radio this morning from Ryan Seacrest and it basically sounds like a walk-in, affordable, skin clinic that allows even non-celebrities and millionaires to treat themselves to a little pretty.  Seacrest knows his skincare!

 

I doubt it will be making it's way to little ol' Wilmington, NC anytime soon, but if you see one pop up near you holla at your girl.  I am willing to travel to big cities to try these things out!

 

Massage Says Bye Bye

Asians are really smart to have invented a patented "fist bump bye bye" end of massage indication.  In those scenarios you know you are no longer eligible to receive lusciousness.  You are the weakest link.  Good-bye!  On to the next one.

 

Source

 

American end-of-massages are sooo awkward....

 

*In a relaxed baby voice, Masseuse: "Ok...(pats you on the shoulders)...you are all done...Take your time..."

 

In regular voice, me: "Ok thanks".  Then I wait for the person to leave for 3 minutes while I sit there in vulnerable position unable to move lest I have an accidental nip slip.  Then you have to go outside looking like a disheveled, greasy, hot mess.  They tell you to drink lots of water (never understood why), then cordially escort you as if you are a fragile baby who might collapse at any time.

 

When it comes to an ending, I like mine Asian - efficient, effective, and to the point. 

But really, when it comes to massages, I'll take one from a native of just about anywhere.

Last Pedi of Summer

This totally pointless sign is hanging up in the local salon my mom and I go to. NAILS.

Thank you Captain Obvious!

That's like if you worked in a sandwich shop and just put up pictures of sandwiches with the word Sandwiches. Obvious...yes. But effective...no.

Don't Slap It

I got a pedicure last week and noticed the oddest setting on the chair massage remote. FLAP. And also, FLAP & KNEAD.

Now I’m familiar with the traditional Asian-end-of-massage-fist bump- on the back, but I do not think I ever need to be FLAPPED. The sign on the remote is just of a hand. So it’s basically like a bitchslap for the back.

And I did end up trying it. All it does is make you involuntarily shimmy in your chair. Which, if you’re chesty, is not a good thing in front of a crowded salon. I prefer a traditional ­­­­­Rolling button setting. It might make my back/chest rise and fall a foot at a time, but at least it does it slowly so I don't look like a whore jiggling my boobs (ahem, Flap setting).

Don't slap me. And don't flap me.

BTW - Sorry for the poor picture quality, but I assure you that the grainy texture of the picture was worth it to see the mute girl doing my pedicure look at me like I was the craziest person in the world when I tried taking like 15 times.

She works hard for the bunion bunny

Today I got a pedicure with my mom at a lovely American-owned shop named Nail City.

The picture above was the scene we walked in to. It was pretty clear as she bounced between one old lady's manicure and one young lady's pedicure...underneath the table...that this was going to be a rushed situation.

Luckily the token-male Vietnamese nail tech showed up from lunch just in time to allow us all our own technician, however. So all lusciousness was not lost.

During the pedicures I also got to thinking how awesome it is that at every one of those walk-in nail salons there is always a matriarch. Which is usually a sassy Vietnamese lady who bosses everyone else around in what sounds like only consonants, while tossing on and off her denim wedges sandals and answering the phone.

The lady pictured above, under the table, was said matriarch. And, as expected, she kicked those wedged heels right off!

I also love how they suddenly ask you if you "no want eyebrow wax?" and "no want paraffin treatment on nails?", like it is going to suddenly dawn on you that your brows are bushy and that you are a hideous beast. That's not just bad sales, that's damn insulting.

I Heart Anonymity

Last week I got a massage. I couldn't stop thinking throughout the whole thing how comforting it was to have someone see you semi-naked and vulnerable on a massage table and not care at all about how fat she thought you were or what her take was on cellulite. The truth was, I didn't care at all what she thought because I knew I'd never lay eyes on her again.

I was moving the next day and I rarely ever get massages, so the odds were definitely in my favor for eternal anonymity with this woman. The comfort that brought was wonderful.

That also made me wax nostalgic have terrible flashbacks about the OB/GYN I went to in high school and college. She was a member of the church I went to and her son and daughter were in Youth Group with my sister and me. Not anonymous!

She would sit there while performing her doctoral "procedures" and start asking me about how my parents were doing, what was my sister up to in school, etc....Not ideal.

Even if it's for the sake of medicine and good health, I don't need someone asking mom and pops while my legs are in stirrups.

After I moved away from home I went to random doctors that I was happy to never see outside the hospital. Some people say random doctor/patient relationships can hurt patient care. I say it keeps the topic of my sister's after-school activities off limits while Dr. Random is feeling around to make sure I don't have breast cancer.

Anonymity for life!