Spoiler Alert

This weekend Grant and I went on our first movie date since Jack was born (and maybe our second ever).  We went to see American Sniper.  It was awesome. 

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I won't give away the ending to the movie. But I will give away the ending to our night.

We got home I asked the babysitter how Jack was.   Her response started like this, "Well...he cried a lot.  Again."

Ok that sucks but no big whoop.  But then she kept going...

"And he wouldn't eat any dinner."

"And he wouldn't have any of his bottle."

"And he went to bed at 6...I think he was tired from all of the crying."

"Oh and he is still wearing his clothes from the day."

So, basically, the entire laundry list of things you never want to hear from your babysitter.  He went to bed sad, hungry, and dirty.  Oh joy.

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The smart thing to do would be to have her come way more often so he actually knows who she is and doesn't get forever sad.

But the more economical, and likely, thing to do is never go to the movies together again until Jack is at college.

But really, great movie.

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Do Not Want

I heard these exact words on the radio this morning:

 

"Tyler Perry's A Madea Christmas movie comes out this weekend.  Larry the Cable Guy is in this one."

 

I would l'trally rather Glitter on repeat than participate in any of that heinousness listed above.  That sentence actually makes me feel car sick somehow.

 

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(The Opposite of) Fun Fact:  All of Tyler Perry's movies are depressing.  I tuned in one time to Tyler Perry's Madea's Family Reunion thinking it was going to be like a black version of the Griswold's Christmas.  WRONG!

 

The scene I saw was of a man beating his wife than mentally and physically forcing her to tell him she loved it. 

 

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Tyler Perry, you may be a bazillionaire but perhaps you didn't get the memo: When you put on a fat suit and talk in a fake voice, it's supposed to be hilarious.  Not scary and terrible.

 

Needless to say, you won't see me at the cinema this weekend.

DON JON

This is really more of a PSA than anything, but be advised:

 

DO NOT GO SEE DON JON WITH ANYONE THAT YOU ARE RELATED TO, THAT YOU BARELY KNOW, THAT YOU WANT TO EVENTUALLY HAVE NORMAL SEX WITH, OR THAT YOU AREN'T LEGALLY BOUND TO HANG OUT WITH AGAIN AFTERWARD.

 

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It will scar you for life.  And that's just the first 5 minutes.  Those first five minutes use every non-fancy word to describe every female body part that exists on UrbanDictionary.com.  And then some.  And the additional hour and 25 minutes after that is all about sex and porn.

 

Grant and I go to the movies about once a year.  We picked this one just because it was the perfect time to get us out in an hour and half and allow us to eat Brixx around 7pm.  Those are our priorities.  Not to get too much culture, and to always base everything around food.  So basically we had no idea what the movie was about.

 

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I bet the only people more surprised than us about the content of the movie were the three 60 something year old grey haired ladies sitting in front of us.  I say that, not because they were 60-ish.  But because they looked like the had just decided, right after church group, to go catch a flick together.  And that is what they got.  Poor little lambs.



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For a second I thought, "Wow I wish I was alone watching this because it's just too uncomfortable to see in the presence of others."  But then I realized that would be the creepiest way to see it of all.  If you know what I mean.

 

I actually really liked the ending of the movie.  But the beginning and in between was truly cray cray.  You've been warned.

Scary Movie 40

I watched a movie this past weekend which was easily the scariest movie I have ever seen.

 

This is 40.

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Sure it's supposed to be a comedy.  But unless your life is impossibly perfect, it's not.  It was so terrifyingly sad and believable that I am officially dedicating the rest of my pre-40's to finding happiness and not becoming like this movie's protagonists.

 

Seriously, unless you are already in a situation in which you are financially secure for the rest of your life, which a spouse that worships you, and a perfect family life, do not watch this movie expecting to laugh.

 

After the final credits started rolling I declared, stunned and almost speechless, to Grant:

 

"That was the scariest movie I have ever seen."

 

You have been warned!

Test Your Cluelessness

Were you born in the late 70's or 80's, thus making you an impressionable pre-teen or teenager during the mid-90s?

 

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If you then you need to take this quiz - How Well Do You Know "Clueless"?

 

I only scored a shameful 15 out of 22, but I giggled the whole way through it. Clueless is truly one of the greats.

 

Oh memories - Travis Birkenstock, Rollin' With the Homies, and Herbal Refreshments.  The great stuff of 1995.  How I longed for Cher's closet! 

 

Even though I only scored 68% on this test, I bet I could still annoyingly recite every line while watching it.  When you see a classic like that 1,800 times, the script really, like, OMG, sticks with you!

Gobble Gobble

Happy Turkey Day everyone!!



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How are you are celebrating this year?  And where are you giving thanks?

 

I'm in the great state of Florida.  Jacksonville to be precise, spending time with some of my extended family that I do not get to see nearly enough.

 

I am sure we will be stuffing our faces, laughing our asses off, and maybe, just maybe, drinking some wine together. 

 

This year I am thankful for everything.  My friends, family, husband, and health.  But mostly I'm thankful that I just received this email in my inbox and will get to watch this the day I return home.

 

As you can see the next 3 movies in our queue belong to Grant.  Our cinematic tastes are just slightly different.

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!

"One Day", One very, very sad day

Wow. This is a sad movie. Like, freakishly, aggressively, phenomenally sad.

I decided to watch this movie last night when I got home from work, thinking it would be a romantic comedy about two attractive lovers who keep missing each other but eventually live happily ever after.

Wrong. It's about two best friends who know each other for 20 years but are too stupid to have a real relationship and never even have on-camera sex. Don't you just hate that?

But I digress. I actually thought it was a great movie. I was really in to it the whole time. I just was NOT expecting the sadness that ensued.

I was crying so hard and so ugly that my husband came in at least every ten minutes to laugh at me. What is wrong with boys?!

I was sobbing so intensely that I couldn't even cook dinner. Grant ended up cooking it. (Pause for reaction). It was homemade burrito bowls.

Then I was so stuffed up from crying so hard that I couldn't even breath enough through my nose to eat dinner. It was highly attractive.

Grant declared that from now on Thursday nights are "British romantic tragedy" / "ethnic food" night in our household.

Hey, whatever it takes to get a guy to cook!

I really recommend this movie if you are not afraid to cry uncontrollably. However, do not!, I repeat, do not! see this on a date night or at the early stages of a relationship. This will ruin the perception that your manfriend has of you and will reveal your "cry face" way too early to recover.

Scream

The other day when I posted this post about not being able to fall sleep, I got a few funny suggestions of how to solve my problem.

One was to picture myself alone, floating on a raft in some body of water, in complete darkness. This sounds good in principle but didn't work for me because I kept thinking of a shark swimming by me in the dark, popping my raft with its fin, and then eating me in violent bursts. The only thing that terrifies me more than trying to go to sleep is sharks and large bodies of water.

The other suggestion I got was to picture myself alone, in a dark movie theater, waiting for a movie to play, and then nothing ever comes on the screen.

Next thing I knew I was Omar Epps, the token black guy in Scream 2, getting stabbed in the ear through a bathroom stall at the local Cinema. Needless to say, that visualization didn't work either.

Oh well. The suggestions might not have made me sleep but they sure did make me laugh in the end. Keep 'em coming!

PSA

I have been waiting for months for "Blue Valentine" to come out on DVD. I had visions of me watching the world's greatest love bloom, and then sobbing when it inevitably fell to pieces.

WRONG!!!

This movie was awful. It's sad, but not in a way that will afford you a good cry with a bottle glass of wine. It's more like watching intraveinous drug use or a gangbang on "The Wire". It just made me feel dirty.

The most frustrating part of this movie to me was that there was absolutely no point to it. I didn't learn a lesson about love or making a relationship work.

I pretty much just learned that if your dad is verbally abusive and you yourself are a monster slutbag, than life isn't going to be that grand. So in case you didn't already know that, save 2 hours of your life watching Blue Valentine and just trust me. It's true.

On the Loose

Well this is not good news.

It looks like 476 prisoners escaped from an Afghan prison last night. 100 of which were Taliban commanders. If I were a local near that prison, I would be shaking in my burka!

In case your case of the Mondays wasn't already bad enough...

Something tells me this escape wasn't quite as touching as Andy's escape in The Shawshank Redemption, with the soothing voice of Morgan Freeman letting you know that justice was being served.

This seems more like a case of Taliban insurgents disappearing under the cloack of darkness to seek revenge and cause harm to innocent people.

Where'd Red when you need him!?

Simple Cinema

I think I must have bad tastes in movies.

Everytime I get a movie that has been critically acclaimed, nominated for awards, or a blockbuster in theaters, I can barely sit still long enough to pay any sort of attention.

Inception? HATED it! I quit watching after 30 minutes. It was too unreal to even be believable enough to be mind-blowing, as everyone claimed.

Social Network? It was ok I guess. Notwithstanding the 20 times I walked out of the room to do something more interesting.

But give me a Rom Com, and I will be glued to the TV.

Last night I watched "Life As We Know It." LOVED IT! I laughed, I cried, and I didn't get up once.

Maybe it's because I'm simple. Or maybe it's because I love the inevitable passionate kiss and happy ending. But goodness gracious. I HEART ROMANTIC COMEDIES.

I can't wait to see one tonight in my home theater den.

Gals out there, do you prefer RomComs? Or are you a fan of scary movies and more serious cinema?!