That'll Do News Donkey, That'll Do

I care as much about Hillary Clinton's emails as I do about legalizing pot.

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One bores me to tears and the other makes me eat too many Doritos. 

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And neither one affects my life at all right now so I am about sick of hearing about both on the news every single day!  

Enough already!  Let's talk about something new, like the weather!

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This Just In...You're Fat

One of my greatest fears in life is being the bottom half of the person in TV segments about obesity and growing waist sizes. 

 

You know the ones I'm talking about.  When they start telling you about the correlation between expanding 2 waist sizes every 10 years and increased risk of getting cancer.  Or about sugar in drinks and snacks.  Then they show a myriad of fat headless bodies walking around various parts of the country.

 

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I'm sure they don't tell these people that they are going to be the visual representation in a news segment on the metabolic demise of our country.  They probably don't have to since they never show faces.  So can you even imagine the horror you would feel if you were just sitting back, eating your Doritos, watching the evening news and all of a sudden you see YOUR body jiggling around a generic looking park scene warning the nation about the perils of being so fat that your stomach covers your no-no place?

 

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I'd like to thing I'm at least 100 pounds away from being the poster child for fat induced cancer, but it is things like these that keep me going back to the gym.  Oh, and the complimentary child care.

Mario Kart

Last night I was watching the NBC Nightly News.  They were talking about police frisking and racial profiling and all that jazz. 

 

When a little friend from my childhood appeared.  With no explanation.  Or notice.  Or pomp and circumstance.

 

 

 

It's'A ME, MAAAARIO!  Backpack and all.

 

I Heart strange things.

Fresh Faced Sabbath

Well it's official - People will sue over absolutely anything. 

 

Did you see this in the news - Lawsuit claims Lancôme's 24-hour makeup fails Sabbath test

 

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Orthodox Jew says what??  This is just nuts.  The main gist of the suit is as follows:

 

"“Plaintiff is an Orthodox Jew and abides by Jewish law by not applying makeup from sundown on Friday until nighttime on Saturday. As such, Plaintiff often wears the same makeup for at least a 24 hour period between Friday and Saturday evening,” the suit states."

 

AKA, Crazytown, USA.

 

"In April, the plaintiff tested the product prior to the Sabbath. “She applied the Product at approximately 5:00 p.m. on a Thursday. Plaintiff felt that the product made her skin look very cakey. By Friday morning, Plaintiff’s skin was shiny, particularly around her nose. Moreover, the Product that had been applied had faded significantly, making Plaintiff’s skin look uneven. It looked like very little of the Product was remaining on Plaintiff’s face, which was confirmed when she removed the remainder of the Product at 3:00 p.m. with a white cotton ball, where very little of the Product was found on the pad,” the suit states."

 

What a colossal waste of every one's time and vanity.  Get a life lady.  And get an esthetician.  There are more important things in life to worry about than looking fresh on the Sabbath.  Like which ice cream flavor to try next.

 

Constantly Crazy

Isn't it always the people craziest for attention and who do the craziest things to get it, who always have the craziest and WORST endings to their stories?

That has certainly been the case in my observations.

Case in point - Thomas Beatie, the "Pregnant Man", is now getting bitterly divorced from his wife, whom he claims is a violent drunk who punched him in the crotch.  Article here.

First of all, "Thomas", let's not forget, you don't have a real penis so getting hit in the crotch is really just stupid more than anything.  It's not going to hurt that bad.

Second of all, why are these people still in the news?  There's no such thing as a pregnant man in the first place.  He/she was just a woman who wanted to be a man all along.  Getting your boobs chopped off and growing out your armpit hair shouldn't make you a national news figure.  If people who are sexually or gender different want to be accepted, AS THEY SHOULD BE!!, then they need to stop trying to get on the news to broadcast their differences.  Be yourself, love yourself, love everyone else, and stay out of the news! 

And finally, why, just because Thomas is a "man" now, does he have to go out and grow the world's most sad, little Mexican goatee?  Hey Tommy B, you can still be a man and have a clean face.  In fact, it's much more debonair.  Facial Hair is not = Manliness when it comes in the form of patchy, fine hairs that don't really connect anywhere.

Final thought - If someone is abusive by nature, they probably won't have a hugely successful relationship.  But if someone who has craved attention throughout her whole marriage and strived to get every detail of it on the news decides to end the relationship, he/she is not likely to go quietly.  In an ideal world, that wouldn't entail punching her former-woman husband in the artificial balls, but as we all know the world is not ideal.